


Wipe the Ice From My Heart

by KatsudonLink



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, But Has Parallels to Later Episodes, But He makes Up For It, Canon Divergence, Drinking, First Few Chapters Suck But It Gets Better, Intercrural Sex, Jealousy, Lots of emotions you guys, M/M, Masturbation, Misunderstanding, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pole Dancing, Public Sex, Right After the Grand Prix, Semi-Public Sex, Shoving pop culture references into fanfic, Slow Burn, Sochi Grand Prix Final, Social Media, They do inappropriate stuff in public, Victor's Emotions, Yuuri didn't go to the banquet in this AU, Yuuri's POV, set after episode 1, thigh fucking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-08 09:32:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 65,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8839450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatsudonLink/pseuds/KatsudonLink
Summary: "H-hang on a second!" Yuuri said finally as he pointed a finger at Victor, getting his attention. "But how can I create an entire routine and find the music and practice and train just in a week!?" The Japanese skater began, flailing his arms. "I need a rink, and I need a coach and-"Victor cut him off and shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh that's easy. There is this rink, and I'll be your coach."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bother me on [tumblr](http://www.haikyoon.tumblr.com)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I cleaned up this chapter a little.

 

Yuuri was somewhat calm, staring at the hotel ceiling, not even feeling the mattress underneath him. It had been around 12 full hours since he had witnessed the most embarrassing experience of his life. He didn't even want to begin to think about how he had failed so many people all at once, and he was faintly aware that the reason he had failed was that he just couldn't think about anything else even when he knew his eyes should have been on the prize.

Right now it was more like a scream in his chest that wouldn't leave, a wound that hurt so much that his whole body went numb just not to feel it. His flight wasn't until tomorrow and he honestly didn't plan on doing anything other than what he was doing now until he had to get up to pack. He couldn't even remember how he went to sleep last night. He really couldn't remember a whole lot from last night, to be precise. It was a hazy blur of emotions that wet his eyes and pushed him to exhaustion. 

He had even skipped the Banquet that was held after the Grand Prix, which of course normally Celestino wouldn't have allowed in a million years but all it took to convince him was to see how actually in pieces his student was.

Celestino wasn't stupid. He definitely knew how much Yuuri admired the Russian skater, countless times he had seen Yuuri watch Victor's skating programs with such childlike glee that the he wasn't even sure he had seen that expression on an actual child before.

Not even at Christmas. Not even when they got exactly what they wanted.

There would always be pure admiration in his eyes. Yuuri always moved extra smooth and jumped a little higher at practice after watching Victor's newest performance. Hell, Celestino had even bought him a Victor Nikiforov poster that year for Yuuri's birthday and even though the coach knew Yuuri was trying to hide his feelings and telling him that posters were for twelve year olds, he had a hunch the poster still hung proudly above his bed somewhere (among what he suspected to be much more of the Russian skater's images).

What completely convinced him however, was this. Seeing Yuuri turn around when his idol spoke to him when what he expected was for him to crack a small smile and maybe cheer up a little. Just leaving the scene like that, it was something Yuuri would have never done due to his Japanese politeness, not even to a stranger. Of course he hadn't just let him off the hook, but his insisting was lighter than usual after that. Yuuri still had his honor to protect and Celestino would be damned if he didn't allow that.

Yuuri's eyes went to the window near his bed, there was snow on the ground but it wasn't snowing at that moment. The city looked so depressing from this angle.

No, scratch that, the city looked so depressing from every angle.

The weather was always so gloomy and he briefly felt immensely homesick. Hasetsu was small but all year around it glowed a beautiful orange-pink during sunrise and sunset. Yuuri missed the ocean, he missed playing fetch with Vic-cha-.

He took in a steadying breath.

Sometimes he wondered if he really did need to see a sports psychologist. His coach had offered for him to see one a while back but Yuuri had reacted so terribly to it that it was never brought up again. He briefly wondered if he didn't even need to see one anymore...If he was...ever even going to skate in front of an audience again.

The Japanese skater's thoughts were disrupted by rather footsteps that were growing increasingly louder. First, he didn't even consider it wasn't someone just going to their room. When they suddenly stopped Yuuri groaned inwardly. Right he was about to pray to God that the footsteps would just continue to go wherever the hell they came from, there was a loud banging on his door. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that somehow this would make the banging go away, that somehow it would make him stop existing for a while. He _really_ wasn't feeling up to it right now. Whatever this was. He really couldn't even imagine who it was, he was sure Celestino was still sound asleep in his room next door. 

"Yuuri-kuuuun!" The voice called urgently, more banging following the softly accented voice. Yuuri opened his eyes. That stupid nickname that somehow he allowed for him only. It was Phichit. Phichit had come to see the finals and was staying at the same hotel as the rest of the skaters so it only made sense he wanted to see him before he left. Phichit had been doing better lately and Yuuri was almost sure he would make it to the next Grand Prix Final if he kept improving the way he did- he was really quite proud of his friend.

More banging. He let out a slow breath and tried to debate if it was absolutely necessary for him to move right now even though it was his best friend at the door, who actually sounded quite upset now that Yuuri thought about it.

"Yuuri-kuuuuuuuun, I _know_ you are in there! Please, open the door!" This time Yuuri could clearly hear the tone of Phichit's voice, and it worried him enough for him to actually find himself getting up and putting on his glasses as he walked to the door, the incessant banging still continuing. 

He opened the door, trying to be careful to not make the other skater fall into the room with how hard he was hitting the door. "Phichit?" He frowned, looking at his friend who somehow seemed even worse than how Yuuri himself was (or rather felt) yesterday which was saying a lot. Phichit was panting, like he had ran a marathon and his phone wasn't even in his hand, which was _pretty_ worrying. Anyone who spent ten minutes with Phichit could swear his phone was super glued to his hand.

"Oh thank God." Phichit let out between pants, slightly bending over and putting his hands on his upper thighs to catch his breath. "I was starting to worry you weren't here. Yuuri, I really, really need your help. Like, bestest most best friend sort of help."

Yuuri frowned. "What for? Is something wrong?" He replied, now more curious than worried seeing that the Thai skater had calmed down a bit despite still looking like a wreck.

Phichit tried to smile as he straightened his back but it came out as a sad, lopsided grin. He couldn't hold it for a long time on his face. "So..." He began.

"How do you feel about staying in Sochi for another two weeks?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Chapter cleaned up.

Phichit only started talking again when he was seated across from Yuuri on the couch while Yuuri crossed his legs on his bed. The kettle provided by the hotel was making quiet noises as the water inside started to heat up. Both of them hated drinking tea that was made from teabags since it wasn't the "real deal" but they had to make due. 

Phichit, much to Yuuri's relief, had his phone on his lap now and was running his hand in his hair.

"Alright Yuuri, look. It's my brother's birthday soon, it's actually in about three weeks. And...I wanted to get him something special this year. He is going to be ten years old. It's an important age." Phichit began, his tone wavering a little even though he was trying to put on his best happy camper voice. Yuuri had never seen him be actually be worried like this and it was a little scary. Phichit was always sunshine and smiles, even before competitions, something Yuuri admired greatly. 

"He really loves playing video games but my family...they don't really want to spend money on something like that."

Yuuri nodded once, knowing Phichit's family wasn't very well off. Whatever money they had, they spent it on Phichit for him to become a better skater, for him to make them proud. Phichit wasn't a top skater with a lot of sponsors, not yet, so the money he earned wasn't anything to write home about either. Coaching, renting rinks, buying skates. All of these costed money. Though Phichit worked hard and kept improving, earning his pay. Phichit's little brother, however, wasn't as ambitious from what he had heard from him over the years. He could understand why the Thai skater felt guilty about "hogging" the money even though it wasn't his fault.

"He is...he is special, Yuuri. He is very smart but he just, he is happy playing his games." The smile that creeped on Phichit's face was small but genuine. "He doesn't like me very much...I think...I mean I guess of course he does but we aren't close at all because these few years he is changing so much each time I see him and I don't seem him very much, you know. He is across the globe. But when I do see him, sometimes I just watch him play his games for hours and he sort of reminds me of how I'm like with skating. He gets so focused and if he dies he goes right back in. He is ambitious. He has fun with it. He really is passionate and he doesn't want to do something other than what he loves. Just like his older brother!"

The momentary pride went from his voice as Phichit sighed and looked down.

"It's just...well, yeah, my parents want him to focus on his studies. They want him to earn good money, and I do understand that, I really do but..." Yuuri's attention went to the sound of the kettle while Phichit looked outside, distantly watching the low hanging clouds. 

Yuuri looked back at Phichit while he turned over the two cups on the desk. "So you want to buy him a game or something?" He responded, watching Phichit nodding for a short amount of time before he started to pour water in the cups. 

"I did...I do..." Phichit started but he went quiet for a few seconds. 

"And why aren't you then?" He asked, then freezing momentarily. Maybe Phichit didn't have enough money. It had been so rude of him to ask like that. Yuuri immediately regretted letting that out of his mouth.  

"I mean.." Yuri turned around, meeting Phichit's eyes. "Look, uh, Phichit, I'm sorry...I-I didn't mean to-"

Phichit shook his head. "Don't worry about it Yuuri." The Thai skater gave him a trademark Phichit smile. "I had it all figured out you see! I have been working odd jobs besides skating for almost a year now, you know htis. I just need about 3500 Bahts and then I can buy him the new Nintendo console that's suppose to come out soon! He wanted a home console for so long but he never got one. He has been tracking this one ever since it was a rumour and he is so excited about it. Last time I visited it was all he could talk about. I swear he showed me the introductory trailer like five times and it was the most time I spent with him talking about it and comparing it to other consoles. That's when I decided that I will get him one. All he has is an old gameboy of sorts that one of his friends gave him because he got a better one, it's a DS or something, I don't know." 

"Had? What do you mean you _had_ it figured out?" Yuuri frowned. "Also I'm not sure how much money that is, but it sounds like a fortune." Yuuri knew Phichit had been working here and there but had never thought to ask why. They were never actual jobs, it was more like bringing someone coffee, or taking someone's dog for a walk. There was an app for it or something, Yuuri wasn't sure. Phichit knew so much more about that stuff than he did. 

The Thai skater laughed. "Well, it's about hundred dollars." He replied while he accepted his mug of hot water, his eyes going over to the selection of teabags. "Oh! We should take a video for Instagram! Oh my god, we'll Boomerang our teabags going into the water!" Phichit nearly shouted, startling Yuuri momentarily. "Okay okay, I'll pick...Hmmm....I'll take the Earl Gray and you take the chamomile." 

Yuuri sort of rolled his eyes but laughed, he was used to Phichit being Phichit and it was endearing even when he still sort of felt dead inside. 

After Phichit made them dip their teabags into water at least 12 times and posted the Boomerang on Instagram, Yuuri asked again.

"I don't understand, what happened to your plan." He said, putting two packs of sugar in his tea. 

Phichit was still looking at his phone screen, trying to see if they are any likes. "Well..." He began, then looked up. "Okay, so, I had this final job. It's one of my highest paying jobs yet. I keep having to spend my own money on travelling so much and to you know, get food and stuff. So to gain the last amount of money I needed I was going to work at an ice rink here in Sochi while I was visiting for the Grand Prix. It's not much, just a few hours a day helping children stand up on skates, cleaning, tidying the place up at the end of the day. I've done it for a week already and it's been great but today...I learned I have to go back to Thailand because my grandmother is sick. I already booked my ticket."

"Oh," Yuuri said widening his eyes. "Phichit! That's terrible! I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed, not knowing what to do. He really did want to console his friend but he had no idea how.

"It's okay, I mean she has been sick before, I know she will be okay." Phichit replied with a sad smile. "Anyway, now the thing is I still have two weeks of work to do and I can't do it. Two weeks, about 400 Rubles a day, I barely make my goal but it's enough."

Yuuri quickly thought back to his bank balance. Did he have enough money to lend Phichit some? No, no, he wouldn't lend it, he would give it of course. Phichit was his best friend. It wasn't a lot of money, he guessed he could just wait a bit more on that new pair of skates he was thinking about getting. 

Phichit waved his hand in Yuuri's vision. "Helloooooo, Earth to Yuuuuuri?" 

Yuuri blinked rapidly, opening his mouth to tell Phichit he would happily give him some money right when he was stopped.

"Yuuri, I don't want to take your money. I don't want to be owing you money. I would much rather owe you a favour. I just wanted to ask...Is it possible if you work for me instead? I already have a hotel room that's book for another two weeks. I talked to the owner of the rink, she's okay with it. I have no one else to ask this to." The Thai skater's voice gradually got more quiet. He lifted one of his shoulders and softly smiled. "I...I know it's hard for you to stay here Yuuri. I know you just want to go back to Detroit and focus on your studies for a while to take your mind off things but I wouldn't have asked this if this wasn't so important to me." 

Yuuri opened his mouth, then his eyes went to the floor. Staying here. For another _two weeks_. His failure being rubbed on his face. Would people on the street insult him? Pelt him with tomatoes? Yuuri shook himself out of those ridiculous thoughts. But then again, there were very serious concerns. Would he have to pass the Grand Prix Ice Rink everyday? Would he have to remember how he screwed everything up? How he...oh god, how he blew his one and only chance of talking to and even taking a picture with _Victor Nikiforov_!

He placed his hands on his eyes. "Phichit..."

"I'm...really sorry Yuuri." He was, and Yuuri could tell. "I'm just so close, so _so_ close and I can almost see the smile on my little brother's face. I know I'm asking too much of you Yuuri...I really do...but if you say you can't do it I will understand."

No, no, Yuuri couldn't leave his friend hanging like that. He was completely sure Phichit would have done the same for him, and with a huge smile on his face. He looked determined at the floor, then up at Phichit and nodded once.

"I'll do it. I'll do it because I don't know what I would have done if Mari-Chan hadn't convinced my parents to buy me my first ice skates after watching me in Ice Castle Hasetsu." He could remember how much his sister would huff and puff every time a small Yuuri would show up banging on her door asking her to "Please take me ice skating Mari-Chaaaaan~". He remembered how his older sister would get angry when Yuuri fell on his butt as a beginner, asking him "What will I tell Mom and Dad if you kill yourself on the ice!?", but then giving him a warm smile and trying to walk on ice with her shoes to help him up which would occasionally end up as her falling as well, making them both laugh until their stomachs hurt. 

He remembered Mari-Chan being so happy when he had done his first triple axel without falling that she promised to talk to their parents about getting a dog.

He remembered how Mari-Chan would put him on her bike just in front of her to return home after hours of skating, pinching Yuuri's little red nose and telling him to hold on tight and not tell Mom about the chocolate banana she had bought Yuuri (with her allowance, mind you) even though it was right before dinner time.

He wanted Phichit to be like that with his brother. It must have been hard on him, having his brother away for so long. Now, he could understand the depth of the gesture Phichit was trying to make. 

He would make Phichit's little brother smile and jump in his arms. If Phichit's little brother didn't care about him not visiting much, he hoped now he would ask their mother everyday how many days had left until Phichit returned home.

"Yuuri-kuuuuuuuuuuuun!" Phichit shouted with a huge grin, abandoning his tea and almost jumping on top of Yuuri to hug him super thight. Yuuri felt like he was choking but it was a happy sort of feeling, he returned the hug in earnest. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, arigato, arigato, arigato, arigatogozaimashitaaaaaaaa!" Phichit kept shouting, shaking Yuuri and almost playfully wrestling him on the bed. "You're the best Yuuri. Number one! Bestest Best Friend Award goes tooooooo....Yuuri Katsukiii!" 

Yuuri let out a choked laugh before he managed to pry Phichit off him a little bit. He surprisingly felt a little better. "Okay, okay, I can't work there if you kill me!" 

Phichit flashed him a grin and raised his cellphone. "Selfie time to commemorate our awesome friendship!"

Yuuri started to actually think about what this would entail while Phichit started typing away at his phone.

"#GrandPrixFinal #Sochi #BestFriendsForever #BFF #HeIsTheWinnerInMyHeart #YuuriIsAnAngel #SeeYouNextYear ..."

Meanwhile outside, it started to rain. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at me actually updating today as well!
> 
> privyet: Hello  
> dobro pozhalovat: welcome  
> Sakharok: Sugar (pet name)  
> Lyubov: Love (like my love)  
> Lapochka: Sweetie pie  
> cyka blyat: whore bitch (oops, cs go anyone?)  
> Spasibo: thank you  
> Poka: bye  
> (This is internet Russian, feel free to correct it)
> 
> Forgive me, I know this fic is going so slow, I just want to do it right, I'm sorry, I love you guys <3 Make sure to tell me your thoughts and ideas, it's stupid to keep writing this if it's not going correctly right? :)

It had taken about at an hour to sort all of his business out. He had called his parents who were surprisingly okay with him spending some time alone after his loss. Celestino had been the same, he thought Yuuri would bounce back to his old self.

Yuuri however was not very sure. It was the first time he would be working at an "actual job" and he suddenly felt like anyone else he saw on the street, not that he thought he was special or anything. It was just that he actually had no idea how this stuff worked. How would he have to act? What would he have to be doing exactly again? He guessed he could maybe talk to someone who worked there and they would give him some pointers.

It was sort of exciting though, going to work. However he was sure this wasn't exciting to anyone else in the world, people hated going to work right? It wasn't like he wasn't used to routine, he had to have a very strict schedule during the season and he couldn't slack off even when he was sick. But this time it was just...it was so mundane and strangely exciting. 

He didn't really want to think of the fact that there still was a chance that he would have to be working a "normal job" very soon and possibly for the rest of his life if he couldn't get a hold of himself. He had finished school but he wasn't ready to leave the ice yet. He couldn't give up the feeling of freedom he felt every time when he would open the door of the rink and step on the ice for the first time. He couldn't give up the refreshing cold air that would curl up and dance to his face from the glassy floor. 

He really couldn't see himself working in an office. Maybe he would have to be a waiter. No, he was sure Minako-Sensei would give him a job in her dance studio and maybe he would teach children ice skating in Ice Castle Hasetsu. But what next? Would he...get married? To who? Hasetsu was a small place, Yuuri was sure he already knew every woman around his age. He knew his parents wanted him to get married so they could leave Yu-topia to him, or to Yuuri's children. Yuuri would indeed be heartbroken if Yu-topia ended up in the hands of a stranger.

Or worse, be demolished. 

He always thought maybe Mari-Chan would take over but there was no actual talk about it. Mari-Chan was already thirty and was doing a lot of work in Yu-topia. Yuuri wondered if she could handle all the work on her own in the future and knew that was close to impossible. 

He frowned, taking off his glasses to put his shirt over his head, seeing the world a little blurry for a few seconds before putting them back on, picking up his phone to once again go over the address Phichit-kun had texted him. He couldn't exactly read the name of the place but Phichit had told him it translated to Ice Palace Skating Rink. It made Yuuri feel sort of warm how close the name was to his home rink. Well, a castle and a palace weren't exactly the same thing but it always made Yuuri feel happy, knowing someone had shared his feeling of the ice making one feel...grand, maybe almost royal, if used the right way.

The walk was around ten minutes, which Yuuri was grateful about. The weather outside was incredibly cold, though it still wasn't snowing oddly. The rain yesterday had melted some of the snow but the city was still white where it counted.

When Yuuri got out of the hotel at around 6 P.M., he noticed he actually never paid attention to how the city actually looked, apart from the fact that it was very gloomy during the day. In the evening, when it got a bit darker the streets bustled with intricate Christmas lights all around, all the reds, yellows and greens. It was so beautiful. Yuuri walked slowly, making sure to see every bit of glowing led, to cherish how the city changed at night. With all the lights around shining on him and the people on the street, Yuuri suddenly didn't feel so cold.

It had only taken him about fifteen minutes to find the ice rink, he had only needed to ask once and the person he asked spoke English to his luck. It wasn't a very big rink, it was more closer to the size of the rink back home than the one in Detroit, which Yuuri was fine with. Bigger rink would just make him feel more anxiety, having to remember the competition. 

There was a woman about fifty or sixty (Yuuri was bad with telling people's age) ordering two people a little older than Yuuri around. Yuuri decided that was the owner. 

"Hello?" He said, with a polite smile, briefly lifting his hand in a small wave. "I'm suppose to be talking to...Mrs...Z-Zamo...Zamolo?"

The woman turned to him with a smile, the sides of her eyes creasing with the motion.  Yuuri could see some of her teeth was missing but she was oddly charming and was holding a flask in her hand.

"Veronika Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova. But you can just call me Veronika." The woman said nonchalantly with a small crack of her lips. " _Dobro pozhalovat!_ Hello, hello little one! Come here. You're the friend of Phichit, yes?" Veronika said with a thick accent, raising her arms as if she was going to hug Yuuri.

Yuuri nodded once, not sure if he should walk to her and give her a hug, but that would have been rude, wouldn't it? They had only just met.

Veronika lowered one of her arms and extended the flask to Yuuri's face. "Would you like some? Keeps you warm." She said. Yuuri could smell the alcohol. He wasn't very good with drinks but he could guess it was Vodka. "Hey, if you don't tell, I won't tell." She said, winking with a grin. 

"Oh!" He replied, raising both his hands with palms facing the older woman. "N-no, no, no thanks!" He said, mustering a polite smile.

"Oh well, suit yourself." Veronika replied, shrugging and taking a swig of her vodka, making a refreshed sound afterwards. "It's good you know, not the cheap stuff. You come to me if you want some, okay?" 

She closed the lid and placed it in her pocket before rubbing her gloves hands together. "Okay, where do we start? Now, you'll be working with Dominika and Alexei here. Dominika waits behind the counter. It's 250 Rubles for two hours, 400 Rubles for until the rink closes at 12 at night. You may ask, how do we know if they stay for longer? We don't, we are nice people, yes? We look the other way most times. Sometimes children come here, and we even make them hot chocolate." The Russian smiled, motioning to the coffee machine behind Yuuri. "Button one makes coffee, button two makes hot chocolate." She explained before she motioned Yuuri to follow her.

"She looks at the number of the skates and gives it." She said, motioning to Dominika who was organising some of the skates that were on the floor. "You see, we don't have enough people now that Phichit left, we don't have time to organise everything." 

Yuuri nodded. "I'll make sure to help her." He said, looking over at Dominika. She was very petite and had sandy blonde hair that went down to her waist. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of green and she seemed like a person who liked staying home more than going out, which was right up Yuuri's alley. She was objectively pretty, that much Yuuri could say instantly. Dominika realised she was being watched and gave Yuuri a shy smile, with a little wave. Yuuri got a little startled, not realising he had been sort of staring and waved back with an expression that he hoped showed how he was sorry.

"Okay, now come on." Veronika said, putting her hand on Yuuri's back, gently pushing him out of the little tent that all the equipment were to outside next to the rink where a tall blond man was standing with his hands on his hips, looking at a big machine with a driver's seat. "This is Alexei." Veronika said, reaching for her flask. "Alexei, say hello to-" She blinked dumbly for a second before turning to Yuuri. "What was your name  _lyubov_ _?_ " 

Yuuri turned to Veronika, not understanding the last word but understanding it was somewhat of a pet name. "Uh, Yuuri, Yuuri Katsuki." He replied quickly.

"Yuuri, oh, we have a Russian name like that you know, we also have a skater, famous, Yuri Plisestky, do you know him?" Veronika asked, taking a gulp out of her flask.

Yuuri had a brief flashback of Victor uttering the very same name and not referring to him but _Yuri Plisetsky_. He couldn't really recall how he felt at the time, but now he sort of felt jealous he had to admit. 

"Yes, well no, I mean I know of him." Yuuri replied, snapping out of his thoughts. Veronika patted his back. "Good skater, national treasure no? Just like Victor Nikiforov. You know, in Russia, every woman want him, every man want to be him. I wouldn't mind if he showed up here and gave me a little kiss, huh, would you?" She joked, pushing Yuuri a little with her shoulder. 

Yuuri could feel his cheeks getting warmer even at the mention of Victor. He laughed, his laugh came out a little awkward. He wasn't quite sure what he had to say to that. Victor kissing him? Yuuri couldn't say he ever imagined something like that. Victor was...he was like a character, or something he saw on the television. He didn't feel real enough to Yuuri to actually imagine something like that. Victor was something to watch and admire. But he was real. Yuuri had seen him. Yuuri looked down at the ground, crossing his eyebrows as if concentrating on something. Perhaps it was occurring to him for the first time that Victor was actually just another person.

Meanwhile Veronika had went to Alexei and when Yuuri snapped out of his own little world, he could hear them talking in Russian. Oh no...Veronika sounded angry. Yuuri could only awkwardly wait until Veronika sighed loudly and said something in Russian looking at the sky with her hands raised, then turned to Yuuri.

" _Sakharok,_ I was going to let you go at 11 today but Alexei broke the damn Zamboni again. Would you be a  _lapochka_  and stay after the rink closes and wipe the ice with the broom? It will take an hour at most." Veronika said, apparent she is trying to sound nice so Yuuri would accept. "I would make Alexei do it but his mama comes shouting at me the next day if I make him stay after midnight,  _cyka blyat_." She said the last part quietly. 

Yuuri looked over at the rink. It wasn't very big and he had helped Yuko-Chan with cleaning the ice before. It was always better to skate on fresh ice. After skating on the ice rink for an extended amount of time cracks would form and shaved ice would start accumulate on the ice, making it harder to make precise movements and sometimes causing one to fall. The Zamboni of course did a much better job making the ice perfect but at least the broom got rid of the shaved ice and tucked them into the cracks so they would freeze overnight to a smoother rink the next day. 

"Yes, sure." He said, it wasn't like he had anywhere to be. He would enjoy being on the ice a little, even if it was just to clean it. 

"Amazing, _spasibo lapochka!_ " Veronika said rather loudly and giving him a very big hug that made Yuuri's glasses go tilted and fogged up. He smiled and hugged her back as much as he could before Veronika pulled away.

"Alright, now that is settled, there are the little penguin statues we have to help children skate. If you want some extra Rubles you can teach some of the kids how to do some tricks, eh? I can't give you extra but sometimes the parents are nice and they sneak you some Rubles in your pocket." The Russian lady took another swig of her flask. "That is all, now we wait another ten minutes and open the rink." She added, looking at her watch. "If you have any questions you can talk to Dominika. She's a nice girl, huh?" She winked, nudging Yuuri who promptly went a little pink. "Very nice girl. Okay, I need to go take care of some business. _Poka_. "

And with that the Japanese skater was all alone, watching the red fairy lights that decorated the rink go on and off. This had went so much better than he expected. He watched the lights for a few minutes, before he got startled by a sound.

"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you!" A voice with a only a smidgen of Russian accent said behind him. Yuuri turned around to reveal it was Dominika, her cheeks and nose were a soft shade of red. Yuuri wasn't sure if it was from the cold.

"Oh it's okay!" Yuuri assured her, putting his hands up. "I must have been lost in thought. It's not your fault."

Dominika was carrying a lot of skates in her arms, the sound must have been one of them falling on the ground. "Let me help you with that!" Yuuri said quickly, picking a few of them up from her arms. Dominika looked thankful.

Dominika didn't say anything else as they placed the skates on the shelves, Yuuri guessed that she was shy, though he was thinking about something entirely different. He was thinking about how he wanted to get on the ice himself. Leading up the the competition he spent more hours on ice than not everyday and now sometimes even when walking he expected the floor underneath him to slide him forward. Why hadn't he brought his skates? Would he even be allowed to skate after hours?

It was only a few minutes later that they opened the door and Yuuri got to notice the line of people waiting. This rink wasn't very popular nor it was very big but it was cheap and the lights were quite pretty and people who didn't want a huge crowd all crammed in one rink came here. Yuuri spent most of his time watching people skate counterclockwise on the rink, occasionally hearing people laugh because someone fell on their ass. He wasn't quite sure what to do as of yet, for all he knew his job was after hours, helping Dominika shelf the ice skates and then cleaning the ice. 

There weren't many children on the ice today, since it was a weekday and none of them seemed to need help. Or Yuuri didn't know how to approach them without looking weird, so he just stayed put and after a while, stayed behind Dominika who was standing behind the counter, taking the skates of the people leaving from her and putting them back according to their sizes. 

It wasn't long until Dominika turned to him and said "All done. We are closing the rink. I think everyone left, we just need to put the skates back and then we can go home." Yuuri nodded distractedly and started putting the skates back with Dominika who seemed to be a little nervous for some reason. On more than one occasion she dropped a skate and then had to bend over to pick it up, saying how much of a klutz she is. 

Once Yuuri had only a few skates to put back, Dominika turned to him. "I'm all done, I should be getting back home." Yuuri nodded and was going to ask to escort her home but then he remembered his ice cleaning duties. "I have a few more things to do. I'll see you tomorrow." Yuuri said with a warm smile and a wave to which Dominika replied with a smile of her own that she was clearly suppressing so it wouldn't become a bigger one. "Bye-" She frowned. "I...I just realised I don't know your name." 

"Yuuri, Yuuri Katsuki." 

"Oh, like Yuri Plisetksy!" She smiled wide. "Well, bye Yuuri!" She left.

Yuuri sighed, this was the second comparison of him to Yuri. People seem to know him pretty well. Or maybe these people just followed figure skating because they owned an ice rink? Yuuri wasn't sure. He also wasn't sure why everyone loved Yuri so much. He seemed like a brat but then he noticed people probably didn't know how he was outside of the ice. Yuri was going to make his senior debut this season. More competition huh... 

It took Yuuri about ten more minutes, placing the skates and drying some of the more wet ones so ice wouldn't form on them overnight since it was so cold and the tent really didn't have a door, it was practically still outside. 

Finding the broom he had to use, he walked over to the empty rink slowly. Once he raised his head however, he realised it wasn't so empty. Most of the lights were closed and the lights only shone on the centre of rink, illuminating the figure who was just standing there, his back turned to him.

"Privyet, the rink is cl-" Right when Yuuri was about to finish his sentence, the words died at his throat. The figure started moving gracefully, practically floating on the ice and moving his arms in a way Yuuri has only ever seen one person do. He skated to the right of the rink, temporarily going to the dark side before he spread eagled into a triple axel, moving his arms to the sides of his face with such beauty and such poise that Yuuri thought even the air didn't resist his movements. The sound of his landing, the rough sound of the metal hitting ice made Yuuri's heart skip a beat. The step sequence he did while skating to the other side of the rink was so immaculate that Yuuri parted his lips, trying not to watch with an open jaw instead. 

The figure accumulated speed into a perfect combination jump before starting to spin, his fingers stroking his pale face, down to his neck, going slowly to his chest as he closed his eyes. He leisurely threw his head back with a motion that looked so careless but was obviously calculated to the finest detail. 

His silver fringe following his movements, flirting with a melody that isn't there, got pushed back as the man dug his fingers in his hair then raised his hands up to the sky, still slowly turning around himself. 

Once he stopped turning, he lowered his head and skated forward, the ice obeying his every manoeuvre, however tiny, and gained momentum, making a quick turn around the rink and landing the most clean _utterly_ divine quadruple flip Yuuri has ever seen, _effortlessly_ , swaying from side to side as he moved his arms. Moving them around as if telling a sacred story, moving his fingers over his body like he is showing his soul through his motion.

Yuuri didn't realise he had been holding his breath until the man stopped, until Victor Nikiforov stopped and posed as he finished his routine, his feet crossed at the ankle, one behind the other and one arm lifted to the heavens, other extended forward with an open palm, his face turned upwards, his eyes gently closed.

And it was right at that moment that it started to snow.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katya please don't sue me, i love u.
> 
> WOW GUYS WE FINALLY SAW VICTOR....3 CHAPTERS IN!!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of having dinner and writing my lab report so there you go.  
> I'm really hoping I was able to convey the emotion as well as I hoped. Please let me know with a comment :) they really help and make me quite happy! 
> 
> <3

Yuuri didn't know what to say for the longest time. He just watched the snow fall slowly over and around Victor Nikiforov who kept his pose for as long as he watched. Yuuri blinked when the Russian skater moved, as if momentarily forgetting he wasn't a statue of sorts placed there for admiration. 

"Oh!" Victor said realising he had an audience for the first time. "Privyet!" He raised his hand for a wave and gave Yuuri a comfortable smile. He said something in Russian while skating towards Yuuri but of course Yuuri couldn't understand. Though he wasn't sure if he had been able to understand it even if it was in English since his idol was _skating to him and talking to him._

When Victor wasn't blinded by the light anymore, he approached the side of the rink and leaned onto it. "Oh, you're not Russian are you?" He laughed charmingly, Yuuri's heart skipped a whole beat, his mouth was so dry he wasn't sure if he could swallow. "My apologies. I said I know the rink is closed, I just wanted to have a little alone time on the ice. I can't skate on the more popular rinks without everyone trying to take a picture with me, and I really like skating outside you see. I mean skating inside is also nice but outside at night, it's just quite wonderfu-"

Yuuri looked up at Victor, wondering why he stopped talking. "Hold on, what is your name?" Victor asked softly, as if realising something.

Yuuri opened his mouth but nothing came out for a second, then he managed out "Yuuri."

"Yuuri...Yuuri." Victor repeated, looking at the air between them, thinking. "Yuuri Katsuki." He said at last, a little above a whisper. 

Yuuri froze with wide eyes. "You know my name?" Oh god, oh god, this was a dream wasn't it? He was just going to wake up in his bed in Hasetsu in a few minutes, Mari-Chan banging on his door.

"Of course!" Victor replied, smiling as he pushed his fringe back. "You're my fan that got away." 

Yuuri stilled. "E-excuse me?"

"You...you didn't want to take a picture with me." Victor frowned exaggeratedly as he touched Yuuri's nose with his finger. "You just ran off, didn't you? I didn't even see you at the banquet. I thought you were one of the skaters, was I wrong?"

Yuuri blinked a few times, trying to take all the information in. "No! I mean, you're not wrong!" He said, pushing his glasses back and looking away. "Yes, that was me. No I wasn't at the banquet. I had some...I needed to be somewhere." He mumbled, trying to explain himself. "Why did you even want to take a picture with me anyway?" Yuuri added before he could stop himself. He had just literally said what he was thinking. He closed his mouth with both of his hands. "I- I didn't mean for that to sound so rude."

Victor chuckled. "Well, you looked at me over ten seconds. That usually means someone wants to take a picture with me." He shrugged. "I love my fans, I love taking pictures with them, so I thought I would offer it but I wasn't expecting to be rejected like that."

Yuuri looked down, his face a little coloured. "I'm...I'm sorry, as I said, I just had to be somewhere else." 

"So, what did you think of my routine?" Victor said, putting his elbow on the rink wall and looking at Yuuri casually, as if he had been preforming for Yuuri.

"Your routine? Oh god, it was incredible Victor. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. Honestly I don't know how you move like that and so in rhythm, there wasn't even any music!" Yuuri said, his face lighting up. "But it was a bit similar to your free skate performance in Throphée de France 2014. It even had the same jumps, though I suppose you changed the order of them." Yuuri shut up once he realised he wasn't just talking to one of his friends who knew he was practically obsessed with Victor, he was talking to Victor himself who probably thought this was pretty creepy. 

Victor pushed himself off the wall, laughing as he slid backwards. "You sound just like my coach." He said, stretching his arm muscles. 

Yuuri shrugged and tried to look innocent. "I mean, it's sort of your thing you know? You come up with something new each time." He placed his arms on the rink wall and put his chin on top of them. "Which is what's so impressive about you. There are limited things you can do on the ice, limited jumps and motions that get you points and yet you rearrange them each time in such a refreshing way that they seem all new." 

Victor stopped and looked over at him seriously for a moment. "You're right." He said, pushing his fringe back, his eyes following to the icy floor. "You would think I could keep doing it but I think I'm starting to run out of ideas." He said softly before looking up at Yuuri again. "Oops, maybe I wasn't suppose to say that." He gave him a trademark smile, a smile that extended so much that his eyes closed. "I think I can trust that you won't sell that information to a newspaper for a lot of money."

Yuuri laughed nonchalantly without thinking before he realised what Victor had said. "No! No of course not Victor!" He replied, holding his hands up. "I would never do that!" 

Victor looked back at him. "I believe you." He said before he started to skate back to the centre. 

"You know, I saw your skating performance. It was riddled with anxiety but..." Victor shrugged. "Call me mad but I think I saw something. You should show me how you skate." Victor said, moving on the ice leisurely.

"Really?" Yuuri asked, widening his eyes. "I-I couldn't!" His heart was going faster at the thought of him skating with Victor on the audience. In fact Victor being the only audience!

"Yes you could." Victor said, giving him a small wink. "You must be somewhat good since you made it to the Grand Prix even though you were..."

"Last place." Yuuri said softly, looking down.

"Who cares about that? I mean, I was last place before."

"No you weren't." Yuuri said, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, maybe I wasn't, but you know, if you skate thinking you will be last place, you _will_ be last place." Victor added going from right to left in front of the wall, his arms extended on each side, head thrown back with his eyes closed as if had just performed an immaculate routine perfectly and was accepting his applause.

He looked over at Yuuri who looked away. "Please?" He asked, putting on his best puppy dog eyes and meeting his hands in front of him as if he was begging. "For me Yuuri-kun?" An exaggerated frown on his face.

Yuuri blinked rapidly with his mouth open. Victor was...begging him to skate for him? No, this was definitely a dream. He hid his face with both of his hands.

"Yuuri-kuuuuun, knock knock." Victor said, amused, as he pretended to knock on Yuuri's hands. 

Yuuri took a deep breath. You know, he would do it. If this was a dream he'd better do it before he woke up. Celestino was always talking about how his loss sometimes came from him overthinking his next move so that's what he wouldn't do this time. He would just accept it. He'd do it. He would. 

He lowered his hands and there was a different expression on his face this time. Victor was right. If he thought he would suck, he would. If he had made it to the Grand Prix that did mean he was at least somewhat good! Yuuri gave him a determined nod and quickly ran inside, picking up the first skates he saw that were his size. He knew his performance wouldn't be as good since he didn't have his own skates but he tried not to think about that and make excuses. 

"Oh, there it is~ There is the Yuuri who wants to win gold!" Victor shouted behind him, obviously entertained.

Victor tried to ignore the comment as he quickly put on the skates and instantly noticed how loose they were at some parts. He just decided to do his best anyway.

Victor slid to the door and opened it, holding it open for Yuuri who shook off his jacket and scarf, took off his glasses and pushed his hair back with a hand. He was pretty cold and he hadn't even warmed up and stretched but it mattered very little anymore. 

"Good luck." Victor said giving him a wink as he stepped on the ice, Victor now imitating his stance from before, his arms on the side of the rink, his chin on top of them. 

While Yuuri slid to the centre of the rink he didn't hear anything apart from his heart beating in his chest. He turned around and faced Victor, watching him while trying to decide what routine he should show him. Should he show him how his Grand Prix routine was meant to be? Maybe...But maybe he should just...surprise him. 

Victor was watching him intently but he couldn't see him properly anymore because of the light. He was just a dark shadow.

Yuuri took a deep breath and bowed his head down.

When he heard the music in his head he raised his head with gentle eyes, looking upwards. He raised his right arm and bent it behind his head. He only had one chance at this. His head tilted to the side to follow his arm, his hand rubbing the side of his face as he curled and spun. There was no backing down. With his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes closed, he made his first forward move on the ice, letting his arm lead him. With his next spin, he softly hovered his hands over his chest before going down on one knee. 

The melody of _Stay Close to Me_ filled his head. He heard the flutes, he heard the singer, he even heard the soft strings on the background.

He kept his movements as elegant and poised as he could while he turned and stroked the air with his fingers, going into a quadruple Lutz which was a little sloppy though he quickly forgot about it in order to progress.

The next jump was Victor's signature move. Determined yet still as graceful as he could be, he gained his momentum and tried to do a quadruple flip, though he quickly found himself on the floor, pushing himself off with his gloved hand, not wasting a moment on his failure. 

He felt different and he needed to preserve this feeling.

He nailed the next jump, despite his loose skates, skating backwards while moving his arms next to his head, then up and down, just like the original owner of this routine. He only hoped it looked like how Victor has skated it. He hoped Victor had felt the same ache in his heart watching him here that Yuuri did watching him. 

He hoped Victor's heart jumped every time Yuuri jumped. If only he could manage that one day. 

His expression was sad but soft yet still determined, it was almost as if he had forgotten about everything around him and gotten lost in the music in his head. 

He raised his leg and started spinning with his eyes closed, holding his arms up, bending down with both legs for a moment before raising his leg again, spinning. He felt the cold air burn his face, the sweat drops on his face meeting the freezing temperature and tingling where they dried. He met his hands behind his back and extended his body to the best of his ability, feeling the pleasant burn of his entire body stretching. 

He honestly couldn't imagine being anywhere else right now.

He lowered his leg and combined the motion to another spin, raising his leg once more to skate forward, moving his arm up, doing another small jump and releasing his breath as he met the ice again, taking another breath as he jumped into a flying sit spin. The sound of his skates scraping against the ice grounded him. He briefly remembered Celestino's advice on trying to breath more regularly. 

Raising his arms as if trying to feel a heavenly power, he noticed he honestly couldn't remember why he was doing this at that moment, he only knew he had to finish it. He held his ankle as he performed the flying sin spit, his arm raised, air going through his fingers and getting into the tiny fibers of his gloves.

He got up and span again, the world going around him. He moved his legs into a spread eagle. His expression had fallen into a vulnerable one, his eyebrows lifted up, all of his face exposed to the world and seeming pale from the light shining down on him.

The next jump was a quadruple Salchow, but Yuuri didn't get enough rotations and landed a triple salchow. Usually he would be angry with himself _then_  try to move on but now he barely even registered it, only hearing the powerful voice of the singer that made him feel like a piece of ambrosia, something that held in godly powers of immortality.

He raised his arm and stroked his head from the top of it to his neck, his arms moving together to make music as he bent his whole body and started gaining momentum for a combination jump he landed flawlessly. The moments he spent on the air were not even a second yet he felt like they were an eternity. As if he was flying amongst the tiny snowflakes that were lazily dancing on the air around him.   

As he kept moving faster, his long sleeved t-shirt started billowing. It made cold air seeping in and stroke the warm skin of his stomach. It made him shiver. He felt so cold and so warm at the same time.

For around 10 seconds or so his mind went completely empty. He wasn't even sure if he was still following the routine as his body was moving on it's own but he just knew, he could feel the music, he could feel it streaming down his body like a river.

He landed the triple lutz and only almost fell on the triple flip.

He was dancing for Victor Nikiforov. He was trying to seem beautiful for him.

Irresistible.     

The last jump was a combination jump. A quadruple toe loop into a triple toe loop.

He completely cleared his mind as he music went louder in his head. When he landed he wasn't sure if he had done the correct jumps, or if he had even jumped at all. He must have done something right because he heard some sort of cheer from somewhere.

He went into a combination spin, his final movements, the music got even louder in his head drowning out anything else as he moved his arms and landed once more after the small spin jump, the music took him over completely while he was settling his arms comfortably around the top of his chest, around his neck and looking up. He was panting when the music stopped, the snowflakes landing on his face.

The sky looked so beautiful when there were so many snowflakes all doing their own routine while coming to him.

Yuri lowered his head and rubbed the snowflakes that had accumulated on his eyelashes. What had just happened to him? 

It took about a thirty seconds for him to realise Victor was saying something, though he couldn't exactly hear him. So he skated towards him, wiping his sweat.

Victor looked genuinely impressed though looked like he was trying to hide it. He looked more serious all of a sudden though, that much was very apparent. 

"Seems like I'm not the only one full of surprises, huh?" Victor said, pushing Yuuri's hair back since it had disheveled. Yuri relished the warm touch and closed his eyes, swallowing, his breath still coming in short and fast.

"I have to say..." Victor added, his voice sounding a little lower and quieter than usual. "I didn't even realise there was no music playing until you were done."

His head bowed down a little, wordlessly accepting the compliment. He couldn't even register it right now. His idol hadn't told him he was bad, or that he didn't deserve to skate competitively. He had given him a compliment that the Japanese skater would think about for an eternity.

Yuuri opened his eyes and looked up at Victor who was looking up and was deep in thought. He took this time to catch his breath and pull his shirt down as it had rode up a little.

"Okay, I'll give you some time to prepare. How about that?" Victor asked suddenly, looking over at Yuuri again.

"Time? Prepare...Prepare for what?" Yuuri asked softly, confused. Had he missed something?

"Yes, I will give you one week to perform a short program, and another week for a free skate." 

Yuuri blinked dumbfoundedly. "...Eh?"

"You'll have the entire week to learn and practice your routine so you can then perform it for me."

He was going to perform for Victor? Hang on, what was...

"I don't understand, why do I-"

Victor seemingly ignored him, still lost in thought as he looked upwards once more, his right hand on his chin while his left hand supported his right arm. "Yes, that should be enough, and there's speakers here right? We'll play the music from there so you won't have to wear headphones while doing your routine."

"H-hang on a second!" Yuuri said finally as he pointed a finger at Victor, getting his attention. "But how can I create an entire routine and find the music and practice and train just in a week!?" The Japanese skater began, flailing his arms. "I need a rink, and I need a coach and-"

Victor cut him off and shrugged nonchalantly. " Oh that's easy. There is this rink, and I'll be your coach."

Yuuri parted his lips, looking at Victor with wide eyes. "You...you'll...you'll be.."

"Your coach, yes." The Russian skater chimed, fixing his gloves. "You'll train with me here after the rink closes and you'll perform at the end of each week. I already have some moves in my mind so the routine shouldn't be a problem." And there it was, the wink again. Yuuri's face turned pink.

His heart was going so madly fast and this time it wasn't from the skating. Victor. Was going to coach him? He was going to perform for him? What if he failed? What if Victor just didn't show up one day? His mind was racing with questions. What if they were found out? Would he be fired? Phichit...

"Okay." Yuuri heard himself say. Wait! Why had he just agreed like that? He should have asked time to think! He can't just do this and put his job at risk! Oh god, what if he _did_ get fired. How did he gave up something that was important to his friends life for a childlike fantasy of Victor Nikiforov being his coach?

The damage was done, however.

"Great!" Victor said, clapping his hands together. "I have the music I want for your short program on my phone."

Yuuri moved away from the door as Victor opened it and went over to his back, fishing out his phone and his earphones. He extended one of them to Yuuri.

"It's called In Regards to Love: Eros." 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Hello guys, quick thing, I don't know why but I sort of started becoming pretty self-conscious about my writing this chapter and how the fic is going. I do have an idea of how to story will go etc but it seems like this is going to have a lot more chapters as this will span on two weeks and it's right now the second day... I feel like this will have another 5 chapters more or less (I am not sure, could be a lot more, could be less). If you are willing to read that long, would you be so kind as to leave me a comment saying so? If there won't be anyone reading all of it, I sort of feel like I'm wasting a lot of time you know? Thanks again :) I'm very happy about all the nice comments and all the kudos!
> 
> \-------
> 
> I just saw the new episode and vICTOR WHAT THE FUCK???
> 
> Next week is the season finale. Honestly, at this point if they don't make a season 2 I'm pretty sure mass suicide will ensue. 
> 
> ~ 
> 
> Anyway oh gosh, here is your smut. I just hope I was able to write it well and it was too...you know, out of nowhere. It was a bit right? And I know, I know, this is sort of unrealistic but well, this is a fic and you have to understand Yuuri is a sweet sweet virgin who definitely would and will come in his pants. This is rather long I think? It feels a bit rushed though. Please tell me if you feel it needs a little more work! I will maybe go back to this chapter and edit it more so make sure to tell me what you think can be better as well.
> 
> Translations~
> 
> myshka: little mouse  
> kotyonok: kitten  
> lyubov: love
> 
> Weird, my aunt calls me myshka sometimes, I had no idea it was Russian.

Yuuri had returned to the hotel so late last night. 

First they had listened to the song a few times and Victor had basically ignored his protest and pleads. The Russian skater seemed very set on the music and Yuuri was a little scared now.

His music had always been slow and sensual. This music was...it was passion, it was desire. He didn't know how to move his body according to it.  

Victor had shown him the routine a few times and Yuuri got a little chance to try it out himself, though of course feeling stupid while doing so. He was trying to convey and emotion that he hadn't ever felt before.

The guitar, the violin... The piece was so... _spicy_. 

It was a beautiful piece Yuuri had to say but he just didn't know where to begin.   

Was he meant to do sharp and demanding movements? But then the aesthetic would be all wrong. 

Was he meant to do soft and elegant movements? What was passionate about that? 

Thankfully Victor had helped him clean the ice afterwards while give him some pointers on how to jump more cleanly. Even though Yuuri was listening to them intently he couldn't help but realise Victor didn't tell him anything about how to reflect the emotion of this piece. 

Yuuri just didn't understand Eros. He couldn't tell yet if Victor could see that until Victor has asked him about his love life after the routine.  

All he knew while he was trying out the routine that he was tired and cold and was desperately trying to remember what the next move was, rendering him unable to show any emotion.

When he skated towards Victor afterwards, panting, Victor had given him an understanding smile and said "We will work on it more tomorrow."  

Yuuri had been quite grateful. Mostly because Victor hadn't given up on him after his awful and exhausted Eros performance that probably butchered the routine. And somewhat because he was knackered and at that time he still was thinking about how the ice needed cleaning. 

When he made it to bed it was around five in the morning. 

He threw himself on the mattress and fell asleep before he knew it, forgetting to even remove his glasses. 

He woke up around 3 in the afternoon, feeling more disoriented than he usually felt after waking up. 

His first thought was Victor Nikiforov and then later the amazing dream he had of skating with him. 

He stared at the ceiling for a few moments, trying to relive the images and remember the details. 

_ Victor skated towards him and caught his chin in his hand, making Yuuri look up to him. "Yuuri." He almost sang. Yuuri had never heard his name be spoken like that. "Have you never had a lover before?"  _

_ Yuuri looked away, the middle of his face glowing pink. "I-...no, not really." He managed out, trying not to squirm. Victor's eyes were too intense for him to keep look into for long periods of time. _

Hang on. 

Yuuri froze.

That...that had actually happened! 

That hadn't been a dream at all.  

Well, it wasn't his fault he thought that. It wouldn't have been the first time he had a confusingly intimate dream of Victor he didn't know what to do with. 

Yuuri quickly stood up and started pacing, his vision going dark for a few seconds from getting up too fast. 

No, he had actually skated with Victor Nikiforov. And he had promised to return _every single night_ for two weeks. 

And he had to perform for him. 

_God Yuuri_ , he thought, _what did you get yourself into?_

* * *

The day passed quite fast, much faster than he expected. There wasn't much business tonight, not like yesterday. Yuuri thought it was perhaps because the weather had gotten even colder, if that was even possible. He had even seen the news of a few car crashes on the hotel television and these had happened despite all the preparation and deicing. 

Idly watching the people skate while drying a pair of skates he heard Dominika approach him. 

"Hi Yuuri." She said shyly, a covered smile on her face.

"Oh, hello." Yuuri replied, giving him a friendly smile back. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yes!" Dominika said, kicking a piece of ice that was on the floor. She seemed to not know what to do with herself.

"Did you...want something?" Yuuri asked after noticing Dominika wasn't going to say anything else. 

"Oh... ah! I just wanted to say that the Zamboni is still broken but that I can help you clean the ice today! I was going to meet a friend early tomorrow but she canceled, so I can stay a little late. Maybe....we....could even get something to eat afterwards? Or maybe some coffee."

"But, I don't like coffee." Yuuri said, without thinking.

Dominika widened her eyes. "Oh, well, it doesn't have to be coffee! We can get something else. It'll be a bit late but I think I know a place that will be open if we leave right after we are done."

Yuuri froze in place. No, no, no. If Dominika made him leave with him he couldn't practice with Victor! Then he would have to clean the ice again after their practice. He tried to contain his panic.

"Oh that's okay!" He grinned a bit too wide and dropped the skate trying to make a motion. "I'll handle it. You shouldn't go home so late anyway." 

"No, it's okay, I'll just get a taxi-" Dominika tried to reason, looking down at the stake that was dropped but Yuuri seemed pretty manic and she thought maybe she should just leave him alone for now.

"No, no, I got it! It doesn't even take me long. Just go home. Please." Yuuri winced inwardly after noticing he had begged her to go home. Dominika gave him a confused smile. "

"Right...okay, maybe another time then?" She asked hopefully, rubbing left elbow with his right hand.

"Sure, another time." Yuuri said, thinking that he would just deal with that later.

When she left, he just looked down at the skate he had dropped and sighed. Was Victor even going to show up today? What reason did he have to show up anyway? Yuuri really wanted to believe this wasn't just a cruel trick. 

* * *

Yuuri waited for about an hour after everyone left. 

What had initially started as a small twinge of anxiety was now having him pacing back and forth, checking the rink and the door of the tent every two seconds. Victor wasn't here, Victor wasn't here, he wasn't coming. Why would he even come? Yuuri wasn't all that special. He hadn't been impressive enough yesterday was he? Victor just wanted to let it go gently and not say it to his face. He knew it, he should just quit skating all togethe-

"Hello!" 

Yuuri stilled as he heard the familiar sound. 

There the Russian skater was, holding a brown paper bag and trying to balance two drink cartons in his arms, looking rather goofy. "Sorry I'm late! I decided I would make it up to you with a little snack and I got us some coffee too!"

The Russian skater's eyes were glinting. His energy was always so high, Yuuri didn't know where he got it from.

Something in Yuuri that had been getting bigger and bigger with tension burst.

"I got us some _khvorost_ , a few  _pyshki,_ some freshly made _Vatrushka ... "_

* * *

 

"Yuuri, how frequently do you touch yourself?"

Yuuuri choked on his coffee. 

Victor gave him a lazy smile, his arm propped up on his elbow on the table they were sitting around and supporting his head. 

Yuuri couldn't believe Victor could talk about something like that so casually. 

"Victor! I'm not going to talk to you about how frequently I-I.." 

"Touch yourself?" Victor finished his sentence, his smile turning into an amused one.  

Yuuri averted his eyes, trying to cough out the coffee that went down the wrong pipe. A blush was prominent on his face. 

"Not so much, hm?" Victor uttered, running his thumb down Yuuri's cheek slowly before curling his finger around his jaw. 

Yuuri looked at him, not coughing anymore.

Truth was Yuuri wasn't quite knowledgable about sex. Him touching himself was infrequent and mostly  consisting of him thinking about vague concepts that were slightly sexual. He would only ever think of something lewd when he was about to release and it usually was a mess of bodies and ideas. Sometimes he would spill thinking about a mouth on him, sometimes he would release imagining someone fitting their fingers inside him. He could never dare to think of actual people or even touching himself anywhere else other than his cock. Needless to say it never felt good enough to frequent this behaviour. It was more of chore and sometimes a stress relief. 

Yuuri shook his head lightly. "I'm not a pervert you know." He gave Victor a look as if trying to confirm what he just said. Victor's fingers tightened around Yuuri's jaw, forcing a little sound out of the him. 

Victor smirked. "Touching yourself doesn't mean you're a pervert Yuuri." He chimed, extending the u in his name. "I'm only asking because you don't seem to be understanding what the piece is about."

Yuuri wanted to pull himself away from the grip. He felt like he was under a spotlight. Victor's blue eyes were focused on him so intently. He tried to pull away just a little and was met with an equal amount of force. Victor didn't seem like he wanted to let go yet. 

"And what _is_ it about anyway?" Yuuri huffed. "You didn't even tell me anything about it! You know this is not the type of music I usually dance to! I don't get it. I don't think I ever felt so awkward trying to dance to something since I was learning how to dance for the first time!" 

He saw Victor tilt his head to the side as if considering. "You want me to tell you what it's about?" The smirk on his face was dirty. "What if I show you instead?"

"Hang on, what do you mea-" The Russian cut Yuuri's words as he stood up.

"Yes, on the ice. Come on." Victor had already started putting his skates on and after about five seconds Yuuri realised he was meant to be doing the same thing. 

Victor waited until both of them had skated to the center of the rink, watching Yuuri carefully as the Japanese skater pushed his hair back. 

Right when he was about to open his mouth he saw Victor's gaze visibly darken. It shut him right up. 

"The thing about Eros, Yuuri..." Victor's words were like honey as he was moving forward to the other skater's personal space. Yuuri instinctively started skating backwards but Victor matched his speed. 

"Is that everyone has their own one." Yuuri felt warm fingers on his cheek. 

The Japanese skater had no idea what Victor was doing but it was making his heart leap. His gaze was affixed on the Russian's eyes which had become hooded with an emotion he couldn't exactly place.  The intensity of his gaze made Yuuri uncomfortable and exhilarated at the same time. Just the sheer force of it could pierce his soul. 

Victor pressed his lips together, touching the corner of Yuuri's mouth with his thumb. When he saw Yuuri's lips twitch from the unexpected contact, his lips curled into a smug smile.

"Victor..." Yuuri began as they kept moving together, painfully in sync. The Japanese skater was becoming increasingly confused but he didn't _really_ want to break the spell. Victor pressed his thumb gently on Yuuri's lips, shutting him up anyway. 

Yuuri wished that the way he swallowed hard hadn't been visible. 

Victor parted Yuuri's lips with the tip of his thumb, his other hand settling on Yuuri's hip. His lips were a little chapped but still Victor's thumb slid among it with ease. Yuuri let out a shaky breath. 

Snowflakes had accumulated on Victor's silver hair and eyelashes. He looked like a piece of art escaped from the Hermitage Museum, Yuuri thought. The light was hitting his face in such a painfully beautiful way that Yuuri's heart clenched.   

He only realised that they had skated to the other end of the rink when his back hit the rink wall with a thud. 

Nowhere to escape.

What _was_  he trying to escape from?

Taking advantage of this, Victor leaned in to him, his breath hot on Yuuri's face. The hand on his hip had become an arm around his waist. Yuuri thought it was impossible that Victor couldn't hear his heart beating against his chest.

Victor leaned in closer, their noses touching just so. Yuuri's only area of vision was now the lower side of the Russian's face. His pale skin, the end of his perfect nose, his pink lips which were curling into something malicious.

Yuuri watched Victor's lips part. He placed his hands flat against the wall behind him as if bracing himself. 

Was Victor going to...?

"This is it Yuuri." Victor whispered.

Yuuri ached with something he didn't quite understand. His knees were shaking.  

This was it?

Was this _Eros_?

They were both quiet for a few seconds though Yuuri could swear it had been longer. Their faces hovering, almost touching, something thick like melted chocolate swimming between them. 

Yuuri found himself wanting to lean forward and feel the warmth of Victor's face. In his little world right now, Victor was a fireplace in a snowstorm. No. Victor was water in a desert. 

Yuuri settled his hands on Victor's forearms, digging his fingers into him as the Russian kept the excruciatingly close yet so far away distance between them. 

There was something deep bubbling inside of him. Yuuri moved his face an inch closer to to other man's face right when-

"This...is Eros."  Victor added deeply. After the words spilled from his mouth he briefly brushed their lower lips together before pulling away and skating away from Yuuri with a mischievous grin. 

Yuuri stood there, dumbstruck, releasing a shaky breath. He had been holding his breath, he noticed. For quite some time. 

Victor turned around once at the centre and noticed Yuuri was still standing right where he left him.

"You're so cute." Victor chimed as he pushed his fringe back. "We're not done yet." 

Yuuri was still trying to process what had happened and why he was half hard in his pants when Victor pulled him from his wrist to the center of the rink again. 

His lips burned where Victor had touched them and the cold air felt pleasant against his burning face. 

"You can speak you know." Victor said sweetly and Yuuri coughed, looking away, embarrassed. 

"Yes, yes I know." He said with curt nod. It was hard to meet those icy blue eyes now. It felt too intense, the thought made his entire body clench. 

"Oh good. I was starting to think I broke you...and I'm not even through with you yet." Victor's finger tapped Yuuri's pink nose. 

Yuuri felt utterly dizzy, like he'd had a sip of the sweetest yet most powerful wine in existence. 

He swallowed yet again, rubbing both of his hands on his face to gather himself. 

Victor wasn't done. He wasn't done? 

Yuuri looked up at him once more once he felt a tiny bit more composed. He was afraid to ask but he had to. 

"What's next?" 

Victor's smirk was downright filthy. "Eager, are we?"  

Yuuri scowled. "Look just...just teach me okay? If this is going to help me place better next season, I want you to teach it to me."  

"It won't just help you place better  _myshka_ "  Victor slowly moved behind him. Losing vision of the madman that the Russian was, Yuuri got decently scared about what he was about to do until he felt Victor's chest press against his back as one of the Russian's hand slid down his side. Yuuri watched the long and elegant fingers stroke him, making him release a shaky breath and looking forward. He had no idea what to do with his hands. 

"It will make you win gold." Victor whispered in his ear when he wasn't expecting, making his whole body shiver. 

God. Victor had definitely felt that. He bowed his head down and nestled his face in his hand. "Sorry, you're just..."

"What is it  _kotyonok_?" Victor uttered sweetly as his nose trace the shell of Yuuri's ear. 

"You're just...this is just you showing me Eros right?" Yuuri asked, tired of his confusion. He was steadily getting overwhelmed but was having a hard time asking Victor to stop. Maybe he was having a hard time actually wanting him to stop too. Just a little.  

"Of course, what else would it be?" Victor replied softly. An arm slid around him and suddenly Yuuri felt a cold finger sneaking up his shirt. Victor had splayed his hand right under his belly, just so that he could slide his hand up and be completely under Yuuri's shirt if he wanted to. 

When Yuuri felt a little force and a finger slipping behind the waistband of his pants he involuntarily bucked his hips, his body bending in two. His hips dug into Victor's. " _Victor_..." He whined, his hands settling on his face again, his eyes squeezed. 

When Victor replied with a soft bite on his ear Yuuri yelped and clenched his whole body, feeling his heart beat now against the zipper of his pants. 

"What are you doing to me?" Yuuri managed to whisper. 

Victor hummed in his ear and placed a gentle kiss on it. "Helping you skate better." He whispered back as one of his arm went around his waist securing him. He pinched the waistband of his pants, letting Yuuri feel the gentle graze of his nail along the waistband on his underwear.

"Ah..." Yuuri let out, his hands now clenching on the arm around him. His face was definitely red. "This is so...inappropriate." Yuri managed to say. They were outside for god's sake even though it was quite late. They were in public. If they were caught this could get him deported or something, right?

Victor didn't seem to mind at all however. "Hmm, well, some people like inappropriate." Yuuri could hear the smile from his voice. It was beyond Yuuri how Victor always managed to sound so sweet while saying the dirtiest things. 

Yuuri bit the inside of his lips while he watched dumbly as Victor unbuttoned his pants. Right then it hit him that Victor could probably see his...little problem. The problem that had been pressing against his zipper for the past few minutes, trying to get Yuuri's attention. 

Yuuri felt so embarrassed and tried to stop Victor however his zipper was already undone by the time he caught his wrist. 

"V-Victor, you are...you shouldn't be...a-ah..." 

"Now now, be a good student Yuuri~ _"_  And as if proving a point Victor's finger pressed against just the underside of the head of his cock over his underwear, made apparent by a tiny wet patch. Yuuri threw his head back, his head meeting Victor's shoulder. His grip on Victor's wrist was so tight that it was probably hurting him. 

" _Please_ , Victor, you don't understand!" Yuuri tried to explain. He already felt so stimulated. His whole body was shaking. It took all of his willpower not to push Victor's hand down to himself so he could _oh please_ grip it and touch him. If Victor kept this up terrible, terrible things were going to happen. 

"I think I do." The Russian skater whispered in his ear before he ran his fingers down Yuuri's length, still covered by his underwear, lingering delectably at the bottom before cupping his balls. 

Yuuri was panting with disbelief, looking down at the ice with wide eyes, still trying to process that Victor Nikiforov was teasing him so so _so_ painfully in the middle of a public rink. It was getting so hard to keep his balance and he probably would have already nearly lost it a few times if it wasn't for Victor's strong grip.  

Yuuri squeezed his eyes when the fingers danced around the head and then suddenly gripped him. What broke him was the single and sharp thrust of Victor's hips, making Yuuri feel the matching hardness in his new coach's pants to make him shudder and let out a strangled sound as he came almost untouched. 

He felt it swim through every fiber of his being, a feeling of euphoria he had never experienced before. He found that his legs were no longer working and he was completely being held up by Victor.

He quickly hid his face, wincing at the half pleasure-half pain that Victor obtained by pressing his finger just under the head of his cock again. H is body shivered with a second wave of pleasure that only lasted a second. He had never felt so embarrassed but incredible in his life.

"Now, you only need to put this on the ice."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, it's not a mistake, Yuuri totally drank the coffee cause Vitya brought it especially for him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vkusno: Delicious  
> Katsudon: Pork Cutlet Bowl
> 
> I'd like to take a moment and make you guys remember that Yuuri is an unreliable narrator! For those of you who don't know that term, I will quickly explain it. This fic focuses on Yuuri's POV most of the time. So if there is a sentence saying something like a fact, that means Yuuri thinks it's a fact. It may not actually be a fact. For example Yuuri thinks he is an average skater despite making it to the Grand Prix and his posters plastered all over AND also let us not forget Minami who sees Yuuri basically like how Yuuri sees Victor.
> 
> Moving on,
> 
> I have a good idea of what I want to put in every chapter apart from this one....So I'm sorry if this sucks, its like crack... oops.
> 
> My notes basically say "relationship building + practice".
> 
> Yes....I have notes...you can't write a 17(?) chapter fanfiction without some planning right?
> 
> I will read over it and look at my mistakes tomorrow as I only planned to write a little and now its 2:40 AM. 
> 
> \--  
> Yuri On Ice opinion of the day:  
> SPOILERS for 11th episode
> 
> Guys can we talk about how much Yuri P. has improved? He said he "lost" the Onsen performance and even though Yuuri performed Eros rather well in the Grand Prix like in Onsen and he didn't visibly fuck up like JJ apart from touching down once and he got an average score but Yuri fucking destroyed with Agape! He actually worked so hard and he did it, beating Victor's world record in his first goddamn senior competition at 15 years of age! I'm proud. If it isn't Yuuri who would gets gold I want it to be Yuri. 
> 
> Also that "davai" for Otobek was /everything/. 
> 
> And I don't dislike JJ that much now, so that's a thing.

It had been particularly hard trying to practice in soiled pants even though he had manage to clean himself up a bit after the...rather unfortunate event that had happened because of a certain Russian. 

Gradually it got easier to look into the Russian's eyes. Once he had dropped the "act" he was actually very easy to talk to again and helped Yuuri split his routine into parts so he could practice them individually. 

"You need to be seductive." Victor had told him. "The point is for you to get _me_  to feel like how I made you feel, basically. Though your only guns will be your skates."

In his shower at the hotel, he shivered as he tried to completely get rid of the mess he had made. What Victor said was still stuck in his head. 

Yuuri pushed his hair back and stared at the white tiles of the shower, droplets of water trickling down his face. He'd just had his first sexual experience. And it had been with a man even though he always just assumed it would be with a woman.

It had been with _Victor Nikiforov_ for crying out loud! Who seemed to know exactly how to push his buttons. 

_How was he ever going to make Victor feel how he had felt?_

It had puzzled him ever more how he didn't push Victor back. He remembered last year when his rinkmate was in an accident and his friend had hugged him to comfort him. He had reacted to badly, pushing her away, running. Running, just like he had ran from Victor after the Grand Prix. He couldn't really understand why Victor had slipped under his personal barriers so fast and so suddenly.

Yuuri wasn't someone particularly romantic but he hadn't thought his first experience would be something like this.

When he told Victor to go on, when he had allowed him to do whatever he did, the only thought in Yuuri's head was how much he wanted to win. He wasn't even thinking logically then. He weirdly trusted Victor, thinking he just _knew_ the way to win. Yuuri knew he said he wanted "to place better" to Victor but in his mind, he always thought about winning. The reason he changed it was he couldn't just tell five-time-gold-medalist-winnter-Victor fucking Nikiforov that he wanted to top him next season. Yuuri wanted to win. He entered every competition with winning in his mind.

He figured that was why Victor had suddenly acquired an all-access pass. It overrode some of the commands in his body that were caused by emotions, the feeling of wanting to win. Yuuri was willing to sacrifice so much. He couldn't just show this to everyone though. That would make people try to console him more when he lost, and that just made things even worse. 

It was still hard to believe that Victor had seen something in him to begin with anyway.

Once he returned to his room, rather worried about where his life was going before he heard the familiar chime of his phone receiving a message. 

_**Are you asleep?** _

_**-Victor~ 04:18 AM** _

Yuuri pursed his lips. Had Victor put his number in his phone when he was in the bathroom? 

**_Yeah, just took a shower. Planning on sleeping soon._ **

**_Sent~ 04:18 AM_ **

He replied without much thought. He threw his phone gently on the bed before starting to dry his hair with a towel. The phone chimed again pretty quickly

_**Trying to clean up the remains of the little fun we had? ;))** _

_**-Victor~ 04:19 AM** _

Yuuri scowled. 

_**Thanks by the way. I now only have a few pairs that are clean and I'm here for another two weeks.** _

_**Sent~ 04:19 AM** _

_**-** _

_**Pleasure ;)** _

_**-Victor~ 04:19 AM** _

Yuuri pressed his lips together. Victor was still so casual about it. As if what he did was a daily occurrence for him. Yuuri didn't want to think that it was. His thoughts dispersed with another chime.

_**I may know a place you can do some laundry. Consider it an apology, even though it was you who made the mess.** _

_**-Victor~ 04:19 AM** _

Yuuri was happy that technology hadn't gone so far as to show Victor how he pink his face was at that comment. He sort of understood this now, Victor was trying to tease him. And it worked. He managed to not react to it.

_**That would be rather good actually.** _

_**Sent~ 04:20 AM** _

He hadn't thought about it until now but he didn't really have many clothes with him and he would eventually have to wash them, especially since he got rather sweaty from practice. 

**_What's your favourite food?_ **

**_-Victor~ 04:20 AM_ **

Yuuri was puzzled at the question. 

**_Katsudon. Why?_ **

**_Sent~ 04:20 AM_ **

When the answer didn't come immediately he decided to put some clothes on. He really could have gone for a bowl right now. He hadn't eaten anything since the baked goods Victor brought. He had eaten quite a lot too, though Victor only seemed endeared by his appetite. 

Right when he was in his underwear, his t-shirt sliding over his head, his phone buzzed again.

_**Okay, I won't lie, I had to google that. Seems tasty though I hope you don't eat these during competitive season. Do you know how many calories are in this? You don't want to know.** _

_**-Victor~ 04:22 AM** _

_**-** _

_**I eat them when I win.** _

_**Sent~ 04:22** _

_**-** _

_**Oh, when was the last time you ate one?** _

_**-Victor~ 04:23 AM** _

_**-** _

_**I don't know, last month?** _

_**Sent~ 04:23 AM** _

_**-** _

_**Why? You didn't win anything.** _

_**-Victor~ 04:23 AM** _

Yuuri's jaw dropped, his phone nearly hitting the floor with that comment. Embarrassment filled him. 

_**Anyway. Well Yuuri, now that I'm your coach I have to know everything about you. We need to spend more time together. Eat together. Sleep together. That reminds me, how do you feel about spending the night over tomorrow? I think we can get to know each other better by sleeping in the same room.** _

_**-Victor~ 04:23 AM** _

Yuuri widened his eyes. 

_**No Victor.** _

_**Sent~ 04:24 AM** _

_**-** _

_**Come on Yuuri. I promise I don't snore or kick in my sleep!** _

_**-Victor~ 04:24 AM** _

_**-** _

_**Victor! I won't sleep with you.** _

_**Sent~ 04:24 AM** _

Yuuri blushed typing that. He knew what the English phrase "sleeping with" meant. And he knew that he couldn't 100% safely say that statement was true if you took that into consideration. After what Victor made him feel like Yuuri was convinced he would never feel as good just touching himself. Something deep inside him craved to feel it again while the more "reasonable" part of his body buried that as deep as they could. 

_**Fine. Maybe another day then. And if you won't sleep with me you need to tell me everything about yourself. I want to know everything about you.** _

_**-Victor~ 04:24 AM** _

Yuuri smiled a little at that. It made him sort of feel like Victor cared about him. That Victor wanted to know what kind of a person he was. It was exciting, even though he had mostly gotten over the initial shock of talking to his idol daily- ~~and doing some other stuff~~. 

_**My name is Yuuri Katsuki. I am from Hasetsu, Kyushu, Japan. I turned 23 last month. My parents own a hot spring called Yu-topia in Hasetsu. It's the last one in town. I started skating at a very young age and have been learning ballet even longer. When I was 18 I moved to Detroit and I've been staying there for the past five years.** _

_**Sent~ 04:25 AM** _

_**-** _

_**I meant more about your skating. Like which jumps you can make etc.** _

_**-Victor~ 04:25 AM** _

Yuuri's heart clenched painfully in his chest from even embarrassment. Of course he had, why would he want to kno-

**_I was joking! Sorry, only now just realised that might have been a little cruel :P_ **

**_-Victor~ 04:25 AM_ **

Yuuri stared down at his phone in disbelief and plenty of annoyance. 

**_Goodnight Victor._ **

**_Sent~ 04:26 AM_ **

The answer was almost instant.

**_Yuuri I was just joking! Please, tell me more. It was just a joke, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. Gomennasai senpai!_ **

**_-Victor~ 04:26 AM_ **

Yuuri was going to drop his phone on his nightstand and go to sleep but he decided to correct his seemingly innocent mistake. It was rather nice he was trying to speak his language. 

**_Well, actually you are my senpai._ **

**_Sent~ 04:26 AM_ **

Yuuri looked down at his phone for a few seconds before he made a tired expression. 

_**You literally just said that so I would say you are my senpai, didn't you?** _

_**Sent~ 04:27 AM** _

_**-** _

_**...Busted. You sounded pretty kawaii though. I'd say it was pretty worth it. I would notice you.** _

_**-Victor~ 04:27 AM** _

Yuuri rolled his eyes so hard that it hurt. 

**_You're impossible. Goodnight._ **

**_Sent~ 04:27 AM_ **

**_-_ **

_** No, no, now you are meant to call me "baka", right?  ** _

_** Victor~ 04:27 AM ** _

_**-** _

_**Right Yuuri?** _

_**Victor~ 04:28 AM** _

_**-** _

_**Yuuri!!!** _

_**Victor~ 04:30 AM** _

_**-** _

_****_As your coach I demand you to respond!_ ** ** _

_**Victor~ 04:35 AM** _

-

_**Don't abandon me T-T** _

**_Victor~ 04:37 AM_ **

 

Yuuri's phone buzzed a few more times (now on silent) but he still fell asleep pretty easily. 

* * *

 

When Victor showed up that night, he seemed so overjoyed. Yuuri couldn't have time to brace himself before Victor wrapped his long arms around him, nearly lifting him off the ground. 

"I just had some katsudon. It was so _vkusno_."

Yuuri, slightly lost in Victor's thick coat, smiled and tried to pat Victor's back. "You should try my mother's once."

Victor pulled back, holding Yuuri's shoulders as he looked at him with a brilliant grin. "Really?" He asked in disbelief. 

"Yeah, she makes the best katsudon in the world." Yuuri said with a nod, fixing his glasses with a hand. They had tilted from the rather violent hug. "I mean...you don't have t-"

"I would love to!" Victor exclaimed. "I can totally understand now why you love it so much. I can't imagine how good your mother's will be."

Yuuri's lips curled into a smile without him noticing. 

Victor looked at the air between them before squeezing Yuuri's shoulders and then looking at him again. "You'll be my little tasty katsudon on the ice." 

Yuuri blinked, processing. 

"Try thinking about it while skating. Your favorite food. It should generate _some_  Eros, right?" Victor said, lowering his hands and then pushing his fringe back. 

"Be so tasty that I'll want to eat you whole." 

Yuuri was still considering how to go about this as he slid on the ice with Victor a little later, though he felt like this was progress. This made sense. Katsudon made sense. Yuuri loved katsudon and he knew how it felt to want it.

He would be the tastiest katsudon in the whole world, the most divine, delectable bowl in existence. 

"Do the first part again."

Yuuri was filled with determination. His mind was filled with pictures of katsudon and frankly it was making him a little hungry but that only helped him. 

"That's it Yuuri." Victor encouraged with a clap when Yuuri fell in sync with the song Victor was playing from the little speaker he bought for his phone. He still hadn't memorised all of his routine 100% but it was all coming together in his head slowly like puzzle pieces. 

 _Eros_ blared from the speaker as he fell into the routine.

He felt different this time. 

His spun around, relishing the sound of the ice under his skates during his step sequence. His hands fell naturally on his body, then around his head. 

Millions of hungry people watching him, drooling, _begging_ to take a bite.

He raised his leg, moving with the wind on his face.

Like he was the last piece of food on earth.

When he spread eagled he threw his head back and closed his eyes. His arms extended on either sides of him. He was showing himself off, only teasing the hungry audience in his mind more.

They all wanted him _so badly._

Yuuri ran his hands down his body sensually, throwing his head back. Particles of ice flew around him from the tip of his skate scraping on the ice for his pose. Ready to be devoured by the only one who deserves him.

" _Vkusno_." 

Yuuri closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Victor has seen anime enough to know the clichés, you can't prove otherwise, fight me. He can't be this popular on social media and have no idea about these memes. 
> 
> I SWEAR I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS FIC IT'S NOT CRACK
> 
> *implodes*


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit 2: I moved the start of chapter 8 to the end of chapter 7 for flow
> 
> Edit: The name of the woman in the bar has been changed for clarity
> 
> Hello! In this chapter Yuuri dances to a song and you may want to listen to it before/while you read this fic! It's called Me and Your Mama by Childish Gambino. (It's really good so don't worry)
> 
> Zvyozdochka moy: my little star  
> Rossiya-Matushka: Mother Russia  
> Lapochka: sweetie pie  
> On ochen miliy: he is very cute  
> Molodets: good job  
> Za lyubov!: To love!  
> lyubov: love
> 
> Please don't kill me if you don't like this chapter, I just....ahhh its so hard to write feelings and emotions and sexual stuff and people dancing, I really tried, believe me, ahhhhhh.
> 
> Hope this was at least a little hot... I really can't give it my honest opinion since I can't read it over with a fresh mind since I already know what the next words will be. 
> 
> Not beta'd, again will check for mistakes tomorrow. Love you guys. It's 2 AM. If you want me to spend more time on this chapter, a part of this chapter (or another one) please let me know.

_**Tonight's practice isn't going to be on the ice. Put on your best shirt and wait for me ;))** _

_**-Victor~ 5:12 PM** _

* * *

It was safe to say that the text puzzled Yuuri but then again, here he was arriving at work with a white shirt he had tucked in to his pants. He hadn't brought his skates because Victor had specified they weren't going to be on the ice. 

He only realised the eyes on him when he was unzipping his jacket. Dominika was looking at him from behind the counter. They had spoken a little up until now but Yuuri didn't know much about her still. He gave her a small smile and walked over.

"Hello." Yuuri said. Dominika seemed to lose her words for a second but then quickly composed herself. 

"Oh, hello Yuuri. You look...nice today." She replied, stuffing the money she was counting messily into the box they kept the money in. 

"Thank you." He said with a smile before noticing what she had been doing." Oh...did I interrupt you?" He gestured at the general direction of the money box. 

"Oh...No!...I wanted to start over anyway." Dominika said with a sweet smile. 

"Right." Yuuri replied, pressing his lips together. They looked at each other for a few seconds. 

Yuuri decided to break the silence. "You know it's funny, we don't know anything about each other and this is the third day we are working together." 

"Yeah." Dominika laughed. "Well, you know my name. I'm nineteen. I go to university here in Sochi."

Yuuri jumped when he heard a loud noise behind him. When he turned around he saw Alexei giving him the meanest look he had ever felt on him. It was even worse than Yuri Plisetsky, if that was possible. There was a box of skates on the floor, Yuuri figured Alexei dropped them in purpose.

Dominika said something in Russian to Alexei that sounded rather angry. Alexei responded equally as violently then gave Yuuri one last look before he picked up the box.

"Excuse him. He's a little..." Dominika shook her head. "We just broke up two weeks ago. He isn't taking it very well."

"Oh." Yuuri said, stroking the back of his head. "Why did you break up?... If I'm not being too forward."

Dominika sighed and looked away. "He's just really inconsiderate. Like he was going to take me to the Grand Prix Finals event a few days ago, you know the one for figure skating, but turns out he "forgot" to buy tickets. The internet at my house isn't working so I couldn't even watch the live stream. I had to hear who won through my friends, which you know, I didn't even have to watch to know. He just keeps doing things like this all the time. You know, I forgave him a lot of times but this time I'm just tired of it, doesn't even matter how handsome he is. Ugh, I'm sorry, you probably didn't want to hear all of that."

Oh. Yuuri felt a little uncomfortable all of a sudden. When was the world going to let him move on from this? Dominika didn't seem to recognise him though. Well this had been his first time in the Grand Prix, and she probably just watched it for Victor anyway. Like most other people. Obviously she didn't know him. How he had failed. In front of thousands of watching eyes. He had lost. Pain bloomed in his chest. His vision blurred momentarily. His hand that was slightly trembling pushed his glasses back.  

Dominika must have noticed the sudden shift in Yuuri's mood. "Are you okay? You seem a little...upset." 

Yuuri took a deep breath and tried to smile. "I was there too." He said quietly.

Dominika seemed worried as she continued. "You went to the Grand Prix? What am I saying, you are friends with Phichit right? You must like figure skating too. So you just came to watch it together? Phichit is really intent on being on the ice himself next season but you probably know that." 

Yuuri shook his head, his palms were sweating. He hadn't really listened to half of what Dominika had said.

"No, I was in the competition." Yuuri was pushing himself to stay there, stay upright. 

Dominika squeaked and put her hands on her mouth. "Oh my god, _you_ are the best friend of Phichit kept talking about? The one he stayed in Detroit with? The one who made it to the Grand Prix?" 

That did sound a lot like Phichit. 

"Oh my god, Phichit must have shown me a picture of you but he showed me so many pictures of so many people that I couldn't really memorise anyone's face." 

"That's okay." Yuuri mustered, hoping to move on from this topic. His head hurt and he felt a wave of heat hit him from the inside. He looked out to the rink and tried to focus on the people skating. Trying to follow them with his eyes made him feel nauseous. 

"So, how did you place?" Dominika asked with a smile, now seemingly even more interested in this topic.

Yuuri's breath started coming in short.

"Last-" He noticed he was whispering. He closed his eyes and bowed his head down, clearing his throat. "Last, I placed last." 

Dominika wasn't smiling anymore. 

The Japanese skater felt a hand squeezing his shoulder and stared at Dominika's general direction with wide eyes. It was like something inside him had switched with the contact. His lips had parted, he released a shaky breath between them.

"Yuuri, I'm so sorry to hear that, I'm sure you'll do better next season. I believe...in you...are you...okay...Yuuri?"

Yuuri couldn't make sense of Dominika's words anymore.

He pulled back, shaking his head and looking away. "I need to go to the bathroom." He mumbled, not even sure if he was heard then almost ran to the bathroom.

He heard his name being shouted after him but he barely registered it.  

* * *

Yuuri had just stepped off from the ice when he noticed the silver haired man waving at him from the entrance. He quickly smiled and started waving back. 

"Just a second!" He shouted, cupping his hand next to his mouth. He placed the broom he used to wipe the ice to it's place. 

"No rush!" He heard Victor shout back. 

Yuuri was quite curios about what Victor's plan was for tonight. He had gotten more of a hang of his routine last night. He remembered his moves now and how to move wasn't such a mystery to him anymore. 

When Yuuri walked over to Victor he smiled brightly and pushed his fringe back. "Are you hungry?" 

Yuuri shook his head, it was midnight but he had eaten a couple hours ago on his break. "No, I'm good. Why, are you?"

Victor laughed. "Well, as your coach I need to make sure you don't end up in the hospital. Drinking with an empty stomach is dangerous."

Yuuri looked at him in realisation. "Oh, we're going out to drink? But Victor...how does that help me skate better exactly?"  

Victor seemed like he knew something Yuuri didn't. "You'll see, now come along my tasty katsudon." 

Yuuri blushed softly as he was pulled from his wrist.

"I don't even like to drink!"

* * *

The bar they entered was not as packed as Yuuri expected it to be. It would only make sense Victor would want some privacy sometimes, so he picked less popular bars. 

Once they were seated a middle aged woman came shouting, scaring a Yuuri who was taking is coat off half to death.

"Vitya!"

Victor smiled before getting up and giving her a big hug. The woman said something in Russian before Victor laughed and replied "Yuuri, this is Lidiya. Lidiya, this is Yuuri."

"Good to see you finally bring someone with you." Lildiya said, her accent thick. She nudged Victor with her hip before reaching to the little pocket of her apron, taking out a notepad. "Vitya doesn't visit often but when he does he always comes alone and drinks and drinks, sometimes we he can't walk straight out the door." She laughed deeply. "But  _zvyozdochka moy_ always tips really well so we look the other way." She squeezed the cheek of Victor who had now sat down across Yuuri again. 

Victor seemed a little vulnerable for a second. Yuuri realised Victor didn't want him to know this.

"Now, let's see, four vodka shots each to start?" Lidiya asked, writing what she was saying down.

Yuuri widened his eyes. " _Three shots?_ And that's just the start!? _"_

Lidiya laughed, patting Yuuri's back rather hard _._ "You are in _Rossiya-Matushka_ now  _lapochka._ You'll get used to it."

 _"On ochen miliy Vitya, molodets."_ She winked at Victor with a chuckle before she left to get their drinks.

Victor seemed to smile a little at his hands that were met on top of the table. He didn't reply.

"What did she say?" Yuuri asked, wondering. Was it rude to ask? The woman obviously knew he didn't speak Russian and purposely not said it in English.

"Oh, nothing, she gets the wrong ideas sometimes." Victor said shaking his head.

"Anyway," The Russian skater began, clapping his hand. He was much more energetic all of a sudden. "I think you're improving. You were rather disappointing at first, I have to say." 

Yuuri nearly choked on his spit. Victor was really forward sometimes, maybe he didn't realise he was being hurtful. Well, it was true though, and Yuuri would rather hear this than a lie. 

Victor started taking off his coat, it revealed a wine coloured shirt underneath. The contrast of it to his skin and hair was exquisite. Yuuri suddenly felt rather underdressed in his white shirt even though they were both wearing shirts. 

"But you've turned into quite the delicious pork cutlet bowl yesterday. You stopped looking so stiff. You're starting to understand how love is represented in the music, so I'd say that calls for some celebration."

Yuuri couldn't help the small smile reaching his lips. There was progress, in what he believed to be the right direction. It only made him feel more determined. 

Once their drinks were on the table Victor picked one of them up and raised it up toward Yuuri. 

" _Za lyubov!_ "

Yuuri shivered as the liquid poured warmth into him. 

* * *

...

"He didn't!" 

"Yes he did! Mari-chan was so angry she nearly broke my skates." Yuuri said with a nostalgic smile on his face. He hadn't gone home in...wow, five years now, it was nice to remember some memories. 

"That's so weird, Maccachin is _such_ a nice dog... He _always_ listens to me." Victor drawled before he tried to suck the last part of his cocktail through his straw. Yuuri had noticed he had started talking slower the more he drank. It was sort of cute.

"Did I tell you about the time Yuri met his match?" Victor asked, putting his glass down and looking down at the menu next to it for a new drink. "I mean Yuri Plisetksy, not you."

Yuuri laughed leaning back, for some reason that was very funny to him right now. He was pleasantly dizzy. 

"You know, that's what I was thinking." He mumbled looking at a stain on the ceiling. "Mari-chan always talks about this band. There is a member called Yurio on it. Maybe we should just call him Yurio." He said absent-mindedly, shrugging. He was literally speaking his mind. 

Victor started giggling.

"What?" Yuuri frowned. "Don't you think he would be okay with it?" 

Victor suddenly burst into laughter clutching his stomach. "He would be so angry." He managed to let out between his laughter. 

Yuuri was grinning back at him. "Yeah, he's sort of an asshole isn't he?" 

Victor looked at him in disbelief, his mouth open. 

Yuuri met his eyes and then noticed what he just said. Victor seemed serious. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it." He closed his mouth with his hands trying to fix his mistake. 

After a few seconds Victor burst into another fit of laughter unable to keep his serious face anymore. He shook his head, wiping a tear away from his eye. " _No, you're right._ " He said, he sounded breathless. 

Yuuri laughed along, falling into a fit himself. 

When they both managed to stop laughing, Victor looked at him with a tired smile before he poked Yuuri's nose. Yuuri scrunched it up in response. 

"So anyway. We were at our home rink just practicing as usual. Some of the younger skaters were there that day, I think they were about seven or eight years old. They were going to stretch on the bars to warm up so they put their bags down, right? So when this kid puts his bag down he knocked over a bottle of this sports drink and it goes _all over_ Yurio's new tiger jumper. He goes ballistic, calling the kid a moron and threatening to call his parents and talking to Yakov so he would talk to the kid's teacher and get him off the class. I swear he is fuming at this point and the kid is saying sorry and everything but Yurio is not even listening. Anyway, it settled down and right when the kids were leaving, do you know what happened?"

"What?" Yuuri asked, intrigued.  

"When he was casually passing by, the kid took out a piece of chewing gum from his mouth and _stuck it to Yurio's hair_." 

Yuuri tried really hard to keep his expression serious but it only took him about one or two seconds to start shaking with laughter. He wished he had thought of that before. He nearly knocked over his glass while laughter spilled from his mouth. 

"You should have seen his face when he realised what happened." Victor kept going, his voice filled with laughter. "To this day he always tells people not to chew gum next to him."

"Oh wow..." Yuuri said, breathing out, trying to get his breathing back to normal. His chest hurt from laughing so much in the past few hours. He had to say, he was having so much fun. If this was practice he would do it all day everyday. He felt so dizzy after laughing so much but the feeling wasn't bad. He could say he actually felt...happy.

"Oh, Lidiya, I would like..."

"Sorry Vitya, we are closing." Lidiya replied while gathering their empty glasses. "It's almost three, _lyubov_." 

"Oh it is." Victor said, looking at his phone. 

Yuuri frowned inwardly. He didn't really want to go back yet. When Victor met his eyes he smirked.

It was as if he had read his mind.

"Yuuri. Come on. Let's go dancing."

* * *

 

The nightclub was packed. After they gave their coats in, they barely squeezed in.

The music was so loud Yuuri felt it all through his body. The bass shook him gently each time.

In the middle of the dance floor, Victor pulled Yuuri close to his body with a smirk. 

Instead of blushing, a very drunk Yuuri instead started moving along with Victor's body. They swayed with the up beat music for a little before Yuuri playfully pushed him back, smirking at him confidently.

He quickly took a shot from the tray a woman passing next to him was holding. He downed it and placed it back before he started walking away.

When he noticed he wasn't moving forward despite walking he noticed Victor had held his wrist. He gave him an annoyed look.

"Yuuri where are you going?" Victor shouted over the music.

Yuuri grinned while taking his glasses off. He handed it to Victor before he pulled the Russian skater's face to his to meet their foreheads, staring into his icy blue eyes. Victor closed his eyes as something was uttered in his ear. 

" _Don't ever take your eyes off me._ " 

And before Victor knew it, Yuuri was lost in the crowd. 

Victor felt someone tapping his shoulder. It was the woman with the tray gesturing to the drink Yuuri obviously didn't pay for. Victor blinked before shrugging and reaching to his wallet before he noticed the expression of the woman changing completely. She was looking at something past him, then covered her mouth with embarrassed laughter.

When Victor turned around, he was greeted by the sight of a pantless Yuuri Katsuki hanging off the pole between the bar counter and the ceiling. 

* * *

 

The club was almost empty now that the time was nearing 5:30 AM. 

Victor walked over to a drunk and swaying Yuuri easily now that only a few people were still there and most of them weren't even dancing. 

Victor had to say he really couldn't keep up with how much stamina Yuuri had. They had danced for a full hour before Victor eventually got tired and had to sit down. All the while Yuuri kept dancing, sometimes on tables, though people hadn't exactly stopped him. Victor had even heard some people cheering. 

Yuuri had his eyes closed, a vodka bottle in his hand. He was still pantless but his shirt was still there. 

"Yuuri." He said sweetly, putting his hand on his shoulder. Yuuri turned to him. "Vic-tor!" He shouted with glee and jumped in his arms. Victor hugged him back, laughing.

"Isn't it time we head back, katsudon?" Victor said, pushing Yuuri's hair back. He took the bottle from Yuuri's hand and placed it on a table next to him. 

Yuuri was making a concentrated expression before he opened his mouth. "I know this song! Phichit really likes the singer of this. It's from his new album. I like it too."

The melody was relaxed. Yuuri wrapped his arms around Victor's waist and met his hands at the back. 

" _Please_ , Victor, can we stay until this song is done? Please please please _please_?" Yuuri pleaded while making them sway. Victor sighed, how could he say no to that face? 

"Fine but after this we are going." He said and Yuuri grinned at him before he started mouthing the words. The song was still relaxed and low. 

Suddenly though, the music changed. The dark laughter and the electric guitar changed the mood of the song 180 degrees and Victor could swear he saw Yuuri's eyes darken just like the song. It was so weird seeing him like this. Yuuri with no inhibitions. The look alone said a million words to him but if Victor could pick only one, it would be _Eros_. 

Victor watched Yuuri sing.

**_Do what you want_ **

Yuuri gave him a devilish smile, running his hands down Victor's sides deliciously until he reached to his upper thighs then he bent down. 

**_I'm telling you_ **

Viktor swallowed at the sight. Yuuri was near his crotch now and he was looking up at him with the laziest most mischievous smirk he ever saw.

**_Let...me...in...to your heart_ **

As the words poured from Yuuri's mouth, he stood up slowly as he rubbed his body against Victor's. His face stroked over his stomach, then his chest. When his face was in the crook of Victor's neck, he placed his fingers on the underside of Victor's ass and gave him a cheeky thrust. Their bodies were flush against each other. 

**_Can't stand it, backhanded_ **

Yuuri's fingers ended up buried in the locks of silver hair. He ran his nose along Victor's exposed collarbone, his breath heavy. Victor felt so warm, he wasn't sure if he should stop this. If there was a part of him that wanted to stop Yuuri, it was washed away with vodka long ago.

**_They wanna see us falling apart_ **

Victor felt Yuuri push him back a little. He walked back with him until he fell on a couch that was on the side of the room. Yuuri placed a hand behind his head while pushing his hips to the side as if posing for Victor. 

**_You know that I love you_ **

Next thing he knew Yuuri had climbed on top of him, settling his bare legs on either side of his thighs. The Japanese skater was standing up on his knees over him and Victor could only look up at him impatiently. He couldn't act. This was obviously Yuuri's show and Yuuri was absolutely making him dizzy.

**_So let me into you_ **

The Japanese skater sat on Victor's lap before, making them both make a sound at the impact. He pushed both of his hands under Victor's shirt. Leaning in, Yuuri whispered the next words in his ear.

**_Let...me...in...to your heart_ **

Victor clenched his eyes, trying to remember how to breathe, trying to keep himself from falling apart. He was also drunk though not as much but that didn't mean he had total self control. 

**_Do you really love me?_ **

Yuuri felt Victor shiver under him as he bit the shell of his ear. A hand sneaked behind his half open shirt by a dazed Victor. The Russian skater felt a Yuuri's nose running down his jaw. He bucked his hips a little when the Japanese skater squeezed Victor's between his legs. The growl in his ear was primal.

Victor settled his hands on Yuuri's legs finally, hooking them behind the knees of his bent legs. His face felt so warm. He could barely find he will to move in himself but his hips still went up to meet Yuuri's.

**_I'ma get you, girl, ahhhh!_ **

Yuuri met their foreheads, staring into the older man's eyes. Yuuri's body was hot to touch. Victor ended up with a hand on Yuuri's cheek, their faces so _so_ close. Victor didn't know how much longer he could hold it all in. He felt Yuuri's shaky breath on his face before Yuuri's teeth dug into his lower lip with brief but _oh so sweet_ pain that went right through his body. The sensation made him buck into Yuuri's hips again. At that action he was rewarded with Yuuri letting out an utterly delectable moan and making an expression that Victor could touch himself to for _hours_.

Victor was so tired but also _aching_ so goddamn _much_. He let out a shaky breath and let his head fall back when Yuuri pushed himself back. Victor's eyebrows had gone up, giving his face an expression of total defeat. Yuuri had seduced him. If that was what he had been trying to do, he had succeeded.

Yuuri seemed to smile at himself innocently before Victor felt him lean in again.

He closed his eyes, waiting for what Yuuri was going to say next, trembling inside with anticipation.

"Quick question...Have you seen my pants anywhere?"

* * *

"You know your hair?" Yuuri asked, his mouth open with the wonderment of a child. He was fixated on the silver locks on the Russian skater's head.

"I know of it." Victor said, turning his vision from out the taxi window to the Japanese skater who had sprawled on the opposite side of the backseat. The sun was coming up slowly outside. 

"It's all...gray." Yuuri added, as if Victor didn't know. He was groggy and still drunk. His glasses were tilted again, Victor had given up on trying to fix them. 

Victor smiled at him. It was a genuine sort of smile, one that he knew no one would see or remember seeing. 

"Get some sleep  _kotyonok_." Victor said, looking out the window again. He felt the warm weight of Yuuri on himself shortly after. Yuuri's head settled on his shoulder, looking out the window along with him.

Victor cherished silent morning for a few seconds. The streets were completely empty. Victor's opinion was that anywhere in Russia looked the most beautiful during sunrise.

"I wish you'd be my coach forever, Victor." The mass leaning on him spoke eventually, then moved a little so Victor's shoulder wasn't poking his cheek anymore. "I promise...I'll win gold. With you by my side...nothing can stop me." Yuuri mumbled quietly, his eyes closing on their own somewhere between his words.

"...If I can stay awake until we get off the car...you'll be my coach this season, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't get me wrong, Victor loves Yuri P but that doesn't mean he can't acknowledge that he is a little tiny itsy bitsy bit rude sometimes......


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit 3 (most important): I moved the start of chapter 8 to the end of chapter 7 for flow
> 
> Edit 2 (yet more important): This chapter has been edited! Mistakes were cleared up and some new stuff was added in. If you don't want to read the whole thing again, which I understand, I suggest you start from the second long line from the bottom (the one about Dominika). I've mostly changed the two bottom parts, though there are some changes before that too so you may want to check it out.
> 
> Edit: Wow, I'm a little sad guys. This got less than a 100 hits when in the last chapter by this time I had about 500. I don't know what I did wrong. If you know what I did wrong or what made you not want come back to this fic please let me know.
> 
> warning:  
> Yuri is Yuri P  
> Yuuri is Yuri K
> 
> When the characters speak Yuri will be called Yurio, since it's a nickname they gave him, but since that's not his actual name, I don't like saying Yurio when writing about him outside the speaking quotation marks.
> 
> I'd also like to take this time to reveal that English is my second language so...yeah please tell me my mistakes if any.
> 
> I really tried to do Victor's character justice. We don't know much about him and I sort of had to assume some stuff. I read a ton of meta posts about Victor and some of what I said can be supported if you just go back to the episode it happened or had a flashback to it.
> 
> kotyonok: kitten  
> lapochka: sweetie pie

Yuuri groaned at the splitting headache that jolted him awake. 

He opened his eyes, trying to reach over at the nightstand for his glasses. After a few seconds of waving his hand in the air next to him he noticed that there was no actual nightstand next to him. He pouted. Hang on...where was he? This wasn't his bed in Hasetsu. This wasn't the hotel he was staying at. 

What had happened last night? 

He sat on the bed slowly, rubbing his eyes. He noticed he was wearing a t-shirt that he had never seen in his life before. What startled him more was that he wasn't wearing any pants. When he managed to get up on his feet, he noticed the t-shirt was a little too long for him too. It obviously wasn't his. 

Looking around like a lost little puppy for a few seconds, Yuuri managed to spot his glasses on the table across the room.

That mystery was solved but Yuuri still had a lot of questions. Where were his clothes? Where was his phone? More importantly, where was he? 

He sat on the bed again, trying to recollect his memories from last night. 

He remembered going out with Victor. They went to a bar. They had some drinks. 

No.

They had quite a lot of drinks. 

Oh no. 

Yuuri rubbed his face with his hands, emitting a groan. So this was Victor's house? He knew Victor didn't live in Sochi, so he figured it was just an Airbnb or something. But why would they get an Airbnb for staying such a short time? Maybe a relative's house then? Now that he thought about it, the roomed seemed nice and lived in. He silently prayed he was allowed to be here. 

He couldn't remember entering this house. As much as he could try, he couldn't really remember a whole lot of what had happened last night at all. After the drinks at least. He had slight memories of dancing with Victor but he couldn't piece them all together. 

God, he hoped he didn't do anything too embarrassing. He had been this drunk only a few times with Phichit in Detroit and Phichit would always laugh and refuse to tell him how he was like the previous night.

When he managed to calm down a little he noticed how nauseous he was feeling. He really needed to find a bathroom soon. And some pants. Definitely some pants.

Even with better vision he was unable to find his pants in the room. There was a dark red shirt hanging from the chair. He faintly remembered that this was Victor's shirt. He noticed a pair of pants on the floor next to the bed but they weren't his. 

God, had Victor undressed here? 

Wait, did they sleep together?

Yuuri couldn't follow that train of thought for longer as his headache wouldn't let him. 

When mustered up the courage to get out of the room, he opened the door slowly, hoping he wouldn't run into anyone.

Thankfully the first room he checked was empty and the second room was the bathroom.

Yuuri walked to the sink calmly, turning on the sink to wash his face so he could start thinking more clearly. He took off his glasses and splashed his face with cold water. It felt nice against his skin and managed to lower his headache a little. Right when he lowered the towel after wiping his face, he looked at the mirror and met the squinted eyes of a short Russian teenager running a hand in his hair. 

"Who the fuck are y-"

Yuuri turned around quickly, almost dropping the towel. Yuri Plisetsky stood before him, barefoot in pyjamas, rubbing one of his eyes with his palm. If Yuuri wasn't so startled he could have even said he looked a little cute. Yuri hair was disheveled and there was still some sleep in his eyes. Though he snapped out of his thoughts when he saw the expression on the Russian's face change drastically. Anger and distraught were read clearly on his face now. 

Not again.

" _Katsuki!?_  " The disbelief in his voice was almost like a slap to Yuuri's face. "Who the fuck let you in here? What are you even  _doing_  here? And why are you  _half-naked?_ "

Yuuri's head throbbed from the loud noises. He made a helpless gesture of trying to hide his pantslessness with the towel in his hand. He really wasn't in the mood to deal with this right now. 

"Well, I-"

"Oh, so you two already met!"  Victor entered the room with a bright smile, saving Yuuri from having to say anything. It seemed as though Victor wasn't sporting a hangover like his drinking partner, or if he was, he was hiding it very well.  

Yuri shouted at Victor in Russian, making Yuuri wince from the loudness. Yuuri didn't have to know Russian to understand he said something rather rude. 

"Now now Yuri. You know Yuuri doesn't speak Russian. He is our guest here. I won't answer you until you speak in English."

The growling sigh that came from Yuri could be heard from the next room. Clenching his teeth, he snarled. 

"What the fuck is  _he_  doing here!?"

Victor only smiled back at him sweetly. "Ah! We went out last night and Yuuri here had a little too much to drink." He pouted. "Was I meant to just leave him out on the street?" 

Yuuri tried to seem innocent and decided it was best not to intervene. However, he was thankful that Victor made it so that he understood what they were saying. They were talking about him after all. 

" _Yes?_ " Yuri replied, unbelieving. "Why couldn't he just go the fuck back to where he is staying?"  

"Well he was nearly passed out and-"

"Why were you even with him anyway?" Yuri kept talking like the Japanese skater wasn't right there. "He's a total loser. Did you even see his skating? He got a hundred points less than you, did you know that? Or do you just pick up everyone you see on the street now and go out drinking like pals?"

Yuuri felt a little like he was drowning. Yuri was right. His mark actually had been more than a hundred points less than the Russian skater. He knew his perforanmce had been bad. Victor definitely had implied his performance had been bad by saying it was riddled with anxiety. 

But then again Victor had see him skate post his failure too. 

And after that Victor had showed up _everyday_ to see him skate even more. Three days were three days.

Victor had texted with him and teased him. Victor had told him stories and took him out for drinks. Victor had brought him here when Yuuri wasn't in a state to find the hotel.

Victor was _nice_ to him. 

The only time Yuuri could feel remotely like he could move on from his Grand Prix disaster into the next season was when he was talking to Victor.  

Yuuri pinched the bridge of his nose. When he was this hungover, he really couldn't find enough strength inside him to deal with all of this. 

Victor tutted. "This really isn't how we treat our guests Yuri." He said, though obviously not that upset. Victor must be used to this by now, Yuuri thought in the back of his mind. He had seen them together in the Grand Prix. They practiced in the same rink too.

Victor dug his fingers in his fringe to push it back. "Well if you must know, I'm helping Yuuri skate better. He wants to place higher next season and we are practicing on a routine I made for hi-"

Yuri's mouth opened wide as if Victor just insulted him to his very core. "Do _not_ tell me that's why you made me and Yakov stay here for another two goddamn weeks!"

Victor suddenly found the ceiling very interesting, an innocent expression falling on his face. 

"You're helping Mr. _Last Place_ over here 'skate better' instead of thinking up a senior debut routine for me?" 

Victor hummed at that, putting his hand on his chin. "Oh yeah. I guess I _did_ say I would do that, didn't I?"

Yuri punched the wall next to him with the back of his fist. "Don't tell me you _forgot!_ " He snarled, his hair moving along with him.

"You know I'm very forgetful Yuri. Two days ago when I was leaving the ice rink to come here, I forgot to take off my skates. If Yuuri hadn't told me, I would have walked all the way here in them-"

"Ugh! Shut up about Katsuki already! We're talking about _me_ here!" 

"I should leave." Yuuri blurted out, now seeing both Russians' eyes on him. He stilled with the sudden attention, not even blinking. His eyes went from one of them to the other and back in quick succession. 

Victor pouted rather exaggeratedly to him. "You're _leaving_ Yuuri~? But I even made you coffee! You won't just leave without even trying it, will you?"

Yuri snorted while he looked away. "God, what is it with you when it's offseason? You become even more insufferable. Every year. You become such a...I don't know, you start saying stupid shit all the time! And that sing-songy voice. You're all sunshine and smiles. It's disgusting." Yuri crossed his arms. "This time you even brought a stray in. You're getting out of hand." 

Yuuri frowned at that comment. Now that he thought about it, he sort of understood what Yuri was talking about. 

Yuuri had watched every interview of Victor Nikiforov the internet had provided him with, multiple times, and Victor was never...well he'd always been quite serious during them. Of course the questions asked to him would also be serious. About his plans next year, about his routine and how hard he had worked to put it on show, where he found his inspiration... Even when Victor was asked to address his fans his facial expression would be more charming and calm than anything else. A flirtatious closed smile, a wink. Ever so often he would flash his trademark Victor Nikiforov smile that would make everyone swoon but that was about it. On the camera Victor was always Victor Nikiforov, five time gold medalist who causes nosebleeds worldwide just by moving his hips to the side. Victor Nikiforov who floated on the ice with the grace of a swan. Victor Nikiforov who wore sunglasses indoors and always knew what to say to the camera. 

In the public eye Victor was nothing more or nothing less than what one would expect when they looked at a poster of his.

He was always the unreachable but the oh so desired A-List celebrity of the skating world. 

Never the adorable, considerate, goofy scatterbrain Yuuri had come to know over the past few days. 

The Victor who texted him at four in the morning just to tease him by making Yuuri call him senpai. 

The Victor who jumped in his arms like an overjoyed kid because of how much he liked katsudon after having some that day. 

The Victor who had apparently _lied_ to Yuri and Yakov to stay in Sochi for longer just so he could spend more time with Yuuri and their stupid little skating fantasy. 

He especially remembered Victor's last interview. When he was asked about his plans for the next year. When everyone awaited him saying that he'll keep winning gold until he retried, he had bowed his head down in thought instead. He barely even seemed excited that he won the gold the _fifth_ time in a row. 

Victor gave Yuri a look Yuuri couldn't decipher before he smiled again sweetly. "Nonsense." He put an arm around Yuuri who tried not to fall from the sudden weight on him. "Now if you will excuse us, there is some hot coffee waiting for us in the kitchen." 

Yuri seemed to be incredibly annoyed at being brushed off like that. "Why is he even naked Victor? Don't tell me you did what I thought you did. I _will_ tell Yakov you brought someone into his house!" 

Victor went past the shouting Yuri with his arm still around Yuuri, not even looking at him. Yuuri looked down at the towel he was still holding. He couldn't really bring it to the kitchen but he was past almost out the door and he knew there was no stopping Victor. It wasn't like he could just drop it on the floor. He hurriedly handed it to Yuri who took it without thinking.

He couldn't see what Yuri did after that but it sounded as if he threw the towel on the floor at mach speed. 

* * *

"Victor..." Yuuri began quietly when he was seated. The chair was cold against his naked thighs. 

"Hm?" Victor uttered sweetly as he poured the warm dark liquid into the mug on the counter. 

"What happened last night?" 

Victor seemed to hide a smirk at that question. He went over to the fridge and took something out.

"I'll show you, but first you have to eat this."

Yuuri frowned at what Victor provided him with, forgetting that he just said 'show you' and not 'tell you'. It was a wedge of lemon with what seemed to be sugar or salt (it had mostly dissolved so he couldn't tell) and what smelled like coffee grounds on top.

Yuuri blinked dumbly at the food disaster he was handed while holding it in front of him.

Victor smiled at how adorable Yuuri looked with his lips pouted, trying to understand why on earth Victor had given him that. 

"It's called Nikolashka. Russian hangover cure. Make sure to eat it in one bite." Victor said finally, picking up the pot to pour another cup of coffee, this time for himself. 

Yuuri shrugged to himself. Russians drank a lot right? So their hangover cures must have been affective. Without thinking much more he threw it in his mouth. His face immediately went sour from the lemon and bitter coffee as he coughed, trying to chew it so he could swallow. 

When he finally managed to swallow it, he noticed Victor had sat across him and was pushing a cup of coffee towards him. 

"There you go. You'll be ready to drink again in no time."

Yuuri nearly gagged at the idea. He was still feeling sick and he hoped he would never have to drink in his life ever again. 

"Please don't say you're going to make me drink again." Yuuri whined. "I trust you with coaching me," 

Yuuri saw a small twitch go through Victor's lips. 

"But after you let me drink so much last night I don't trust you enough not to kill me from alcohol poisoning. I practically blacked out after that sixth shot. I can't even remember much about what happened when we were dancing let alone coming here afterwards." 

"Ah!" Victor clapped his hands together as if he remembered something. "Speaking of, I figured you wouldn't remember a lot so I took the liberty of taking few pictures!"

Yuuri stilled a little. He had definitely embarrassed himself hadn't he? Well at least not enough for Victor to leave him out on the street. If how Victor was treating him was any implication, he didn't get too out of hand. Or maybe he embarrassed himself so much that Victor was treating him well our of pity? He didn't even know how he was like when he was drunk since Phichit kept that information like a secret for some reason.

"I'll go get my phone."

When Victor left, Yuuri stared down at his coffee. He didn't even like coffee, he decided he ought to tell this to Victor before it was too late. The sourness from the lemon he was forced to eat was still in his mouth though, so he took a sip to cleanse his pallet.

"I'm taking some of this because you don't deserve it." 

Yuuri looked up to find Yuri pouring himself some coffee, now changed out of his pyjamas. Why he had the hood of his hoodie on indoor was beyond him. 

"Aren't you a little too young to drink coffee?"

The death stare Yuuri received after that question made him shut up. 

After a few seconds of silence it was Yuri who spoke while dropping quite a lot of sugar cubes in his cup. 

"I don't know why Victor is wasting his time with you. I guess he officially went insane this time. Out drinking with random people he found on the street. Out drinking with _anyone_ for that matter."

Yuuri made a confused expression at that comment. He remembered Lidiya had said something similar about Victor always coming in to drink alone. But...this was Victor Nikiforov. He couldn't be lacking anyone to drink with. 

"Doesn't he ever go out with his friends?" Yuuri asked, trying to veil the interest in his tone. 

" _What_ friends?" Yuri answered with lowered eyebrows before he started to leave the kitchen with his mug of coffee. 

"Wait!"

Yuri stopped and sighed, looking back at Yuuri with an expression that showed Yuri how fed up he was of him. It was obvious how much he wanted to end this conversation and leave. 

"Then...what does he do in his free time?" Yuuri asked quietly.

Yuri huffed. "I don't fucking know! I'm not his babysitter, am I? He skates." And with that Yuri was gone.

That answer really puzzled Yuuri. He'd seen Victor with other people before during competition. He'd seen him winking or waving at passing skaters in the Grand Prix when he _definitely_ wasn't staring while he was meant to be stretching.

Victor was popular. Was it that he just...chose to be alone? That was odd. Victor seemed like one of the friendliest people Yuuri knew. 

"Sorry that took so long! I had to charge my phone a little. Turns out I forgot to plug it in last night." He heard Victor say as he entered the kitchen. Yuuri was disappointed with the lack of pants Victor had brought him from inside but then again, he was wearing Victor Nikiforov's t-shirt. If Victor had brought him his clothes, he would have to take that off. And he was pretty okay with keeping it on for just a little longer.

"I saw Yuri took some of our coffee. Good thing I made so much." 

Victor's infectious smile found it's way on Yuuri's face before he remembered why Victor left in the first place. 

His heart started beating faster as the Russian skater unlocked his phone and started looking through his photos. He wasn't sure if this was anxiety or excitement. Maybe a bit of both. 

"Sorry, some of these are blurry. You were too eager for the camera on my phone to capture." 

Yuuri parted his lips, taking a sip of his coffee to ready himself and before he could swallow Victor was showing him a picture. Of himself. Not wearing any pants. On a bar counter. Hanging from a fucking _pole_. 

Yuuri choked on his coffee. Again. He made a mental note of a new theory that whenever Victor was going to surprise him like that he gave him coffee. He really was trying to like coffee but Victor wasn't making it any easy for him. 

"That's..." Yuuri managed out when he stopped coughing. 

"It's drunk Yuuri!" Victor was smiling at the photos like they were baby pictures as he kept swiping. There were more photos of Yuuri twirling around the pole. God, where was his pants? Where were his shoes? _Why was he pole dancing in a strange Russian nightclub?_

Yuuri had gone completely pink by the time Victor stopped swiping. 

Noticing that Victor stopped, Yuuri let out a breath he had been holding. "Please tell me this is all." He begged, not sure if he was ready for a second heart attack so soon. 

Victor chuckled as he swiped again. "This one is my favorite." 

The phone screen revealed a selfie of Yuuri and Victor that Victor took. Yuuri had his arm around Victor's neck and looked quite disheveled but relaxed. He was grinning so wide that his eyes were closed up. Victor on the other hand was winking with a half closed smile to the camera. They were both doing a peace sign. It looked like they were having a lot of fun.

Yuuri's heart was about to just give up and stop beating. 

"I like this next one too." 

Victor's swiping revealed another photo. This one was taken by someone else. It was of them dancing together. Yuuri had an arm around Victor's waist and had bent him down while Victor stuck his leg up. Yuuri's other hand was resting on Victor's leg. The expression on Victor's face almost made him smile. 

"Oh and there is this." Victor said swiping. It was a video. Before Yuuri could brace himself Victor had pressed play. 

The video was of Yuuri dancing on a table. On the background 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira was playing.

Wow. Even Yuuri had no idea he could shake his hips like that. He went a little pink when he noticed someone had stuck some money on the waistband of his underwear. He could hear some people cheering him on.

He watched himself run his hand down his sides and up on his backside. Oh god.  

"Now do you see?" Victor asked, turning his vision on Yuuri. 

Yuuri pressed his lips together. His dancing was definitely much more sexual when he was drunk. But he couldn't do that when sober, could he? It wasn't like he could get drunk before every competition either. He didn't understand why how he danced when he was drunk mattered. Did Victor think he could somehow bring out this side of him when he was skating? A side Yuuri didn't know existed until this moment. 

"You think I can do that on the ice?"

Victor smiled, locking his phone and putting on the table. He then pressed the home button to see the time. It was fifteen past one. Yuuri still had time to go to the hotel and change before he had to work. He briefly noticed that the lock screen picture on Victor's phone was the picture he said was his favorite. 

"It's here." Victor said, pressing a finger on Yuuri's chest. "Your Eros is buried deep in here somewhere. And it's up to you to take it out of there, whether you think of katsudon while doing it or something else."

Yuuri couldn't even process that he could be like that, let alone whip it out on command. Speaking of which, how did Victor know he would be like this when he was drunk anyway?

"Victor....How did you know I would be like this when I'm drunk?" Yuuri asked softly, meeting the Russian skater's eyes.

Victor smirked.

"A little bird told me." 

* * *

Yuuri was quite overjoyed when Victor finally gave him his pants. Then he stilled, remembering about what Yuri had said before. They were in the room Yuuri slept in. 

"Victor..." He began as he started to put his pants on.

"Hm?" Victor was busy with folding his clothes from last night.

"What...happened after we...came here?" Yuuri asked carefully. He wasn't sure if he was ready for the answer.

"Oh, nothing really. You kept trying to play with my fringe while I put that t-shirt on you. I figured you wouldn't want to sleep in your shirt and pants. Then you passed out on the bed."

Yuuri let out a breath of relief like no other.

He was silent for a few moments before he spoke again, now wearing his pants. 

"Victor..."

"Yes Yuuri~" Victor didn't even seem to be annoyed by Yuuri calling his attention so much, which Yuuri was glad for.

"Isn't Yakov angry that you kept Yurio here as well? This is going to be his first senior year, right?" He used the nickname without thinking.  

Victor shrugged, laughing a little as he remembered the little name Yuuri had given Yuri. "Yurio easily placed at the top of his division without doing a lot of practice, so he is just lazing about for now. He'll come to his senses soon."

"He's almost the age you were when you started dominating the skating world, right?" Yuuri asked, starting to put on his shirt. It was wrinkly and smelled like alcohol but he would rather this than be cold. 

Victor's face sported a nostalgic smile. "Yeah, I was sixteen when I started placing really high. I haven't come down ever since."

Yuuri sat on the bed, reaching for his phone which he had plugged in a few minutes ago to check the time.

"You know, sometimes I think I'll never leave St. Petersburg." Victor began, his tone was more serious than usual and it got Yuuri's attention rather quickly. Yuuri pulled his legs up to himself on the bed with a small frown.

"Well I don't mean just going to another city or country for competition. I mean living somewhere else, you know. Calling somewhere else home. I guess I never really thought about living somewhere else seriously before."

Yuuri shrugged, looking out the window. He hadn't been home in ages and briefly remembered how homesick he felt just a few days ago. 

"When was the last time you were home?" Victor asked as he finished folding. He lied down next to Yuuri, who was still sitting on the bed with his back to the headboard, his legs cradled in his arms. 

"It's been...five years, yeah." Yuuri replied, looking down at the pattern on the bed cover under him. "I've been living in Detroit to train."

"With Phichit, right?" 

Yuuri made a confused expression. "You know Phichit? How do you know Phichit? Why do I not know that you know Phichit?"

Viktor laughed, putting his hands under his head. "I talked to him for a while in the banquet after the Grand Prix. It was getting pretty late and a lot of people had left but I still had to be there. He was hanging around too, so we started talking."  

"Oh. Sounds like him. He probably just wanted to get some Instagram pictures with whoever was still there. Or wanted to catch someone drunk."  Yuuri frowned. How come Phichit never mentioned talking to Victor Nikiforov to him? He guessed it was because there was no time. The time zones were weird and he knew Phichit would be busy with his grandmother. Truth was he hadn't mentioned that Victor Nikiforov had talk to him to Phichit either. Or that he had made him come in his pants like a teenager, _in public_. Not that he ever was thinking about doing that anyway. He really needed to call him and ask if everything was alright soon. 

"Do you have a lot of friends in Detroit?" Victor asked, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. 

Yuuri placed his chin on his knees with a frown as he looked forward. "There was a girl in Detroit who was really pushy and kept talking to me even though I showed no interest in doing so. One time...a rink mate got into an accident. I was really worried about him. When we were waiting in the hospital with her, she hugged me to comfort me. I just shoved here away without even thinking."

"Wow, why?" Victor asked, laughing just slightly. The Russian skater wasn't looking at him but Yuuri could tell he was listening.

"I didn't want her to think I was affected that much."

Yuuri pressed his lips together for a moment. "It felt like she was trespassing or something. Like trying to poke her nose into my feelings. It just made me very angry. She was intruding...and I really hated that." 

"Do you think I'm intruding on your feelings, Yuuri?" Yuuri heard the Russian skater say carefully. 

He breathed out, actually thinking about the question.

"No." He eventually said, calmly. "You know I placed last but you are still trying to find something inside me that will keep me going." It was really hard to put this into words, so Yuuri though for another second before he kept going. "You...believe. In me. I think. More than I believe myself." He shrugged a little to himself. 

They were silent for a few moments. A car passing in the distance could be heard.

Yuuri felt Victor shift a little on the bed, making it dip. 

"What do you want me to be to you Yuuri? A father figure?"

"No." Yuuri breathed out.

"A brother? Maybe a friend?"

Yuuri made a non-committal sound and buried his head deeper between his legs.

"Well. Then your boyfriend, I guess." Victor said casually. 

Yuuri widened his eyes, nearly jumping off the bed. 

"I can try my best." Victor said dramatically.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Yuuri started, looked over at him with his hands up. Victor met his eyes.

"I just..." Yuuri breathed out and shook his head, his cheeks a light shade of pink. 

"I want you to be Victor."  

Yuuri's tone was serious as he looked into the Russian's eyes. He didn't want Victor to pretend to be something else. Like the Victor on the television. Like the Victor on ice. He just wanted him to be himself. It seemed like that was Victor avoided being the most in his life for a reason unknown to Yuuri. 

Victor looked up at the Japanese skater with a small frown, listening intently. It seemed like he wasn't expecting that reply and was trying to hide his astonishment.  

"Just...be yourself." Yuuri added. "That's what I want you to be to me."

Victor smiled a weird smile as if he had just decided something and then met Yuuri's eyes as he pushed himself up to a sitting position. 

"If it's going to help you," 

He gave Yuuri a nod while extending his hand.

"Okay."

* * *

Veronika had a big smile on her face as she approached Yuuri who was trying to carry about 10 or so skates in his arms. She gave him a hard slap on the back which made Yuuri scramble to keep the skates between his arms. 

" _Lapochka,_ tomorrow we are opening a little late and all going out for dinner before work. Ask Dominika where she wants to eat tomorrow at 6 PM, will you? I don't go out much so I don't know where is good to eat. You don't need to worry about telling me and Alexei. She will tell us later." She took a swig out of her flask before starting to leave.

"Oh and give her your number, yes? She can send you to address."  

Yuuri frowned but gave her a nod as he kept carrying the skates to the desk. Dominika was counting money again.

Yuuri stood there, holding the skates, not wanting to interrupt her but wanting to ask before he would forget.

When Dominika noticed Yuuri was standing right there in front of her, she yelped.

"Oh! Sorry." She said, obviously embarrassed by the sound she made. "I must have been too concentrated on the money. Is everything okay?" 

Yuuri could feel that Dominika was holding her distance ever since what happened yesterday. It made him a little angry. Yuuri wasn't something that would break when touched. He felt like she was treating him like a patient. He didn't really feel like talking about that right now, though.  

"Oh, I was just here to ask where you wanted to have dinner tomorrow. Oh and..." Yuuri noticed he couldn't reach his phone since his hands were so full. "Uh...can you reach into my pocket and take out my phone? I need your number."

Dominika's face had gone completely red, her eyes wide. "Dinner...?"

"Yeah, just take out my phone and put your number in so you can text me the address." 

"A-are you sure?" She almost squealed. 

Yuuri nodded, not thinking much of how Dominika was reacting. "I can't really reach it with all these skates." 

He tried to move his hips to Dominika as he watched her meekly pull out his phone. 

"The passcode is 1-5-9-0."

Dominika unlocked his phone. It wasn't like he had anything to hide in it, so Yuuri didn't really care if Dominika knew her passcode. God these skates were so heavy. He wished Dominika would be a bit faster.

"Just send a Whatsapp to yourself to get my number. You'll text me where you want to eat later. I need to put these skates down."

The smile Dominika gave her was a little bit too wide and excited for dinner with the four of them, Yuuri thought when he got his phone back, but he decided to ignore it. Wouldn't be the first time he couldn't really understand Dominika anyway. 

* * *

Victor showed up to practice with all sorts of baked goods again and Yuuri was so glad he wasn't feeling sick anymore. When he saw the bag in Victor's arm he noticed that he hadn't eaten anything that day because of his hangover and by the look on Victor's face when Yuuri started stuffing his own, Victor knew that too. Right when he reached into the bag for his fourth, Victor took the bag from him.

"You don't want to be a little piggy before the next season starts, do you?"

Yuuri frowned but Victor was right. 

"Time to show me your Eros again, Yuuri."

Yuuri wanted to try something different tonight, he thought as he tied his skates. He had seen how he moved while he was drunk. When Victor made him watch that stupid video again he started thinking. He was starting to imagine a story in his mind.

Yuuri posed and the music started.

He imagined a man entering the club. He was the playboy, the Casanova. He would dance with all the pretty women in the club. He would get kisses and phone numbers written on his arms but then he'd decide to dance with the woman who everyone watched all night. The woman who danced so beautifully that when people saw her, they forgot to dance and just watched her with awe. But she wouldn't even be swayed at his attempts. After chasing her around for so long though, she would eventually play her cards wrong and fall for his charm. She would end up dancing in his arms while everyone gave him jealous glares. Right when the woman thought he would be taking her out of the club and back to his place, the Casanova would be bored and push her away, looking to dance in another club. 

As he kept doing his routine again and again Yuuri could tell this wasn't working as well as he expected...or rather hoped. He wanted to do well today, more than any other day. After Victor had shown him his potential, he was probably expecting some sort of revelation. For Yuuri to suddenly start dancing like a sex god on the ice, so hot he would melt the ice he skated on. But it just wasn't happening. He dimly noticed he only had one more day of practice before his "show".

Once again.

Running after the woman, waiting until she made the wrong decision, her falling for him. He ran it through his mind as he twisted and turned on the ice. He tried to embody the Casanova as he moved his arms. He attempted to envision how the playboy felt.

Yuuri was starting to feel a little hopeless. 

"Again." Victor said seriously while looking at his panting student. 

"You know you can better than this. You're thinking too hard while you skate."

"But you said I need to think about the feeling of Eros!" Yuuri asked, raising his arms in the air in disbelief.

"Yes, but not that hard. Again."

And Yuuri closed his eyes with a whine, trying to imagine being a Casanova again, for the fifth time, with all his might, despite never even having a girlfriend before.

He was starting to think this program was choreographed with Victor in mind. The hottest bachelor on earth. Not someone like _him_. 

This was starting to feel really impossible. Yuuri huffed in annoyance and rubbed his face before looking over at his coach.

"Victor...Don't you think I can do so much better with a music I actually know how to skate t-"

Victor's icy glare shot right through him. 

"Okay, okay, _again_." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes that indeed was a Scott Pilgrim reference and the Shakira was a reference to one of the Yuri on Ice videos of Twinfools! 
> 
> If you want to watch it, it's here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJv-LdR4HVM
> 
> It's pretty funny so I recommend watching it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember there was a time where I thought to myself "isn't it stupid to write fanfiction for anime?"
> 
> Oh boy was I wrong. 
> 
> It's really late so please forgive any mistakes, I will try to read it over tomorrow and correct them. I don't know how frequently I will be updating the next week since my finals are almost here. I love you all, don't forget me if I die from either my finals or the season final. 
> 
> Since the next chapter is going to be a hard one, I'm not sure if I will write it tomorrow. I really hope I don't give up midway lol. I already wrote 9 chapters of this and it's going to be about 17, so I already passed the halfway mark. Woooo.  
> *flashback to me finding myself googling 'russian cat names'*  
> -
> 
> Gyūdon, oyakadon, tekkadon, tendon, unadon: they are all rice bowls like katsudon but with different stuff in them instead of the pork cutlet.

The first thing that came to Yuuri's mind when he woke up in the afternoon was that he had to do his performance tomorrow. Arms splayed on each side, he lied on his bed with his gaze fixed on the ceiling. How was he suppose to find his Eros in only one day?

_"It's inside you, you just have to feel it."_

Yuuri sighed, turning on his side and pushing his hands under his head. It was so easy for Victor to say something like that. Yuuri was nothing like Victor. Yuuri was nothing like the Casanova in his story either. He had failed to find his Eros up until now and the pressure he felt was steadily rising inside him. Yes, Victor had been meeting him everyday and yes, Yuuri could say they were _friends_ or something of the sort. But what did that mean to Victor?

He remembered Victor asking what he wanted Victor to be to him.

But what did Victor want Yuuri to be to _him_?  

Yuuri couldn't still completely cling on to the thought that Victor was there just to play pretend with him. Victor looked like he was having fun. Victor took practice seriously, telling him exactly what he did wrong, telling him to do his routine again and again. 

It actually felt like having a real coach, minus all the exercise he had to do close to or during the season. 

Was was _Eros_ to him?

At first Yuuri thought that thinking about katsudon would be a really good idea. Eros meant a feeling that would make you forget about everything else and act irrationally. For him, that was definitely katsudon. He had thought about the egg yolk mingling with the rice. He had thought about the feeling of heat coming off the katsudon touching his face and fogging up his glasses. He remembered how happy he would be as a child when he would smell his mother's cooking and just know they would be having katsudon that night. 

They were nice memories. It was fitting too, since _katsu_ meant to win. If Yuuri could "win" while thinking about katsudon...maybe it would be a bit too perfect. That kind of perfect only happened in movies and anime.  

It _had_ been a leap, but not a big enough one. Yuuri wished he only had some more time but he couldn't just ask Victor to stay longer just because he had messed up and failed to find his Eros. And right when Victor had been so confident in him, even proving to him that it indeed was somewhere in him. 

The Casanova story, however, was even a small leap, if a leap at all. Yuuri often couldn't decide if he should think about katsudon or the Casanova and messed up message he was trying to give with the routine. 

It was funny how Victor Nikiforov this whole thing was. He had given him a routine that nobody would expect from Yuuri. Sexual love. Victor had even made him _feel_ sexual love but it was just...he couldn't think about _that_ while skating, could he? When he tried to remember it, he couldn't recall thinking about anything particularly important either so it wasn't like he couldn't just replay his thoughts from that moment.

He had felt things, true, but he had to admit to himself, that feeling was called being seduced. Not even being seduced, (okay maybe a little) but it was more him letting Victor do something very private to him because he wanted to _win_ and who could he trust to make him win more than Victor Nikiforov himself? How quickly he had been manipulated into release was something he still hadn't thought about in great detail and wasn't planning on soon. 

Yuuri who had never even tried to pick up someone before, not even on a dare, was trying to be a playboy. He wondered how much Phichit would have laughed at his attempts at being sexy. Or the Nishigōris. Especially Takeshi. Yuko-chan would at least be supportive. Takeshi would just laugh and tease him. 

His thoughts were interrupted by chime coming from his nightstand. Yuuri reached over at his phone. He'd gotten a text.

_**Meet me at this address at 6 PM. I think you're going to like where we're going :)** _

_**Dominika~ 4:03 PM** _

_**Attached: Location. Tap to open Maps.** _

Yuri tapped on his phone and the Maps application launched. The walk was about fifteen minutes. The pin wasn't on a restaurant though, it was on the corner of a street. Maybe she wanted to meet all of them there and surprise them with the place? 

_**Sounds good. See you there** _

_**Sent~ 4:05 PM** _

He sighed, putting his phone on the nightstand again. He had about two hours so he needed to get up and shower soon and maybe stretch a little afterwards like he usually did. He could feel that his limbs weren't as limber as he preferred recently since he couldn't warm up properly and do his exercises everyday. He returned back so late everyday and woke up in the afternoon, then got back to work. There wasn't any time to go out for a proper run either. He could only get a little running in on his way to the rink everyday. 

Yuuri got up slowly, stretching his arms as he pushed his feet into the hotel slippers.

While he walked to the bathroom, he picked up some clothing. He really needed to wash some of these. He had already worn some of them twice. He wrinkled his nose when he picked up his shirt from the couch next to his bed, noticing that it still smelled like alcohol and well...like a club. When he reached for the t-shirt underneath though, he stilled. 

That was odd. Yuuri didn't remember owning a t-shirt like this. 

He picked up and brought it to his face to look at it better and was suddenly struck with a scent that instantly reminded him of every time Victor was a little too close to him.

It was Victor's t-shirt. The one he had given him to sleep in. Yuuri must have forgotten to take it off and worn his shirt over it. Why hadn't Victor told him to take it off? He had been in the same room as him when Yuuri got dressed. 

Yuuri sat on his bed, all of his clothes now abandoned next to him, Victor's t-shirt cradled in his hands.

He stared down at it until the scent was etched in his mind.

* * *

When Yuuri lowered his phone he instantly spotted Dominika waiting for him. 

He waved at her with a small smile. He must have been the first one to arrive after her. He wondered how long would they have to wait. He hadn't had lunch and was quite hungry. 

"Hi! Looks like I arrived before the others." Yuuri said with a smile, putting his phone and hand in his pocket. 

"Hey, nice to see you!" Dominika's smile was interrupted after she processed what Yuuri said. "Wait, what do you mean others?" Dominika asked, lowering her eyebrows in confusion. 

"You know, Veronika and Alexei. Aren't they going to meet us here?" Yuuri asked, now trying to remember the conversation he had with Veronika. She had said they were all meeting, right?

"What?" Dominika asked, squinting. "No...well, not that I know of. Didn't you ask me out on a date? Like just the two of us?"

Yuuri widened his eyes and raised his hands. "A date!? No! V-Veronika told me we would all be eating out tonight and wanted me to ask you where to eat and get your phone number!"

Dominika's mouth opened a little before it closed. She sighed, looking away. "I can't believe she did it again."

"Did what?" Yuuri asked, now also curious. 

"She keeps doing this. She keeps saying when I'm mad at Alexei and we break up I fall in love with the next guy I see to try to forget him or something."

Yuuri pouted "You two break up that often?"

Dominika shrugged. "I guess...every month or so. Then my mom tricks a poor boy into asking me out on a date."

"Wait Veronika is your mom?"  Yuuri asked in disbelief. This wasn't normal for a relationship, was it? 

"Yeah, she never told you?" Dominika said casually before continuing. "Sadly this isn't the first time this happened. I really should have known."

Yuuri frowned and shrugged a little. "I'm sorry. I know this will sound rude but I wasn't planning on asking you out or anything."

Dominika smiled politely. "That's okay. He gets like _super_ jealous when I do go on those dates and put pictures on Instragram so it's still good for me. I guess that's why my mom sets these up. She sometimes even asks strangers to set their sons up with me, can you believe it?"

"Wait, let me get this straight. You break up _every_ _month_ and you still want to get back together?"  Yuuri wasn't an expert at relationships, far from it actually but even he knew this wasn't normal for a relationship.

Dominika sighed deeply. "I just can't help it. He's just so good looking and funny. He knows so much about me. We just...have a past you know? I can't just let it go. I keep going back to him again and again. Have you never had a girlfriend or something like that before?"

Yuuri bowed his head down a little and averted his eyes. "No...not really. I've....actually never had a girlfriend before."

"Oh." Dominika said, obviously not really expecting that reply. She pressed her lips together and blinked a few times before asking "What about a boyfriend?"

Yuuri's cheeks went bright pink as he looked down at the ground, then tried to look at her again. "No, no, nothing like that either." He cleared his throat. 

Dominika seemed concerned for a moment before she broke out a smile. "That's okay. But tonight can you just...pretend to be my boyfriend? It's nothing too serious or anything, just so we can take some pictures and make Alexei jealous. And in exchange I'll pay for your food. How does that sound?" 

Yuuri looked at her with a thoughtful face. If he did this, then he would sort of know what having a girlfriend feels like. Could this perhaps help him find his Eros? It couldn't hurt to try, right?

Yuuri met her eyes and nodded once. "Deal."

* * *

 

Yuuri looked at the Japanese characters placed on top of the restaurant entrance.

Dominika had brought him to have Japanese food? That was odd. Yuuri knew he had been homesick and was definitely missing his mother's cooking lately, but why would she think Yuuri wanted to have Japanese food? Isn't it sort of weird to bring someone to a restaurant who made worse versions of what they had daily at home? He had thought she would pick a Russian restaurant so Yuuri could taste the local dishes. Maybe it was that Dominika just really liked this place.

"What does it say?" Dominika asked curiously when Yuuri didn't speak after reading it.

"Oh. It says Japan House." Yuuri replied, looking inside from the glass briefly before looking at her.

Dominika pursed her lips and pulled out her phone, confused. "Wait, that's not right. The place we are looking for is called Nippon House not Japan House."

Yuuri couldn't help but laugh slightly at that. "Nippon means Japan in Japanese." 

Dominika closed her eyes and placed one of her hands on top of them. "Oh my god... You must think I'm an idiot now, huh?"

Yuuri shrugged. "Not really. I'm sure I would have made the same mistake if I didn't know Japanese."

Dominika put her phone back in her pocket and looked over at Yuuri with a glad smile, like she had waited for Yuuri to call her an idiot and but that moment never came. "You know...you're a really nice person. Like you're very kind."

She opened the door and waited until Yuuri got inside as well to continue. "Whoever is going to be your first girlfriend..." Dominika looked over at Yuuri, who was looking around. "Or boyfriend," she added, getting Yuuri's attention. "is a really lucky person."

"Oh." Yuuri dug his mouth into his jacket, looking at the air in front of him. "That's very kind of you to say."

When they were seated, Yuuri looked down at the menu that was already in front of him. 

"I hope the food here is good. This is my first time here too."

"It is?" Yuuri asked, confused. "Then why did you bring me here?" 

"Oh." Dominika said, lowering her menu. "Well, I remember that Phichit told me you guys haven't been home in like five years or something. I figured you would miss the food you had at home. I know it won't be as good here of course but..." She shrugged. "I don't know, I felt like you would appreciate it. Just a hunch."

Yuuri looked down at the menu again. There was a lot of sushi on the menu. He liked sushi but it wasn't exactly what he was looking for. Udon noodles, tempura shrimp, yakitori. Yuuri turned around the menu, looking for rice dishes. 

When he spotted the rice dishes part he started reading down the list. Gyūdon, oyakadon, tekkadon, tendon, unadon (wow they had eel here?) and lastly, there it was. Katsudon. 

Yuuri suddenly found himself stupidly gleeful that he was about to have some katsudon again after not having one for so long. He could practically taste it.

"So, I was thinking we could get some sushi or something..."

Yuuri placed a hand on the menu Dominika was holding and pushed it down on the table. "Do you trust me?"

Dominika looked at him confused, not really knowing what to say. She seemed to not have expected Yuuri to be so forward and serious all of a sudden.

"Uh...I-..yeah?"

"Then let me pick your food."

Dominika looked at him for a second before she laughed and nodded. "Okay. Least I can do, right? You must know what's good here."

When the waiter arrived at their table Yuuri immediately spoke. "Two katsudon, please."

* * *

" _Oh my god_ , I can eat this everyday of my life." Dominika said, scraping the bottom of her bowl. 

"I told you to trust me right?" Yuuri said with a smile. The katsudon was better than he expected, though of course nothing near his mom's. 

"I wish you could send katsudon over email." She said with a pout. "I would die to try out your mother's. Ugh, you make Hasetsu sound so beautiful. I can't believe I'll never be able to go there."

Yuuri had learned a lot about Dominika during their dinner. She was studying in Sochi State University for Tourism and Recreation, she had a cat called _myshka,_ which apparently meant little mouse, (an irony that still made her laugh to this day), she had been either working in or been around Ice Palace as long as she could remember and most importantly, she loved figure skating, Victor Nikiforov to be exact.

Of all the topics, that one was the one they bonded over most. Yuuri was impressed to say that Dominika knew nearly as much as him about Victor.

"That's a lie. You can totally go there one day, but wouldn't you rather go to Tokyo or something? I mean there isn't much to do in Hasetsu." 

Dominika shook her head. "I mean Tokyo sounds nice and all but it seems too crowded and stuff, you know? Hasetsu is like this romantic sea-side town where you can take walks and then soak in the hot spring your family owns." 

"Well you're welcome to visit anytime." Yuuri said with a smile, and he wasn't saying it just to be polite. It was nice to see someone else as in love with Hasetsu as he was. He could only show her a few pictures but Dominika was obviously enamoured already.

Yuuri looked at his phone and noticed it was almost 7 PM now. "Are you done? We should get back to work soon."

Dominika nodded, reaching for her coat as she rose a little before making a high pitched sound. "Oh, we need to take pictures!"

"Oh, right!" Yuuri said, having forgotten about it. "Okay...uh...how do you want me to be?" He really had no idea what kind of photo Dominika wanted. 

"Okay, just, lean in and kiss my cheek." 

Yuuri blinked a few times, dumbfounded "Kiss...?"

"It's just a kiss on the cheek. It's like kissing your mother. You can do it." Dominika laughed before falling a little serious as if she remembered something. "I mean...you're okay with it right?"

Yuuri swallowed a little before he nodded "Yeah...yeah I can do that." 

When Yuuri leaned in and pressed his lips on Dominika's cheek, he had no way of realising the pair of eyes on him. The pair of eyes that belonged to a very famous figure skater who was just outside the restaurant.

"Ah, thank you!" She said with a smile before she leaned back. "Don't worry, I will put this on facebook and change the privacy setting so only he can see it. You probably don't want this photo to circulate the internet do you?" 

Yuuri smiled at her understanding. "Would be nice, yes."

"Now can we take another one so I can prove my friends I had dinner with a skater who made it to the Grand Prix Final? Ugh, I can imagine all the new Instagram followers now..."

Right after they took a few more photos, Yuuri felt a hand on his shoulder and looked behind him. 

He instantly met the icy eyes of his coach staring down at him. Yuuri could tell that he didn't look to happy but he wasn't sure why. 

"Yuuri. Funny to see you here. I thought you would be at work."

"Oh, uh-"

" _OH MY GOD IT'S VICTOR NIKIFOROV._ " Dominika shouted, nearly dropped her phone as she got up. "Yuuri you _know_ Victor Nikiforov? Oh my god, oh my god, how could you not tell me you know _Victor Nikiforov_."

"Well-"

"Yuuri didn't tell you we were friends?" Victor asked calmly. His voice sounded weird, like he was controlling it a little too much. "That's weird, because we are definitely friends, aren't we Yuuri?" 

Yuuri looked up at Victor who wasn't smiling at all. It was a little scary to see Victor so serious when he didn't know why.

"I mean-...We are...something like that...yeah...friends...yeah." He rambled out, not really knowing what to say. Was Victor his friend? Was he his coach? He knew Victor didn't have many friends (according to Yuri) so did he actually count? But then again friends didn't make each other come either. It was weird how Yuuri was stuck between saying they were just a coach and a student, that they were friends and they were more than friends. The reason why he hadn't mentioned him was to keep their plan a secret. Yuuri wasn't the best liar and he couldn't really think up what to say apart from the truth which could have caused their late night skating to be over. Something which Yuuri _would not_ allow. 

At the answer, he felt Victor's fingers dig into his shoulder.

"He didn't even mention having met you. You two are _friends_? I'm going to die." Dominika kept going on, causing a little bit of a scene in the restaurant. Some people had taken out their phone and were snapping pictures of Victor. "Hello, my name is Dominika by the way." She tried to hide her grin. 

"Hello Dominika. I'm-"

"Victor Nikiforov. Yes I know." She said, laughing awkwardly and playing with her hair. 

"It's weird that Yuuri never mentioned meeting me." Victor's smile down at Yuuri was very forced. 

Yuuri was starting to feel his vision go a little dark. "I...I need to go. To work." He said, getting up suddenly and reaching over at his coat. He quickly wore it and looked over at both of them. "Uh...see you later." He said to no one in particular before he was out of the restaurant.

"Yuuri..." Dominika called after her but right now Victor was more important. She could help Yuuri a little later. "Sorry, he gets like that sometimes." She smiled, holding her phone very tight in her hand. "Anyway, I'm Dominika. We were...out on a date." 

Victor lowered his eyebrows. "Oh. I didn't know Yuuri had a girlfriend."

"Ah well, he just became my boyfriend. Or something like that. I mean, it's not that important, is it? I don't want to waste your time with the stupid details. Please say you'll take a picture with me. I'm your biggest fan."

* * *

Victor was very silent during practice, Yuuri realised. They hadn't really talked about what happened earlier but Yuuri didn't really think there was anything to say about it. He was outside with one of his coworkers and had ran into him. That was pretty normal right? He couldn't understand why Victor was so serious all of a sudden. So cold. 

He realised it must have been because Victor also knew this was his last day of practice and he still hadn't found his Eros yet. 

This was disappointment. This was regretting staying in here for longer than he had to and spending his nights trying to teach him something Yuuri just couldn't learn. 

It was nearing 2:30 AM when Victor told him to stop right as he was spread eagling into his next jump.

"You still haven't found your Eros Yuuri." Victor reminded him. The words felt like white-hot iron pressing against his chest. 

He had to perform tomorrow. 

"Maybe thinking about katsudon was a bad idea." 

Yuuri pushed his hair back, panting slightly from his routine. "I'm really trying Victor."

"I know you've never had sex, Yuuri, but I know you can embody that feeling anyway. You are capable of seducing everyone in any room you enter. You must captivate the entire audience so much by your sex appeal that they won't even realise your routine was for only two minutes. You will stay in their mind after that too. You need to make all of them want you." 

Yuuri stopped in his tracks. "Se-..." He began but cut himself off.

 _Seduce_.

He had to seduce people. He had to...seduce. He needed to make them want him, not chase after them and try to force them to want him. 

He wasn't the Casanova.

He wasn't the Casanova at all.

He was the prettiest woman in the club that everyone wanted to dance with. 

He had to learn how to move feminine. Like the woman in his story. Alluring, tempting, beckoning, suggestive without having to do sharp movements. He realised that's why his leap was bigger with thinking he was katsudon than thinking about being the Casanova. Yes. It was all coming to him now. He had succeeded with that because he was pretending to be something delicious everyone wanted. Now he just had to be the personified version of that. He would be so much more comfortable doing that too! Oh god, okay, he had to act quick. How could he learn to be feminine until tomorrow?

Think, think, think.

He tried to remember all the lessons he took before and his mind quickly went to his ballet lessons back in Hasetsu. He remembered how Minako-Sensei would often give him the "female part" of the dance because he could do it better.

Minako-Sensei! She would teach him how to move in a feminine way. He had to act fast, there was much to learn and he had to make sure to catch her. He quickly skated out of the rink and sent her a text.

"Yuuri?" The confusion in Victor's voice was the only emotion he had heard from him tonight, which comforted him a little. 

"Just a sec." 

The text he sent had two ticks next to it but wasn't read. Yuuri looked at the international clocks part of his phone. It was 8:32 AM in Japan. If he knew Minako-Sensei just a little bit, she was in her studio right now, stretching before her first class of the day. But she wasn't replying to her text. Wait, she used her computer to play music right? Yuuri could call her on Skype from his laptop in the hotel. But If Yuuri waited till he went to the hotel, the class would start and then she wouldn't reply until it was time for lunch, which was too late. He could call her from his phone but his internet packet would immediately finish if she picked up. Ugh. He needed internet and fast. He couldn't just ask Victor's phone. Victor couldn't know this. Yuuri wanted it to be a surprise. 

Last hope. Yuuri put his phone in his ear. A groggy voice came from the other side.

Victor watched Yuuri waiting for someone to pick up. He crossed his arms. What was he even doing? His mind went back to Yuuri stopping after his little speech. Yuuri was about to repeat something he said but had stopped himself. 'Se...' Was he about to say 'sex'?

"Dominika, I need your help...Yeah, I know what time it is. No, please, this is very important. No, it really can't wait. I've been thinking about asking this for a while now.  _I need you_...uh...hang on."

Victor watched his student look at him carefully, then start walking away to the inside of the tent.

When Yuuri was sure Victor couldn't hear him anymore, he started talking again.

" _I need you to tell me the wi-fi password_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trip advisor reviews of Nippon House weren't very positive...but I liked the name of the restaurant and it is in Sochi soooooo...
> 
> Apparently the service is sketchy but it has good sushi!
> 
> Also please feel free to tell me how evil I am in the comments. You only fuel me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *GOOGLES "HOW TO WRITE SEXUAL STUFF"*
> 
> Ugh well oops, I kind of went out of my plan and now I don't really know what to put in the next week now and may have to re-plan almost all of it............. 
> 
> I hope I can manage with it making sense.
> 
> Also sorry for a short chapter that is basically a rollercoaster of emotions. Oops again.
> 
> Edit: the 12th episode....I have 0 words. None. Absolutely none. I'm so fucking done with everything. Wake me up when season 2 ends so I can binge watch it in one night. 
> 
> Going to beta tomorrow. I hope the time I release this doesn't fuck up with my hits again...

When Minako-Sensei hung up on Skype, Yuuri was definitely beat. Almost all of his muscles hurt and the sun was shining outside despite him not having slept yet. 

He was desperately in need of a shower but all he could do after he closed the curtains of his room was collapse on his bed and look up at the ceiling. He had some time to sleep before he had to go to work again but he wanted to quickly review all the things Minako-Sensei had taught him. She wasn't too happy about cancelling her morning class at first but after Yuuri explained that he was going to perform for Victor Nikiforov, she definitely understood the seriousness of the situation. 

He had to perform today, he realised dully. He wouldn't even have the chance to practice once more with his newfound knowledge.

He would have to do his program in a way that would completely seduce Victor. He could laugh just thinking about it. _Him_ seducing _Victor_. 

Victor's eyes on him, just him. Victor's entire attention only falling on Yuuri. Victor saying how proud he was of Yuuri. Victor whispering in his ear, telling him he had been so utterly seduced by his performance that he barely kept himself from entering the rink and jumping him.

Yuuri shivered at that thought and unthinkingly reached down to his pants with one hand, non-commitally stroking himself.  

Victor's eyes on him. How would they look when he was finished? Would Victor be able to tell that the difference in Yuuri's movements? He wasn't going to drastically change the routine or anything but the way he was going to move was going to be different, better. 

Yuuri imagined Victor's dark gaze on him. His lips curled into a smirk. 

Without even realising, he squeezed himself and let out a shaky breath, now noticing what he was doing. He was more than half hard at this point and couldn't seem to find the energy inside him to care that what brought him to this state was thinking about Victor watching him skate. He realised that he should stop thinking about Victor though, that much was obvious. 

His eyes on the steadily forming bulge on his sweatpants, Yuuri sighed. 

It couldn't hurt to keep going, right? It would help him sleep better at least. 

Without thinking much more, he pushed his waistband down, his hand settling on himself again, this time over his underwear. 

After a few seconds of running his fingers on him, he figured out why the sensation felt so familiar and reminded him of being on the ice. Once he did, it was so hard to forget the image of Victor's long and elegant finger pressing right under the head of his cock.

_Now now, be a good student Yuuri~_

He groaned a little when he remembered those words, his breath now coming in short. He had been a good student and let him keep going. And Victor had rewarded him. Yuuri played the scene in his head from the start slowly and repeated the actions, shivering when the small but impactful contact of his finger on his soft spot made him feel a low ache in his balls. 

He cupped them just like Victor had and squeezed them, clenching his eyes at the sensation. His other hand squeezed himself, rubbing his palm up and down over his clothed length. It felt good, scary good. He both wanted to release and keep teasing himself for eternity so badly. 

What if Victor had talked more to him? Victor's voice played in his mind before he could stop it.

_Such a good boy, Yuuri. You're doing so well. Look at how much you like this. You're so hard, aren't you? You're almost going to beg me to make you come._

Yuuri let out a shaky breath as he pushed the lower side of his palm between his eyes and impatiently stuck his hand under his underwear.

When he curled his fingers around his shaft and pulled up absolutely shuddered, looking down at the view with his tongue poking out just a little between his lips. 

He used his other hand to push down his underwear so it wouldn't get dirty from the bead of pre-come that gathered on his slit and was threatening to stain.

Victor looking at him like he wanted to eat him whole. Victor biting his ear and taking him in his hand firmly.

_You skated so well, Yuuri. I couldn't take my eyes off you. I wanted to run my hands all over your body. I wanted to touch you so badly._

He imitated Victor's hand, placing his own on his belly and started stroking himself with abandon. 

Why was he still thinking about Victor? He groaned, closing his eyes once again. He felt some more pre-come escape him when he remembered how hard Victor was pressed up to him. 

If he kept going like this, he wasn't going to last long, he thought at the back of his mind. He slowed his hand down and let out a shaky breath. Victor's voice was still in his mind. Yuuri couldn't help but let it overcome him.

His toes curled as he stopped and punched the mattress with his now fisted hand. 

Why couldn't he just think about what he usually thought?

God, he was so hard, aching for release. His body was trying its best to get him back to stroking himself but Yuuri tried to resist. 

His toes curled, his hips pushing up to find some friction again. Yuuri scrambled for purchase, eventually clinging onto the sheets under his so he wouldn't touch himself more.

A second later though, he found that with his right hand he hadn't clutched onto the sheets. It was a piece of clothing. Yuuri brought it to his face to see what it was and the scent that hit him along the way made him close his eyes with defeat. 

Before he knew it, he was grabbing his length again, his hand now wet and sticky with his pre-come, his other hand keeping Victor's t-shirt to his face.

Yuuri cursed at himself and took a deep breath before he let out a shaky one, doing one more sharp movement with his wrist. 

His release was messy but he the pleasure that shot through him nearly blurred his vision. He thrust his hips up once more as he stroked himself through his orgasm with Victor still etched in his mind. 

When his breath was back, he looked down to realise he had really made a mess. He was feeling a little guilty about what he had done but he was to tired deal with it now. 

Without thinking, he wiped himself up with the t-shirt in his hand and pulled his clothes up. 

He went to sleep almost instantly. 

* * *

Victor arrived right on time that night with a full looking bag in his hand.  

"I got some of my old costumes sent here." He explained as he opened it on the table. 

Yuuri opened his mouth wide. "I totally forgot about the costume..." He admitted before he dove into the bag. "Oh my god, you wore this in your first year at the senior Grand Prix Final. And this...it's from your first Grand Prix win." 

Yuuri was so overjoyed to actually touch and feel these costumes he had seen Victor preform in. All those routines he had watched over and over again, wondering at the beauty that Victor Nikiforov was. It was like touching a piece of history to him. He felt so lucky he was going to get to wear one of them...but they were so many choices. 

He was having a rough time until he pulled out the gray/black costume he remembered Victor wearing in his last Junior Grand Prix. Victor had his hair long those days and he looked so painfully beautiful under those lights. He had moved in a way that Yuuri had never seen him move before. He couldn't remember how many times he replayed that performance. He hoped Yuko-Chan, who was there with him when they watched it live on television for the first time hadn't seen that his eyes had brimmed with tears by the end of it. He had made up his mind before he knew it. 

"I'll pick this one." 

* * *

 

 

The costume fit him perfectly, he noticed as he stepped out of the bathroom. 

"It looks good." Victor confirmed with a half smile. 

Yuuri nodded to himself as he looked down at his outfit. Victor was still being so weird. It was as if he had lost his childlike joy that Yuuri adored so much. He had come to know this week that that was what made Victor Victor.

No matter what he did, he couldn't shake off the thought that for the past few days Victor had been different. He had been more serious, even at practice after the night they drank. He had been more serious, insistent, forcing Yuuri to do his routine over again over again until he found his Eros. Well, Yuuri hadn't found his Eros yet, but this was the closest he could get to it.

As he was stretching his arms, he thought how would he even know if he did well onjectively? There wasn't a panel of judges here, no audience, nothing that can tell him how good he did apart from Victor. 

And what would happen if Victor thought he didn't perform well. 

Victor wouldn't even have to wait to leave the city. He didn't even have to tell him.

Yuuri put his hands on either side of his head as he bowed it down. His vision went a little blurry at he thought.

If he did badly, Victor would leave. Maybe he would start helping Yuri instead. Yuri had so much more time on the Grand Prix than he did. He had effortlessly won in his division.

Yuuri didn't want that. He needed to do well. He needed to 'win'.

"Yuuri. You can start now." 

Yuuri gasped a little at the sudden sound and put his hands over his mouth so he wouldn't make more sounds. 

"I'm...going to become a super tasty katsudon. So please watch me carefully."

The expression on Victor's face was something that vaguely reminded Yuuri of surprise, but Victor remained serious.

Yuuri leaned in and placed his arms around Victor tightly, putting his chin on the Russian skater's shoulder. "I promise!" He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Of course." Victor said with composure, Yuuri felt something in him do a somersault. "I love katsudon."  

When Yuuri pulled back Victor gave him a closed smile. 

Yuuri needed to prove Victor that he wasn't wasting his time. He had to.

He skated to the centre of the rink and tilted his body to the right with his eyes closed, posing. He imagined an audience cheering for him while waiting for the music to start. This was it. All of his hard work. 

He was no ordinary katsudon tonight. He was a katsudon that was _spicy_ , a katsudon for the gods. 

When the music started, Yuuri rose his arms, leaning back. 

Who was he dancing for? He knew who. 

When he did his second pose he looked over at Victor and gave him a smirk. Victor was looking at him intently with his hand on his chin. He heard him whistle. It only gave him more confidence.  

He moved again with the music resuming, losing himself in the sharp melody coming from the violin. He skated back, turning and twisting.

He felt different on the ice tonight. He wasn't going to disappoint Victor. He wasn't just not going to disappoint him but also seduce him so completely and utterly. He would make Victor say the words he had fantasised him saying. 

His movements were perfect, he was nailing every turn and his step sequence had been incredibly clean. 

Everything Minako-Sensei taught her was running through his mind but he stopped the flow of information in his mind. He knew what he had to think about. The Casanova that was going to absolutely fall for him and reject everyone else just to run after him. 

He kept skating to the other side of the rink, focusing on his movements. He could tell he was so much more comfortable and confident now compared to the first time he tried out the routine. He knew exactly where to put his hands. He knew exactly what expression to show. What emotion to convey. Everything felt so achingly natural.

He was a seductress, a _femme fatale_. 

Victor's suit was hugging his body just right. He could feel the little piece of clothing that came out from his hip billowing around him and it only fueled him more. It was like he was wearing the most majestic and magnificent dress in the world and it was showing off everything he was worth. 

Yuuri kept going, clapping just at the right time before falling into his step sequence. He could feel Victor's eyes burning on him even though he had no idea if he was still there watching him or not.

What was he saying? Of course he was watching. _Nobody_ could escape stopping everything they were doing and just watching him when he danced like this.  

He raised his leg up and met his hands on his back as he started spinning. The flow of the routine felt perfect. He could feel it. He was nailing everything so far. He was known for his spins and step sequences so he moved through them extra confidently.

He had integrated his emotions into his movements and it was working. It had changed.

Yuuri cleared his mind. It was time for the jumps now.

He thought about Victor. He thought about the look on his face when he danced 'Stay Close To Me' to him. 

The spread eagle into the triple axel was impeccable. 

He was starting to feel a little tired despite his stamina. He had all the jumps in the second half and even thinking about them made him a little tired. Probably from his frankly fucked up sleeping schedule and the fact that he had practiced hours with Minako-Sensei over Skype but he knew he could pull through it. He would do it for Victor. He would do it to keep him here. All to himself.  

He gained momentum and jumped into his quadruple Salchow but stepped out of it and touched the ice. He had managed to stay on his feet though and that was what was most important.He knew he shouldn't panic.  He'd had enough rotations in so that wasn't a big point deduction. He wouldn't let it ruin the flow of his performance. He still had his charms. 

He kept going, his movements falling into just as how he had planned them to be again. He moved his arms around his head. 

He was better than any woman out there. The Casanova would pick him over anyone else. Would chase him anywhere he went just to get a smile from him. 

He took a deep breath as he jumped into a quadruple toe loop and followed it up by a triple toe loop, nailing it even though it was nearing the end of his performance. His stamina was really working in his favor.

But why was he better than any woman out there?

Because he knew Victor was watching _only_ him. Because he knew Victor's attention was _only_ on him. He was the only one who could satisfy him, who could get all of his attention, who he kept coming back for, who he called his _friend_.  

The line between the Casanova and Victor was growing thin in his mind every second, but it was allowing him to put his emotions in his routine that much better. 

He raised his leg for another spin, holding his leg, then meeting his hands in front of him. He then started to turn as he heard the music nearing the end. His arms were all around him, his vision blurry, his breath short. 

He placed his arms around his shoulders with his final pose as the music stopped. 

He could hear the imaginary crowd in his mind cheering for him loudly.  

He was so warm and panting quite hard but he had done it. He'd done his routine with only a tiny mistake and it was over. He could hear the judges in his mind announce that his performance had been nearly flawless. But none of them mattered. What mattered was what Victor thought.

So, how had he done according to Victor?

His eyes quickly went over to him who was smiling at him calmly. 

The Japanese skater skated over at him, his heart still beating very fast. Victor didn't say anything and held his forearms lightly. Yuuri could see the slight dusting of pink on Victor's cheeks but apart from that there were no apparent emotions on his face. 

"Yuuri. You did well."

Yuuri felt his chest clench painfully. It sounded genuine but Victor sounded so...stupidly calm, maybe a little sad even. Like he was answering a stupid question in one of his interviews. It was like Victor was holding back for some reason, not sharing everything. He could see it in his face. He wasn't shouting praises at him or trying to hug him so tight he lost his balance. He wasn't trying to correct his mistakes and tell him he can do better either. It was just an answer that stuck in limbo, going between good and bad but not really meaning either of them. It felt like he didn't even care after he had practiced so much and tried so hard. He had stepped out of his comfort zone for Victor, he had bared all of his soul on the ice and this was all Victor could say to him?

He tried to smile, not wanting to show his disappointment. His chest physically hurt. He felt his lips quiver. Victor was going to leave, wasn't he? He was just trying to be polite to him before he broke him the news. He had failed him. He had failed, once again. Or had he? Did Victor just want Yuuri to not feel like he did well so it wouldn't get to his head and he would keep practicing?

His face must have distorted into something weird because Victor's grip on him tightened. 

"Yuuri...what's wrong?"

Yuuri suddenly felt something in him break. He pulled himself away from Victor's grip sharply. "What do you _mean_ what's wrong? What's wrong with _you_? You've been acting so weird lately! Is that all you have to say? You did _well_? You know who says that? Someone who has no idea how I actually did because they don't know anything about figure skating! Not Victor Nikiforov! You sound like you don't even _care_! You may be winning over and over again without even trying but this is my whole life and I need to do better to keep it going!"

His eyes were brimming with angry tears now. His chest was overflowing with an emotion he couldn't contain.

"Yuuri..." Victor began, concern now showing on the Russian skater's face. He reached out to touch Yuuri but he just slid out of Victor's reach. 

"I know I'm weak but I really did my best out there! And I think I did better than just 'well'! I touched the floor after my quadruple Salchow but I can practice and I promise I'll land it next time, _okay_?"

Victor's lips parted, he obviously wasn't expecting a reaction like this from Yuuri, who was now angrily wiping one of his eyes.

"You're not weak Yuuri." Victor began, trying to find a way to handle the situation. Was this what Dominika was talking about when she said 'he gets like this sometimes'? "Nobody thinks that."

Yuuri looked at him, his eyes still glassy on his angry face. "I look up to you so much." He said, clenching his fists. A tear rolled down one of his cheeks. "I just need you to _stop_...whatever this is! I want you to stop pretending or being polite, or whatever it is that you are doing and just tell me if I was good or bad! Tell me if you want to just leave! I'm not some reporter you can just reply with 'no comment' and ignore. Stop it. Just stop it! It's making me sick!" Yuuri shouted before he turned around and bowed his face down into his hands, unable to breathe properly. He was so dizzy and his throat felt hoarse from shouting.

"I thought you said we were friends. Friends don't do this to each other." 

Everything was quiet from a few seconds. Yuuri could only hear himself making tiny noises as he forced his body to stop crying so he wouldn't embarrass himself any further. 

When he felt arms around him from the back he let out a shaky breath and sniffled. The arms enveloped him as he closed his eyes. Victor's chest was pushing against his back. He was surprised how comforting the touch was instead of intruding. The weight of Victor's head on his shoulder was reassuring. He wiped his eyes messily, his fingers still trembling from his outburst. He leaned his head back and looked up, taking in a deep breath. 

"Yuuri...You were the tastiest katsudon I've ever seen in my entire life."

Yuuri shook with a small hiccup as warm fingers stroked one of his wet cheeks gently.   

"I couldn't imagine leaving before I get to see your free skate program."  


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I am going to take a break until my finals are over. Wait for me~
> 
> (sorry i accidentally posted my very tiny note for chapter 12 and you may have gotten an email sorry to disappoint you im so sorry omg ;_;)
> 
> Edit: I tried to fix all my grammar/spelling mistakes here. If you see one let me know. 
> 
> I love Phichit. I have to say  
> Otabek and Phichit are my favorite side characters (I'm counting Yuri P as a main character). Also it's so strange how much I love Otabek despite knowing like -3 things about him. I'm so sorry Kubo-Sensei for butchering Phichit's character in this chapter for my own personal pleasure, I just couldn't help it, oops. I also just love saying Phichit's name tbh.
> 
> Anyway, here is a bunch of emotions no one asked for. Enjoy.
> 
> ~
> 
> This fic is powered by: The Internet. Which isn't %100 reliable when translating things from English to Russian. If you correct the Russian in any of my chapters you get...  
> The satisfaction of knowing you, as a person, are literally better than google translate.

Yuuri groaned from the incessant noise coming from the nightstand of his bed. It hadn't stopped even after the third time the ringtone played all the way to the end. Whoever was calling him on Facetime must have really wanted to speak with him. 

Finally giving in, Yuuri rolled over and unplugged his phone, puling it to his face. 

**_Incoming Video Chat: Phichit Chulanont_ **

Yuuri pressed accept as he started sitting up. It was about time he spoke to Phichit. He was actually really curious about how he'd been and about the condition of his grandmother. 

"Hello Phichit-kun." Yuuri said lazily, putting his phone on his bed as he reached for his glasses. 

"Oh my god Yuuri, you finally picked up. I've been texting and calling you for hours. We need to talk like right now."

Yuuri frowned, picking up his phone again. Phichit sounded serious but excited. Excitement usually meant that he had some really good gossip, and Yuuri wasn't as into that as Phichit but his serious tone made Yuuri want to learn what he had to say. It was good to see his friend's face again though, Yuuri had so much to tell him as well. He was sure Phichit would flip his shit when he heard his news. 

"Wait, did you  _just_  wake up? Isn't it like three in the afternoon there? Was it that late when you were skating last night with Victor?"

"Yeah, it was pretty la-" Yuuri stopped midway his sentence, his hand stuck in his messy bed hair. If he had any semblance of sleep it was gone now. "How do you know about that?"

Phichit rolled his eyes so hard that Yuuri felt his stomach drop. "Yuuri, it's  _all over_  the internet."

The Japanese skater widened his eyes, feeling a knot in his throat. "...What is?" He managed to ask quietly despite being scared of the answer.  

Phichit sighed irritatedly. "What kind of a professional skater are you Yuuri? Do you never check your social media, like ever? You must have so many mentions by now. I need to give you social media lessons after we talk about this whole thing." The Thai skater shook his head. "Look at your Instagram messages. I sent you the photo there."

Yuuri groaned. "All right, god, I just woke up okay?" 

"Just be quick and don't hang up okay? We need to talk about it. I need the details of this like  _yesterday_."

"Okay, okay." Yuuri replied, feeling his heart in his throat. What could it be? It obviously involved him personally which only scared him more. Had Victor uploaded one of the pictures of them from the other night? Oh god, had he uploaded a picture of Yuuri alone? 

He went to his Instagram and the little notification bubbles that popped up instantly with numbers confirmed what Phichit said. He had so many mentions he couldn't even go through all of them by scrolling a few times. He had also gained quite a lot of followers overnight, which he didn't particularly care about since he didn't post that many pictures.

"You nearly have enough followers to pass me now. You're playing a dangerous game Katsuki."

Yuuri ignored Phichit's joke as he pressed on his messages while holding his breath. He had some messages that he didn't pay much attention to but at the top was Phichit's conversation and tapping on that revealed a bunch of messages from a very angry Phichit trying to reach him. After he scrolled up a little though he saw it. 

It was a picture of him from last night when he was performing his Eros program. He and Victor were both clearly recognizable in the shot. Yuuri's eyes were closed, his whole body bent forward delicately. Victor on the other side had his hands over his mouth and nose. It wasn't very apparent from the photo but Yuuri could definitely tell Victor's eyes were on him.

"So? Did you see it yet?" An impatient voice came from his phone. 

Yuuri, who had forgotten he was still in a call with Phichit jumped a little. 

"Yeah..."  The Japanese skater began as he tapped on the photo, arriving at the original post. It wasn't anyone he knew. Just someone who must have recognised Victor Nikiforov while they were passing the rink and sneaked in to take a photo. 

The description read 'Я не знал, Виктор Никифоров учил вечерние занятия'. Yuuri couldn't understand it but after tapping the translate button it read something like 'I didn't know Victor Nikiforov taught evening classes'. The picture had thousands of likes and a whole bunch of comments in all sorts of languages. 

It felt all so overwhelming to Yuuri suddenly. That had been a show for only Victor. It was a very private moment of his life and that person had stepped into it so carelessly. Just because Victor was famous and Yuuri was quasi-recognizable that didn't make them public property. They were still people with private lives. For now though, he was just glad there was no picture of what happened after his program. The person either had left before they saw it or took a picture and had enough decency to not post it. 

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you skated for Victor Nikiforov. Like honestly it should have been your first priority to text me after you even spoke to him let alone do a private show for him in a random rink in the middle of the night!" Phichit whined.

"Me!?" Yuuri asked, now scrolling down the comments. His face had soured at the words 'private show'. That sounded so sexual. Well it had been but it was just...different. 

"How come you didn't tell me you met Victor and talked to him in the banquet!?" 

"Oh, whoops. Busted." Phichit's voice sounded a little guilty but then it returned with full force. "Well,  _excuse me_  for wanting my arrangements for you to meet your idol to be a surprise! If I had told you, you would have totally ran off before you even saw him." 

"Making....what?" Yuuri was now confused. He pressed the home button, returning to the Facetime app to see Phichit's face. 

"You know, like how I asked him to meet you? I guess you never heard the story from start to finish in the right order. So when we talked in the banquet at one point we were talking about fans right? And I just casually mentioned that my best friend happened to be a huge fan of his. He was really interested in that, so I showed him a couple photos of you and he actually recognised you! He said you didn't want to take a picture with him earlier that day, which is like,  _what's wrong with you Yuuri?_  Your bedroom at home is basically a shrine of him. Anyway, so he recognised you and I was like floored, right? So we were looking at more pictures of you and then we stumbled on some pictures I took of us when we went out like a few months ago. It was night you got pretty drunk. He was  _really_  interested in that. He made me play the video of you dancing like three times. You were pretty wild."

Yuuri could only watch with horror as Phichit kept talking. 

"So yeah, he said he wanted to meet you but then I told him you were leaving pretty soon and he got quite upset, which was like  _super_  cute by the way, and then he followed me on Instagram which is like, _holy shit Victor Nikiforov is following me on Instagram_ , I had to pinch myself a few times. Anyway then I had to leave which really sucked. Then in the morning I got a call from home and you know how that went but right before I got on the plane I sent Victor a private message on Instagram and told him where he could find you if he was still down to meet you. To be honest I didn't actually think he was going to go! I mean I thought he would be too busy to just do that. He only sent me two shocked cat emojis, one ice skate emoji and the hand emoji with like the rock 'n roll thing, you know like the index and pinky finger up? Which is weird because I wouldn't put him down as a guy who would use that emoji and it wasn't even the yellow one-"

" _Phichit!_ " 

Phichit finally stopped, looking at Yuuri, in the middle of his obviously very important emoji analysis. 

Yuuri didn't know where to begin. He had so many questions. He was so angry but he didn't even have a solid thing to be angry at. He couldn't erase the damage. If he reported the photo that wouldn't make it disappear from the phones and computers of everyone who saved it even if it got taken down, which it wouldn't be. 

But right now, there was something more important. 

" _You showed him pictures of me from when I was drunk?_ "

Phichit blinked a few times, dumbfoundedly. "He...he didn't tell you? I thought it was weird that you didn't threaten to kill me yet." 

Yuuri couldn't believe his friend. He wouldn't show those pictures to Yuuri himself but he would show it to someone he just met!? 

"No! He didn't tell me anything!"

"...Are you sure?" Phichit asked, now looking more than a little guilty. 

Yuuri stilled and thought back for a second. He remembered asking Victor how he knew he would get like this when he was drunk. "He...said a little bird told him."

"Told him what?"

"How I got when I drank, which I found out only about two days ago no thanks to you!"

"Well, he obviously told you someone told him then! I didn't even mean to show the pictures, it just sort of happened. And hey! I only didn't show you so you wouldn't stop going out for drinks with me. I knew when you eventually found out you would refuse to drink for the rest of your life. And to be honest it's just so fun to watch you."

Yuuri huffed. "You're such a bad friend sometimes."

Phichit grinned and shrug. "It's nice to see you loosen up sometimes. Honestly I was just waiting for the day you would start remembering all the stuff you did and come to peace with it."

A sigh left Yuuri's lips. "Anyway...No, he said a little bird told him. That means that someone just guessed something or had a hunch. There isn't anyone who actually told them so they say it's an imaginary bird who told them. It's an expression."

Phichit looked at Yuuri as if he was an idiot. 

"No Yuuri. That's used when someone knows something but doesn't want to say who told them."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"O-Oh..." Yuuri looked down. Well, that made so much more sense.

So the reason Victor came to the rink, the reason he wanted to watch Yuuri skate, it was all because of Phichit. 

"You can explain what you have been doing now and tell me how good of a friend I am later."

Yuuri sighed heavily, rubbing his face with his hands.

"So he showed up a week ago..."

Yuuri gave him a very brief explanation of skating for Victor and then Victor telling him he would do two performances for him with one week of coaching each. 

"So that was your first performance?" Phichit asked, his eyes sparkling. 

"Yeah, it went good. I think." Yuuri shrugged as he breathed out his words. "A day before it, I was out having dinner with Dominika and he came into the restaurant for some reason, when we were about to leave. He became really cold after that."

Phichit laughed. "Was he jealous?"

Yuuri spluttered. "No! That's impossible. For one, it wasn't even a real date. Why would he be jealous?"

No, it was quite impossible that Victor thought that was a date after he had explained to him how he pushed people away. And after he had performed for him? There was just no way.

"A real date? As opposed to a fake one?" Phichit asked, confused. 

Yuuri groaned. "It was just this stupid thing to make her ex-boyfriend jealous. We didn't even do anything. We just had dinner."

Yuuri sighed and threw himself back on his bed, holding his phone up to his face still. "He was so intimate with me before. He would touch me all the time, even when we just met-"

Phichit smirked. "Wait, when you say touch you mean..."

Yuuri went a bright shade of red very quickly. "I mean just touch! Like a hug!"

Phichit nearly screamed in response, then put his hand on his mouth as he looked away from the camera. "I hope my mother didn't hear that." He whispered before he started jumping up and down on his seat, a high pitched squeal he was trying to cover up leaving him bit by bit. 

"Phichit, nothing happened." Yuuri tried to sound calm and casual. He couldn't exactly tell his best friend the little incident with Victor without him getting the wrong idea.

"Ohhhhhh my god. Yuuri you're so bad at lying. You  _need_  to tell me what happened before I literally die. Do you like him? Does he like you back? Are you boyfriends? When are you getting married? I need answers right now!"

Yuuri groaned as he turned on his side on the bed, covering his face with his hand. His fingers told him that his face was burning up.

"Phichit,stop! We are just friends. It's not like that." Was it not like that? Yuuri was the last person on earth who could answer that. But he had sort of asked Victor before and Victor had agreed he was doing it just to show Eros to Yuuri.

"Like  _hell_  it's not like that!" Phichit rolled his eyes. "You should see your face right now. You're  _so_  in love with him. I knew it. I knew it all along. All these years."

"Phichit, I'm going to hang up if you don't stop talking about me and Victor's relationship." Yuuri said lowering his hand just so that his eyes were visible to give him an annoyed look. 

"Oooh~  _relationship_." Phichit wiggled his fingers on the air in front of the camera.

"I'm serious." 

Phichit sighed. "Okaay, okaay. I get it, no fun allowed. Shutting up." 

Yuuri took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He could still see fine since the screen was close to his face and it hurt to lie down with them.

Phichit always did this, jumped to conclusions so fast and just went with it. Sometimes they made sense but Yuuri didn't know what made sense in this situation. "I mean... I'm not in love with him. That would be absurd. I've only known him for a week."

When Yuuri didn't hear a reply, he frowned. He could see Phichit's face but he wasn't speaking. Did he freeze? "Phichit? Are you still there?"

"Oh,  _now_  I'm allowed to talk about it?" Phichit raised his eyebrows up. 

"You're impossible." Yuuri groaned. 

"No, I'm your best friend. I totally earned the right to talk about this.  _And_  tease you whenever you're being completely unreasonable."

"Ugh, just cut me some slack, okay?" Yuuri sighed. 

Phichit laughed. "Okay fine. I mean, yeah you've officially known him for only a week but you've been following his every movement since you were like, what, eleven?"

"But it's not like that. Victor is so different in real life. I can't even say he's nothing like I've imagined him to be, because I didn't even imagine him to be anything. It didn't even occur to me that he was a real person until I met him." Yuuri whined. 

Phichit frowned, thinking. "You noticed that too, huh? He wasn't anything like what I saw on his interviews when we were talking in the banquet. At first he was all serious and everything but by the time we were looking at your pictures he wouldn't stop smiling and he kept joking around with me."

Yuuri buried his face in his pillow. "You think he saw the picture?"

Phichit hummed. "He definitely did. He has a good grip on social media unlike _some_ people." 

Yuuri tried to burry his face deeper into his pillow.

"I'm just glad there is almost no background in the photo." Phichit spoke while looking at something off-camera. "And there is no location tag. So people don't know where this happened."

"Why does that matter?" Yuuri's voice came muffled. 

"It matters because people don't know where you guys are so they can't come and watch you." 

Yuuri pushed himself off the bed and looked at the screen. "Oh my god, you're right."

He really hoped nobody would come and watch them tonight. Well nobody knew where they were in Sochi, there was no location tag to begin with for people to know they are in Sochi (though it was obvious they were most likely in Russia since the username of the account was Russian.), and if they happen to know their location, they obviously didn't know they met every night- and at what time. This thought eased Yuuri's mind a little though he still wasn't very happy about all of this. 

"I'm suppose to start learning my new program today." Yuuri said, turning to lie on his back. He raised his phone to over his head. 

"Oh! Do you already know what music you're going to use?" Phichit asked with a big smile. 

Yuuri shook his head. "No, Victor just gave me the music last time. Why?"

"Guess who sent me an email two days ago."

* * *

"Seems like we've been found out Yuuri." Victor said as he walked to the Japanese skater. His phone was in his hands and he was typing something.   

Yuuri breathed out and gave a small nod. "I noticed. I hope they don't know where we were." 

Victor looked looked around before settling his gaze on his student again. "Well, it seems like no one is here but us as usual." He pocketed his phone and placed his bag down. "Why? You don't want to have an audience?" He asked calmly, tilting his head to the side. 

Yuuri looked away and shook his head. "No, not really. I..." He pressed his lips together before he looked up at Victor again. "This is something private. For me. I don't want other people to watch it. It's like they are..."

"Trespassing." Victor finished his sentence while giving him a nod. He seemed to understand what Yuuri was talking about which made Yuuri very glad.

There was a short silence between them. 

"So, about your new routine..."

"Oh yeah, before I forget." Yuuri pulled out his phone from his pocket. "Victor...Is it okay if I pick the music this time?" He asked, meeting Victor's gaze. 

"Of course Yuuri." He said, taking the headphone from the other man's extended hand. He placed it in his ear as he waited for the piece to start. "Do you often pick music for your routines?"

"No. Never actually. My coaches always pick it for me." Yuuri shrugged. "It's just more comfortable that way for me I guess. But there was this girl a while ago, a music student. She composed an original music piece for me to use in a program. I ended up not using it, it felt like it was just missing something I guess. But I was talking to Phichit today and he told me she redid the piece as part of an assignment and wanted me to hear it. I think it sounds...Well, just listen to it yourself."

Victor watched Yuuri press the play button. The gentle piano notes quickly started to play. 

"It's suppose to represent my skating career." Yuuri said, adjusting the volume.

Yuuri could swear he saw Victor's eyes glimmer as the soft piano started to become louder and the lower keys added to the melody. It was so interesting to watch all the emotions that passed through Victor's face, especially when the beat and the strings joined. It was like watching a realisation bloom on his features. Yuuri couldn't put a complete name on any of the emotions he saw though because they passed as quickly as they came. Victor generally seemed enthralled by it however and that made Yuuri happy.

When the music notes came to a gentle halt, he could practically see the gears in Victor's head turning. He was probably trying to come up with a routine, Yuuri thought idly. It wasn't so easy to whip up a routine so fast and he wasn't sure if Victor was going to be able to just pull one out for him right now.

"Beautiful." Victor said suddenly, making Yuuri look up at him with his hand on his jaw.

Yuuri could swear if someone saw this without any context they would think the compliment was at him and not the piece.

He blinked as he breathed out between his parted lips and looked down. It was nice to see Victor starting to go a little back to his old self even though he was entirely too touchy for Yuuri's liking. He had to say, he was starting to get used to it though. Victor was rubbing off on him. 

"Yuuri." Victor began, causing their eyes to meet again. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

Yuuri jumped a little, though not escaping Victor's grip. His eyes were wide. " _What?_ No! I told you that I never had a girlfriend, didn't I?"

Victor was still looking at him thoughtfully. "That girl you were on a date with..." His voice was low.

Yuuri spluttered. "That _wasn't_ a date! It was...It was just a misunderstanding. I just agreed to pretend to be her boyfriend on a photo so she could send it to her ex and make him jealous. There is this whole stupid story..."

"Why would you do that? Is she your friend?" Victor added, his eyes squinting slightly.

"Sort of, I guess. I talked to her a few times at work. Well, she...payed for my food in exchange?"

Something in Victor's eyes gleamed. Yuuri felt the grip on him relax a little, Victor's thumb gently brushed against his chin.

"Come on Yuuri, how you can you sell yourself this cheap!?" Victor suddenly said seriously, almost looking angry.

Yuuri blinked in disbelief and opened his mouth to reply before something shut him up.

Victor was laughing. It felt _so_ good to hear Victor chuckle again that it hurt his soul. There it was. A huge grin plastered on his face, Victor was looking down at him like he had just woken up on Christmas day. The relief Yuuri felt go through his whole body was more relaxing than any soak he had in Yu-topia. It was almost like watching Victor come back to life, bloom into a beautiful flower in the spring after long months of harsh winter.

" _But it was katsudon!_ " Yuuri replied with complete seriousness, like Victor should definitely understand how worth that was.

Victor laughed even louder at that, the noise filling Yuuri's ears like it was the sweetest, most beautiful ballad he has ever listened to. In fact Victor laughed so hard that he actually snorted a little. Right after he did, he went pink and closed his mouth with his hand.

Yuuri tried to hold himself, he really did but the laugh that came out of his mouth wasn't listening to him.  

So...that was it? Had Victor been.. _.jealous?_ That was hard to believe. Victor was a more complex person than that, wasn't he? That wasn't jealousy what he had felt before, or if it was, it was accompanied by other feelings. It felt stupid to think about this right after he had heard the great Victor Nikiforov _snort_ while laughing. Yuuri decided to just enjoy the moment for once in his life. The weather was so cold but he felt incredibly warm when Victor abandoned his embarrassment and started laughing along with him. 

When he saw the expression that settled on Victor's face eventually, Yuuri felt an overwhelming urge to hug him. He felt...he wouldn't deny it, he felt happy. He wanted to share that happiness. This was a feeling that was unfamiliar to him. He had wanted to share his happiness before sure, but the fact that it had manifested itself into a physical act, making him want to touch someone, that was very new to him. Yuuri could never decide if it was okay to touch anyone in general really. He would always think it would be rude and he wouldn't be able to tell if their relationship socially allowed it but then again mostly he just didn't exactly want to. It just didn't come to him instinctually. It only made sense he was quite surprised about the feeling that was steadily growing in his chest.  

"You know...you made it sound like you..." Victor began when their laughter died down.

"I what?" Yuuri asked, when he realised Victor wouldn't end that sentence.

"You were looking for your Eros two days ago, right? Then you called up Dominika, who had told me that day that you were her boyfriend. I was talking about how you had never had sex before that, and when you went to call her like that..."  

Yuuri opened his mouth wide then covered it with his hands. " _Oh my god_ , no, no, I... I just asked her for the wi-fi password. Why would she even say I was her-"

"Don't worry, I think she was just trying to explain it to me and then panicked." Victor gave him a warm smile. "This happens _a lot_ when people try to take a picture with me! Oh my god, you wouldn't believe." Victor started speaking with abandon, looking at the air. He looked so casual again. He once again looked like the Victor who would jump into Yuuri's arms for the smallest things. The Victor who actually seemed to enjoy life. "I've heard people say some very weird stuff before when they asked to take a picture with me. Like for example this lady asked me if we could take a picture together for her _cat_ who was apparently waiting for her at home and was my biggest fan.Yes, you heard it right, the _cat_ was my biggest fan, not her-"

Victor stopped, noticing the sudden warmth of a hand his forearm. Yuuri's tightened his grip when Victor looked at him.

"Victor, were you upset? Before my performance?" Yuuri's voice was steady and serious.

Victor breathed out softly and put his hand on Yuuri's. "...I guess I forgot to apologise for my behaviour. That was very rude of me. I'm sorry."

Yuuri shook his head. That didn't matter. He was overcame with the realisation that maybe it was him who should be apologising. "Was it because of what Dominika said? Or did she do something after I left? _Was it_ because I left? Is it because of the friend thing? Because I just sort of panicked there and..."

Victor knew that neither of them were ready to have this conversation yet. 

"Don't worry about it, Yuuri~" Hearing his name like that once again almost made Yuuri shiver. Victor really had a distinct way of saying his name sometimes and it would make his stomach jump. The smile on Victor's face was nothing short of absolutely charming.

"There was just a lot in my mind. I don't want to weigh you down with my thoughts." 

Yuuri sighed. "I'm sorry for shouting at you. I guess seeing you like that really...it made me mad. I should have been more considerate about how you were feeling instead of focusing on myself so much. I just felt so stressed. I worked so hard for that performance." He said quietly. 

Victor squeezed Yuuri's hand, that was still on his forearm. He silently watched the Japanese skater's eyes as they kept moving as if they were searching something on the floor. He could tell Yuuri was trying to come up with something to say. 

"Yuuri?" He began, now running his hand down Yuuri's arm. When he came to his elbow, he instead brought his hand to his face, pushing his fringe back. 

When Yuuri looked up at him, he kept going. "When you said you wanted me to just be me, you really meant it, didn't you?" 

It wasn't real a question but Yuuri firmly nodded once regardless. 

The expression on Victor's face changed rapidly between a few emotions again before it eased into a serious one. Then a sad smile appeared slowly on his lips. The way Victor's hands first went on his shoulders, then down his forearms and around his neck felt familiar. Victor pushed the fingers of his left hand in Yuuri's hair form his neck, cradling his head. Yuuri felt their chests press together, having to take a step forward as he got gently pulled in. 

The Japanese skater found himself frozen for a second when he heard Victor speak. 

"You know..."

Yuuri looked forward, parting his lips. Victor's voice felt uncontrolled and silent. He wrapped his arms around Victor's waist tightly. He had a feeling about what Victor was going to say next.

"No one else really seems to want that."

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 12. THIS TIME, FOR REAL THIS TIME.
> 
> Gonna be real sad if you don't get subscriber emails because I accidentally published something like a day or two ago and then deleted the chapter because it wasn't ready yet.
> 
> ~
> 
> I'm starting to give up on this fic ;_; its so hard to write, this chapter felt really out of place...zzzz I don't know. I'm open for help. It would be so lovely to know your thoughts! Please take five seconds to leave a comment if you think you can contribute :)
> 
> Also thank you so much for all the people reading, leaving a kudos, commenting, telling me they want me to keep writing. You guys really make my day. I appreciate it so incredibly much you have no idea! 
> 
> P.S. I started cleaning up some early chapters. I didn't do much yet but maybe in a while when you get back to them you'll see that they don't have words missing/mistakes anymore and maybe have a little more content that makes things more clear. Thank you for your patience <3

Yuuri woke up around twelve in the afternoon, feeling more drowsy than usual. This horrible sleeping schedule was really starting to take a toll on his body and he was sort of glad that he wouldn't have to be working in a few days. But then again, it wasn't really his work that was doing this to his body. It was skating all night- which was also going to end in a few days.

_"I couldn't imagine leaving before I get to see your free skate program."_

That was what Victor had said and it wasn't a promise to stay post that.

Yuuri swallowed. He could just keep pushing the thought away until it was time. Until he really couldn't push it anymore. A week that had been so full of new things and so full of Victor. Yuuri could only thank the heavens for bestowing this upon him. He couldn't ask for more when all of this had been such a blessing already and yet there was something deep inside him nagging him to be selfish, nagging him to ask for more as if it was his right to.

He wanted to get to know Victor so much more. He wanted to get to know Victor in a way no one did, and for a moment that feeling felt so selfish and out of character for him that Yuuri had to gently hit himself on the face a few times just so he could come back to himself and wake up.  

It wasn't something they really talked about, what was going to happen after all of this and it was quite hard to guess. What was harder to guess was what role Yuuri played in Victor's life now. 

Last night was filled with a lot of emotions. Emotions that Yuuri had never seen Victor experience, but then again Yuuri didn't get to experience Victor a lot before. Not in real life at least. 

Though as open as Victor seemed, as closed as he was. Yuuri still couldn't comprehend why Victor had invaded his personal space so quickly when they first met. It was just to show him Eros? But he had felt Victor's attraction to him as well, as much as he could deny that it wasn't what he thought it was. 

All smiling, all touching, all laughing and joking Victor. He actually harboured so much inside him that Yuuri noticed the more he learned about him, the more he realised he hadn't even _began_ knowing him. 

Perhaps this was one of the more alluring sides of Victor. He was mysterious, he always kept his personal life secret as much as the media liked to speculate. And now Yuuri was learning why. Victor didn't really have a personal life to begin with and Yuuri wasn't sure if this was something he chose or just ended up happening- but he was starting to lean on the latter. Victor seemed to be picky with his friends and it felt like Yuuri made the cut.

He was taken out of his thoughts by his phone chiming beside him. 

_**Lunch? I want you to meet my coach Yakov. Yurio will be there too :)** _ _**I'll pick you up in an hour, just send me your location.** _

_**-Victor~ 12:13 PM** _

* * *

It was definitely weird, sitting with all of them here on this fancy restaurant. Yakov and Yuri certainly didn't look amused to be dragged out here but Victor hadn't stopped talking about the wine menu for the last ten minutes and looked like he was having the time of his life. It wasn't so bad since it didn't seem like Yakov was much of a talker but Yuuri really could have done without the invisible daggers that were coming out of Yuri's eyes. 

"So..." Yakov started when Victor somehow stopped talking about the difference between some wine and another Yuuri didn't remember the name of.

"This is Yuuri Katsuki, hm? I've heard some good things about you from Vitya."

Victor smiled brightly at Yuuri in return. Yuuri definitely felt his face going pink. 

"I've been trying my hand at coaching." Victor began, his voice sounded excited and full of life, like a little kid who just learned how to read and wanted to show off his skills. "Yuuri has improved a lot just in a week." 

Suddenly everyone at table seemed to grow very silent. Yuri wasn't messing with his cutlery anymore and looking at Victor like he was a complete idiot. Yakov on the other hand seemed solemn if not a little angry. It seemed like both of them knew what was going on while Yuuri remained clueless.

"Don't play coach, Vitya."

It was a harsh statement. Yuuri could actually see the moment Victor's face went a little pale. It was odd to see him like that, a guarded expression taking over his features afterwards. His blue eyes were on his coach and the fact that he wasn't even blinking was raising alarms in Yuuri's mind already. 

"You're twenty six years old. Your body doesn't bounce back as quick as it used to. If you are going to be doing this, do not bother coming back. There will be nothing to come back to."

This wasn't new information to Victor and yet he still looked like he was trying to keep his expression still just so mask what was hidden under it. 

A few silent and awkward minutes later in which Yuri would not stop glaring at Yuuri on and off, Victor silently excused himself to the bathroom and it took Yuuri about two long and painful minutes before he couldn't take it anymore and muttered something as he got up to follow Victor. 

He walked the way Victor went and eventually came across the familiar _Men's_ sign. Pushing the door open, his eyes quickly surveyed the room, trying to find the silver haired Russian man. 

Victor was there, both of his hands on the counter, looking at himself on the mirror. A part of his fringe was between his eyes, softly touching his nose. For a second Yuuri saw something familiar in his face that made his chest tighten but it disappeared so quickly that Yuuri had to wonder if what he saw had been actually there at all. 

"Yuuri..." Victor began, seemingly surprised that he had been followed to the bathroom. It quickly made Yuuri feel like he was intruding Victor's personal space. He had obviously come here to be alone and now Yuuri was there, just making things worse.

Sometimes it was hard to realise Victor and him barely knew each other. Victor had been a part of Yuuri's life for years and sometimes it was easy to forget that they weren't life-long friends, especially after the amount of time Yuuri spent talking to his posters when he was younger. It wasn't like they didn't know each other at all however. Yuuri felt like what they shared until now, despite in quite a short period, wasn't something that could quickly be ignored. 

He stepped in, noticing that Victor's expression had fallen into a guarded one. 

It was so odd still to see Victor like this. Being a normal human being. On the television he was a playboy. In interviews he was a charming gentleman. On the ice he was a beautiful white swan spreading its wings. A perfect creature. He made you feel like if you just wanted something enough, it was yours. He made it all seem possible and he had proof for it. He worked hard and won consistently because of it. There wasn't a second on the ice you could look at him and think this isn't exactly where he wanted to be right now. It was occurring to Yuuri that this was one of the reasons why people liked Victor so much. He made it seem like if you worked hard enough you could do anything you wanted.

Whenever Victor spoke in interviews, it was like he was speaking to him. Whenever he tried to explain his passion about skating, it spoke to Yuuri's soul. He knew the _exact_ feeling Victor had been trying to describe, _every time_. His mind could easily go back to one of the interviews. 

 

_Victor pushes his long hair back, a twinkle in his blue eyes. He is so achingly beautiful, it's unreal._

_"The ice is my home. I can't imagine living without it."_

_A smile to top it off. Yuuri holds his breath. He feels something he can't possibly put to words._

 

And each time, it made him feel like he could do anything if he just kept remembering that feeling.  

However reality was far from that. It was so easy to comment on a skater's program from the audience and tell them they haven't practiced enough, or they just didn't make any effort to feel their routine. People not in the industry, people who just watched the programs behind their televisions screens, they didn't know all the bruises that were under those sparkly costumes. They didn't know the ankle injuries some skaters suffered from. They didn't know the amount of hours that went into practice, how their life had to revolve around it. They didn't know the sacrifices each skater had to make. They didn't know how each and every one of them deserved to win gold but just couldn't.

And the thing they didn't know most about was that. The feeling of not being able to land that Quad Lutz for the thirty sixth time in a row. The feeling of your body giving up under you. The feeling you get...not even the feeling- _knowing_ your body has reached a limit and and that it absolutely cannot progress from there. The feeling of not knowing your future but knowing it wasn't going to get better than this. The late at night thoughts about quitting skating. Blurring your vision. Getting you nauseous. Not being able to breathe. Darkness enveloping you and swallowing you whole. 

Yuuri had felt that same exact feeling more than he could count. Most notably just a week ago, something that still threatened to pull him down if he thought about it too much. 

And the expression that showed itself on Victor's face just for a silent moment... 

That was it. That was the feeling. 

It was almost earth shattering to know Victor Nikiforov knew that feeling. The feeling of hitting an invisible wall and hitting it so many times that your nose started gushing with blood.  

He must have been silent for too long because Victor started speaking.  

"Look. This week of coaching you...I felt happier than I ever felt in the last two years of my skating career. Coaching you has been an absolute delight." Victor said tentatively. "It's incredible to see you improve with so little guidance. I know it sounds incorrect but I have not being doing much at all. You are doing it all yourself. I just can't begin to imagine how much better you would get if I could actually work you hard."   

Yuuri parted his lips, taking in what the Russian said. The words carried so much meaning that it felt weird that they just exited into the air from Victor's lips, never to be heard again. It was all too much all of a sudden. This was something that went beyond their silly two week coach and skater roleplay. This was serious. Victor was saying...was Victor really saying what he thought he was saying?

"Victor. You _can't_ quit skating." Yuuri saw how the intensity of his words suddenly made Victor's eyes widen. He had to admit, his voice had gotten a bit too loud suddenly. "I can't allow something like that. Not for this." Yuuri shook his head as the words left his lips. This was such a serious matter and he needed to gather all the confidence and strength in him. "I'm not worth it. I _really_ am not. I am not worth the career of Victor Nikiforov ending. You belong on the ice."

Victor tilted his head to the side, his eyes practically burning into the Japanese skater. "Of course you are. Besides, I won't be too far away from the ice."

Yuuri hesitated a bit too long and he saw Victor took a step forward as a result.

"Yuuri, the night we first met, you skated my Grand Prix program. Did you practice that before?"

Yuuri opened his mouth then closed it. Defeated, he shook his head. 

Victor took a deep breath and then met his hands in front of his face, the side of his pointer fingers touching his lips. He nodded at himself absently as if he was agreeing with himself on something. "I practiced that program on and off for three seasons before I felt that it was complete enough to put it on show."

Yuuri opened his mouth in horror. Oh god, it took him _three years_ to feel like it was complete? It took _Victor_ three years to feel confident with that program enough to perform it? He must have completely butchered the program himself then. What he did felt so incredibly disrespectful now and it made him swallow hard.

"Oh my god, it must have pained you to watch me like that. I'm very sorry. I meant no disrespect. I just thought it was such a beautiful program and I wanted you to see how much I appreciated your work-" Yuuri's words were cut off when Victor's hand gently grabbed his jaw, brushing his lip with his thumb.

"When I watched you..." Victor lowered his hand as gracefully as he placed it, leaving coldness on Yuuri's skin. "I told you this after you finished the program. I told you I saw something. That something made me feel like..." Victor breathed out.

It was hard for Yuuri to see Victor struggle for words like this. He was usually so articulate and knew just what he wanted to say all the time. Now he was stopping and thinking, trying to put his words in order.

"You really inspired me Yuuri. I always had to look inward to find inspiration and lately I've been feeling like it isn't the endless fountain I always thought it to be. It's a very...new thing for me. Someone else invoking such feelings inside me. When I saw you skate I saw something really..." Victor looked at the ceiling, looking for the right word. Their eyes met when Victor found it. "Fresh. It's this aura that you have that I can't perfectly describe. The way you move...It's like your body is making music. You rekindled something in me that I thought was long lost. I absolutely felt how much you admired my program and I wanted to create so many more programs just so I could watch you perform them with the same appreciation." 

The Russian shook his head, looking at the floor. Yuuri couldn't dare to speak, trying to swallow the knot in his throat. He didn't deserve this. He really didn't. But there it was, his idol telling him that he _inspired_ him. Victor wanted to _create programs_ for him. He couldn't even dare to move, suspecting that if he did, he just may wake up.

Victor gave him a sad smile in return. 

"You heard what Yakov said. I'm twenty six years old, I'm about to be twenty seven. I have one or two years in me at the very best, you know this for a fact. I've been skating since seven years old, don't you think it's possible that my time is over now?"    

Yuuri couldn't completely deny that. It really was somewhat of a mystery how Victor could keep going like this when most skaters retired before they reached his age. 

"I've seen your programs. I've watched every one of them I could find. I just see you tripping over yourself over and over again in each one of them and I can only stop myself for so long before I try to push you in the right direction. And yet..."

Yuuri breathed out a breath he didn't know he was holding. All the while Victor was talking, he still had this air of uncertainty to him. He couldn't understand why but even after admitting to all of these thoughts Victor was still keeping something from him. Perhaps something that was very personal to him. 

"It's going to be hard not seeing you on the ice this season, if that is what you choose to do." Yuuri managed to reply. "I always looked forward to your performances every year. Not having one this season after so long...it's going to be weird."  

Victor smiled at him like the way a flower bloomed. Slowly and beautifully. "You'll just have to watch your replays then, because you're going to be skating my performances."

Yuuri looked at him silently for the longest time. Victor looked so alluring being on edge like that, waiting for Yuuri's answer as if his life depended on it. Maybe it did.  

"Let me think about it."

* * *

Practice was different that night.

It was a quiet. Victor didn't overwork him as usual, he didn't make him practice jumps for an hour, he didn't even make him skate loops around the rink to warm up when he failed an easy jump. 

It was more like the first night they skated. Victor did the routine and then Yuuri practiced bits of it over and over again. 

Though now that he knew what Victor felt, Yuuri was starting to pay extra attention to his movements and it was making him come off stiff. He could feel that his movements weren't as fluid as they should be and it took Victor a little more time than Yuuri expected to intervene.

"Yuuri. Do you remember what this routine is about?"

Yuuri stopped, hearing the noise of ice scraping against his skates as he did so. "It's meant to be about my skating career." Yuuri replies, pressing his lips together. 

His skating career, something that went completely downhill just two weeks ago but something that also promised to have a new hope. If only Yuuri could dare to tell Victor that he didn't want anything more than to be coached by him this season. He still had a lot to think about it however, it would be selfish for him to blurt this out before he did. 

Victor gave a silent nod. "Do you want me to show you again what you need to feel?"

Yuuri widened his eyes, lifting his hands in front of him defensively. He skated a little backwards. "Oh god, you're not going to-"

Victor smirked. "Oh _that_. No...well." He laughed. "Now that was a different routine. This is not about you seducing someone, it's not about something you are _going to_ get. It's something you already _have_. It's about your past and the promise of a future."

Yuuri stood still as Victor skated towards him, taking his hands in his. "So at first you are just a little boy. Skating in a small town called Hasetsu." Victor ran his thumbs over Yuuri's fingers, looking in his eyes. "Then you notice...you are sort of good at this and there is a really cute skater on television that makes you want to keep going." He threaded their fingers together slowly, their warm palms meeting. Victor's hands were so soft. Yuuri swallowed. Of course _he_ would make a reference to himself like that. It made Yuuri want to punch him and push their faces together at the same time. 

"Then you start training. Maybe entering a competition or two." Victor said gently, now running his hands up Yuuri's arms. His hands settled on his shoulders. 

"And then you start winning those competitions. You start placing. You have medals. You realise you are actually good at this. You can celebrate. You are starting to get sponsors. People start knowing who you are." Victor ran his fingers around Yuuri's neck, his fingers brushed the small hairs at the back of his neck, earning a shiver from the Japanese skater who found that he couldn't stop looking away. Victor always did this. He made his heart go so fast. Did he even feel it too? He had Yuuri wrapped around his finger. He must know he did- and the Japanese skater couldn't say a word about it.

"And then..." Victor pushed his fingers in his hair, leaning their faces together. Their faces are close. So close. 

Yuuri wanted to push him away but he didn't. Victor looked divine from this angle, he looked like an angel. The shade of blue of his eyes were so mesmerising Yuuri couldn'T find words to describe it.  

All this time, even after Victor had touched him where nobody had, it hadn't felt like this. It wasn't... There were no emotions before. There was nothing before. Just physicality. Yuuri's heart felt swollen. The proximity felt so different now and he felt such a buzz from it.

It wasn't sexual. It was just something so much more overwhelming. Victor was pushing him, yet again, in an area he wasn't comfortable with and all Yuuri could do was try to push back.

"Then you make it to the Grand Prix and it doesn't go right. But then you make it to the Grand Prix _again_ and this time, you _know_ you will get gold." 

He was so beautiful. His cheeks, his eyelashes, his nose, his lips, _hell_ , his lips. 

Victor was a portrait. He was a statue. He was art. He was  _gentle_ and _loving_ and he had such an _incredible_ personality and he absolutely _floated_  on the ice and he was _stupid_ in a way that was so endearing that-.

Before he could push any sense into his brain, he had his fingers curled around the neck of Victor's long sleeved t-shirt. Before he could even register that he was pulling him in, their lips were on each other's. Yuuri felt a wave of warmness wash over him. It was so thrilling to have Victor's face so close to his. He was trembling all over and he didn't know how to stop it. He now understood what all the songs were about. He understood what they felt like when they said the world stopped moving. He understood it all. Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god _oh god_. What was he _doing_? What had he _done_?

When he managed to pull away Victor seemed to be as surprised as he was. 

"You just keep surprising me, katsudon."

Yuuri barely heard that because of how loud his heart was beating in his chest.

He saw Victor swallow thickly then watched him pull back in a daze. He could see the slight blush that covered his cheeks but the knowing smile on his face stood out more. 

"You can't keep _doing_ this to me." Yuuri replied, hiding his eyes with his hands, his knees still trembling. He was going insane. That was it. He was going completely mental. He was so weak. _So so_ weak. Victor just had to be a little close and he was _gone_.

Victor laughed quietly. " _You're_ the one doing it to _me_." He replied quietly. Yuuri managed to catch the slightly pained expression on Victor's face despite the Russian trying to cover it up by turning around. He couldn't really understand what he meant by that. Yuuri did nothing- he could do nothing. He was utterly paralysed by Victor. It was as if Victor was an entire planet and Yuuri was a moon, going around him again and again, never bored. He let Victor do things to him that he wouldn't let anyone else do. He let Victor drag him to places he wouldn't let anyone else drag him. He let Victor. That was it, Yuuri just _let_ Victor. 

"From the top, once more." Victor brushed off his fringe with his long fingers, giving Yuuri a look from over his shoulder. 

As he heard the Japanese skater take in a deep and exasperated breath Victor briefly wondered when Yuuri would notice who the weak one between them really was.

He knew that Yuuri was just  _letting_ Victor _be_ Victor and that was going to be the undoing of them both. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH YOU THOUGHT THE FEELS WERE OVER? 
> 
> *hands you a box of tissues* 
> 
> enjoy :)
> 
> ~
> 
> Hey reader. You're my inspiration. I appreciate you tremendously. And most importantly, I care about what you think. So if you like this, why not leave a comment? It will make the next chapter come out faster and maybe if you tell me you like something/don't like something there will be more/less of it in the future!
> 
> ~
> 
> Guys I'm rewatching the first episode for some reference and I just realised like an idiot I forgot Yuuri competes in Nationals after GPF and fails, then doesn't make it to Four Continents or the World Championships. Can we just assume the Grand Prix was the last competition of the season? Please don't kill me.
> 
> I also made it so that it's 2015 because the next competitive season is 2016 and basically that's the current year in the anime (since there is a huge time leap in the first episode too)

Yuuri pursed his lips as he scrolled down on Facebook. He didn't go on it very often but the red notifications mark was starting to really annoy him. It was just the usual. A dozen status updates from Phichit. A picture of Minako-Sensei and her students which he promptly liked. Ads about "affordable and mint condition skates" spread in between posts.

What stopped him from scrolling was an article on Ice Times about a possible change in the point system being discussed by International Skating Union. 

After tapping on it and reading a few lintes, he realised it wasn't anything too big or serious and didn't really even concern him as it was about pair skating.  

He hadn't looked at the news for a while. Not since after the medal ceremony Celestino had told him not to look at the news when he came across an article about how he needed to retire. 

He opened the figure skating section his eyes quickly went over the headlines. 

 

  * **Victor Nikiforov Brings Home Fifth Consecutive Gold Medal**
  * **Jean-Jaques Leroy Hints at a Strong Comeback Next Season**
  * **Face of the Future: Yuri Plisetsky**
  * **Christoph Giacometti Second Place to Victor Nikiforov Once More**
  * **Time for Katsuki to Retire?**
  * **Yuri Plisetsky's Juniors Reign Coming to an End**
  * **A Closer Look at Victor Nikiforov's Signature Move**
  * **Michele Crispino Places Fifth**
  * **China's Cao Bin Retiring After Placing Forth?**



 

He tried to ignore it. He really did. He left his finger hover over the link for a few minutes before it got the best of him. It was just news right? Yuuri already knew what had happened. But he couldn't swallow it down. It was another article about him. Another article telling him to retire. His finger didn't hit the home button even after he told it to do so many times.

It was nothing.

He would just look over it really quickly and then close it. 

 

* * *

Figure Skating | Ice Times

 

_**Time For Katsuki To Retire?** _

_By Eric Jansen_

_Staff Writer_

_~Dec 20th 2015_

 

_After an average season that started out strong but scrapingly got him into the Sochi Grand Prix Final 2015, Yuuri Katsuki's final performance was nothing to write home about._

_Katsuki (23), received more than a full hundred points less than the legendary Russian skater Victor Nikiforov (26) who earned his fifth consecutive gold medal in the same competition, adding it to his huge trophy collection. Nikiforov, who was rumoured to retire next season, put on a stellar performance that left no doubt in anyone's mind about the continuation of his legacy. Nikiforov remains as the current holder of the world record for most points achieved in Men's Singles Short Program and Free Skate._

_Katsuki's execution of his programs on the other hand was riddled with rookie mistakes. The uninspiring performances no doubt left a bad taste in the audience's mouth with countless under-rotations, stepping out of jumps and even his signature step sequences and spins not seeming to shine as brightly as they usually did. Despite being seen practicing in the public rink before the competition countless times, it became obvious during the competition that he was not ready to swim with the sharks._

_Celestino Cialdini (45), the former coach of Grand Prix Final 2015 bronze medalist Canadian skater Jean-Jacques "JJ" Leroy, is a highly respected coach, but it seems quite clear that the partnership between him and Katsuki is no longer producing good results._

_At 23 years old, Katsuki needs a miracle for a good comeback next season as new blood is entering the senior division to compete among many successful and experienced skaters who only promise to deliver more. Junior Grand Prix Final 2015 gold medalist Yuri "The Russian Punk" Plisetsky is being highly regarded as a threat for many as he is getting ready to make his senior debut in 2016. If the rumours hold true, Plisetsky is going to be a force to be reckoned with in the upcoming competitions of 2016. Plisetsky is currently being coached by Yakov Feltsman (70), a seasoned veteran in the industry who is famously coaching Nikifirov at the same time._

_With all of this taken into consideration, it seems very much like this was Katsuki's first and last Grand Prix Final._

* * *

 

Yuuri completely stilled after he read that. There was a ringing in his ears, it was as if he had lost control over his body. It was like everything around him was becoming bigger and bigger and were going to collapse onto him really really soon. 

This was true. This was all true. He could see the bigger picture so clearly now. Seeing all the facts together like that...

All of a sudden he knew what he had to do.

He couldn't do this with a text however, it was too serious of a topic, so he took in a deep breath before he pressed the little call button next to Victor's number on his phone. It took about 3 rings before Victor answered.

"Hello Yuuri~ To what do I owe the pleasure of you calling me? He could hear the smile in his voice and it only made him feel worse about what he was about to say. It was okay though. Maybe not now but Victor would one day see that this was the right decision to make and maybe even thank him.

"Victor..." Yuuri's voice was silent, he could barely make himself talk. His lips felt numb. He just wanted to get this over with.

"...Yuuri? You sound upset. Are you alright? Did something happen?"

There was no reason to delay this. 

"I don't want you to coach me." When Yuuri was saying this everything in his body was trembling. He could feel a huge knot in his throat and it made him swallow unintentionally right when his words ended. His heart was beating so hard in his chest that it was difficult to breathe.

"...You-" 

"I made my decision." Yuuri let out a shaky breath that he hoped Victor didn't hear. His fingers clenching around his phone so hard that his knuckles were going white. His eyes were starting to water up as he realised he couldn't stop the onslaught of emotions that were curling up in his stomach. "I don't want you coaching me."

Yuuri was aware Victor knew. Yuuri was completely aware of the fact that Victor just _knew_ Yuuri would give up everything in his life just to be coached by him for one single season.  

Victor was silent for a very long and painful second. It sounded like he was trying to figure out how to handle the situation and it made Yuuri so annoyed that Victor just needed to be so considerate and not just accept what Yuuri said and hung up. When he spoke, Yuuri finally let out the breath he was holding.

"You're not thinking straight."

There it was again. Victor just wouldn't let it go. Why wouldn't he just _let it go_? "No. I'm thinking more straight than ever before." He replied sharply. He couldn't believe himself that he thought even for a _second_ that he could take Victor Nikiforov out of the ice. That he could have him all to himself. All to himself... Knowing him inside and out...Victor smiling at him so genuinely...Waking up to the sight of his silver hair brushed over his forehead, his pink lips curled into the cutest frown...Feeling the warmth of his face as he leaned in for another kiss-

Yuuri clenched his teeth. It was pathetic how quickly his mind started fantasising about all kinds of stuff. This had never happened before he met Victor. It was as if getting to know him in person had opened up Pandora's Box in his mind. It was getting only harder to keep saying he didn't want him as a coach.

He had to think logically here even though his heart was screaming at him, tightening his chest, making him out of breath. He couldn't take Victor from everyone else who admired him like he did. He couldn't be this selfish.

He didn't even want to _begin_ to think about what he was to Victor right now. Even the thought of it threatened to give him a massive headache. It was so easy with everyone else. Flirting, kissing, touching, touching him _down there_ , they all signified that two people liked each other but with Victor...Yuuri had a better chance at solving the DaVinci Code. 

What he felt towards Victor, it wasn't like what he felt towards Yuuko at all. It was something so much bigger than that, so much bigger than him. 

This is for his own good.

This is for his own good.

 _This is for his own good_. 

_I'm nothing. He's everything. I am not worthy to contain such existence in a small shell._

Yuuri could hear the Russian man breathing on the other end of the line as he thought all of this and it made his heart only bang harder against his ribcage. He really hoped Victor wouldn't ask him to repeat his decision because he knew deep in his heart that he did not have the willpower to let those words that were poisonous to his tongue out of his lips again. 

"Where are you?" A voice of a man trying obviously to stay calm. The slight waver in his tone made Yuuri's heart clench. 

This was starting to feel like the hardest thing he ever had to do. He felt so confused, it was as if he couldn't make up his own mind. It kept switching and forth between how he used to see Victor and how he saw him now that he met him.

 

_Skating genius._

A complete clutz. 

 _Incredible choreographer._  

Forgetful.

_Serious performer._

Goofy. 

_Sunglasses indoors._

The widest, most beautiful grin he has ever seen in anyone's face.

_"No comment."_

Talking for so long he forgets what he was saying. 

_Playboy._

Spending half an hour showing pictures of his dog with such a loving expression.

_A God._

Those achingly human expressions that leave his face as quickly as they appear.

 

He was neither and both and a sinful combination of them mixed with the devil's own fork then sent into the world to ruin Yuuri Katsuki for everyone else.  

"Yuuri, _where are you?_ " The impatience in Victor's voice snapped Yuuri out of his thoughts. 

"At the hotel." He found himself saying silently without thinking. 

"You're staying at the hotel we all stayed for the Grand Prix, right? What room are you staying in?" Victor replied without hesitation. Yuuri was hearing some rustling from Victor's side like he was doing something at the same time. 

Yuuri curled his fingers around his sheets so tightly that it started hurting. A tear was rolling down his cheek which tickled but he didn't wipe it away because if he did, the spell would break. He wouldn't be able to help himself and God knows what would happen then.

He opened his mouth to speak but only a deep breath came out. 

Victor didn't bother waiting for an answer. "Nevermind. I'll ask the front desk. Just stay where you are okay, Yuuri? Can you promise me that?"

Yuuri sniffled. He wasn't a child. Promises meant nothing in the real world. He could promise again and again to stay, he could promise Victor that he was sure he didn't want him as a coach, he could promise him his heart wouldn't tremble if Victor left for St. Petersburg tomorrow, he could promise until his tongue went numb and it wouldn't make a difference.

And yet, Victor had promised him as well. He had promised him once. He had promised him to show up every night for two weeks to coach him and no matter how much Yuuri doubted, Victor was there. Every single night. Coaching him as best as he can with utter seriousness.

Yuuri couldn't look at Victor's face. He couldn't look straight into those icy blue eyes and utter the words _"I don't want you."_ Not now. Not ever. 

"Don't come here Victor." He managed to let out. He only grabbed the sheets tighter, trying to get strength from them. "Yuri was right. I just need to retire." Yuuri didn't know how long he could take this. "I'm hanging up. I need to take a shower."  

" _Don't hang up!_ " Victor said loudly and it stopped Yuuri in place. Victor wasn't letting him run away from this and he wasn't sure if he was glad about it or sad about it.

"You're listening to a fifteen year old kid about your career choices? So what if he told you to retire? He told me to go die multiple times just this year. That doesn't mean I'm going to kill myself. He doesn't even know what being in the senior division is like yet. He thinks he can just practice as much as he does now and win everything which is as far from the truth as it gets."

" _It's not the same thing._ " Why didn't Victor just understand? "He's not the only one telling me to retire. If more than one person is saying that, there must be some _truth_ in it." Yuuri uttered between clenched teeth. He felt anger but he didn't know where it was coming from. "This is it. This is the best I can do. It's going to be impossible for me to qualify for any competition again. Even if you aren't competing, Christoph and JJ will definitely demolish me- not to mention Yuri." 

"That doesn't mean you won't qualify Yuuri. That just means you won't get gold on your first try. Even I couldn't do that." 

"You got _silver_. I barely qualified to begin with and then placed _dead_ _last_."

Victor was starting to understand Yuuri's standards. If Yuuri thought he wasn't going to win gold, he thought he wasn't worth the competition at all.

"Yuuri I'm not going to sit here and lie to you by saying it will be easy for you to qualify again. It won't be. You are going to need to work more than you ever thought possible. It's going to be frustrating and exhausting. It's going to absolutely break you but what will put you back together will be the crowd saying your name over and over again. There is no doubt in my mind that you can do it but you need to believe that. What you are lacking is confidence and technique, not talent."

Yuuri didn't reply. It was as if his body wasn't able to take all of this anymore. He felt another tear rolling down his cheek and angrily wiped it off before he swallowed everything that accumulated in his mouth and on his lips.

"I'm going to be there in twenty minutes and if you aren't there, I'll just come to where you work. You can't run away from me Katsuki. It's off-season and you can bet I have nothing better to do."

Yuuri lowered his phone and pressed the red "end call" button.     

* * *

The knock on his door happened about fifteen minutes later. 

Yuuri's hair was damp from the shower he just took to calm himself down, his hands working his t-shirt over his head. He quickly put his glasses on before he walked to the door and opened it. Victor stood there, his breathing a bit fast. It was as if he had just been running. 

Wordlessly Yuuri took a step back and let the Russian inside, closing the door behind him. He watched Victor walking to the middle of the room and then take his coat off. When their eyes met, Yuuri noticed his heart was going faster in an uncomfortable way. It seemed as if Victor wasn't going to talk so he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Do you want some tea?" He gestured weakly to the kettle on the table. "There aren't many choices but..."

He watched the Russian's hair move as he shook his head lightly and placed his coat on the chair in front of the desk. Victor seemed upset. Was he upset with him? Yuuri stroked the back of his hair, hoping Victor would just say something so his body would stop feeling like it's a high-strung violin string, just waiting for the gentle connection of its bow. The bow that would stroke it and play him with such ease.

Victor could play him just as smoothly if he wanted to- and he did. He would touch him and make him tremble but...that was odd. He had been half expecting Victor to immediately crowd his space and perhaps give him a hug but Victor was really keeping a space between them. 

"Sit down, Yuuri." Victor said gently, motioning to the bed. Yuuri followed the instruction while he watched Victor turn the chair around to face Yuuri and settle on it himself. 

Victor seemed a little uneasy. Yuuri could practically see the gears turning in his mind. Victor was someone who thought an awful lot, Yuuri realised at the back of his mind.

"Now I want you to be honest with me."

The serious tone in Victor's voice was a little scary. Yuuri nodded softly anyway, trying to think about what Victor was about to say. He hoped it wasn't something too intruding as Victor was pretty good at that.

"Good." Victor said calmly, leaning back. "Yesterday I explained to you all the reasons why I thought you were a good skater. I explained why I wanted to coach you. I know you wanted to say yes then and there but you wanted to think about it and I respected that but I was...thinking- _hoping_ that your answer was going to be positive. Now will you please tell me what changed? Do you think I should have asked you in a different way? Is it because what happened last night? I know I definitely should control myself better but-"

Yuuri opened his mouth wide. " _You_ control yourself better? It was _me_ who couldn't damn control himself!"

Victor gave him a sad smile before he shook his head. "No, not at all actually. I've been...I haven't been acting professionally. Ever since I met you. There's just something about you that makes me...falter." Victor pressed his lips together and met his hands in front of his face for a second.

Yuuri was really confused now. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't really understand what you meant."

"Maybe I wasn't really clear yesterday...Yuuri I have been thinking about quitting for a while now. I have many reasons why I think it's a good idea. I have no really good friends. I have no family. No significant other. I have Makkachin but he is getting really old and I can't even spend time with him because I have to travel so much. After Phichit talked to me about you I watched your past performances as I said, and I was already more than convinced that pursuing this was something I wanted to do. Watching you skate the first night just sealed the deal in my head. I keep getting trophies I see other people dedicating their lives to get and they are becoming empty and meaningless for me. Me breaking another world record..." Victor shook his head. "I already know I'm the best. I don't need constant confirmation. I had to sacrifice so many things for twenty years, just so I can be here and now...There it is. I am already here, I've been here for five years. I want to go somewhere else now."

Yuuri parted his lips. He had never really thought about it this way. All this time he was thinking about how other people would think about Victor quitting. How he thought about Victor quitting. Not what _Victor_ thought about Victor quitting, which was the most important of them all. 

"I wanted to create this...persona when we met. I wanted to seem like I would be the perfect coach and yet...you caught me so off guard Yuuri that I couldn't even begin to do it. I had so many things in my mind that I thought about doing so you would get the feeling that I was a trusty instructor, that I was capable and somewhat strict. That I knew what I was doing and talking about all the time. I tried to play them all out but each time, you made me do things that I didn't plan on doing. You made me...not be able to help myself. I wanted you to see me in a certain way like everyone else but what ended up happening was you...I messed up. I went a little too far each time. I couldn't help acting in certain ways. When you let me show you Eros and didn't stop me which made me go even farther than what was appropriate. When you gave me _lap dance_ when you were drunk. When you confronted me about acting differently after the whole Dominika incident and shouted at my face because it got you so angry. When you outright told me you noticed I was being something I wasn't and you wanted me to just be me instead. When you kissed me last night because I was again too weak to not find an excuse to come close to you."

"Hang on. I did _what_ when I was drunk!?" Yuuri said, unbelieving but Victor ignored it which was probably for the best. 

"I know I act like...I act like this perfect person. Victor Nikiforov the legendary skater, you know? This person that just generated itself naturally. This person who is meant to be perfect. When I started becoming famous, people started assuming things about me of course and I guess I just...rolled with it. I let them believe that was me. I let them believe I was this person who had everything. I am a symbol for them. A face on the poster. A signature. A routine. A medal. A record. I am not a person and that's what I wanted to be to you as well. I thought that would work best. I knew you were a big fan of me for years so what better way to keep you motivated and make you want me to coach you other than being  _Victor fucking Nikiforov?"_

Victor visibly swallowed. He was leaning forward now, feeling more and more genuine as he kept talking. Yuuri was too afraid to say anything until he was sure Victor said everything he wanted to say. He needed to know everything that was coming out of Victor's mouth. Finally, he was hearing some explanation. 

"I feel like I always had clues lying around. You know, if someone really wanted to, they could easily learn about who I really was...who I really am. Even though I didn't want people to know for a while, I still kept doing it. I would say things, do things. It was like I was leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for everyone I spoke with and yet...Nobody seemed to bite. I don't even think it was because they couldn't, they just chose not to. They ignored it, they denied to acknowledge I wasn't who they thought I was. Even if I just acted like myself, they still expected me to be what they saw on television. But you...You put the pieces together so quickly. You didn't even allow me to be something else and it felt... _incredible_."

Victor's voice faltered a little and Yuuri held his breath. He wanted to reach over and touch him but he couldn't dare to interrupt. 

"It wasn't just me...messing up. It was a part of it but you _cared_ enough to notice how I am and wanted me to stay that way. You had the guts to see what was underneath, you had the perspective to notice there was something lying underneath me. You saw my essence and you appreciated it instead of ignoring it. You embraced it and cherished it. Your ability for adoration is something you can transfer to your routines, to your movements, to your rhythm and I can see it. You are a very strong person despite what you think just because of this. You aren't afraid to feel. This is why...it would be an absolute honour for me if you let me be your coach."

The room went completely silent until a whimper escaped Yuuri's lips. Tears were streaming down his cheeks faster than he could hold them back. Yuuri swallowed thickly and rubbed his eyes, feeling a hand on his shoulder. 

"Hey, this is suppose to be my moment. I'm the one who is meant to be crying." Victor said with laughter in his voice. It was obvious that he had also been affected from what he had just said and Yuuri watched him wipe the corner of his eye with his thumb. The Russian's smile didn't falter however. 

Yuuri breathed out shakily, not crying anymore but on the verge of it. He silently picked up his phone from the nightstand and unlocked it. It took him a few seconds to pull up the article and shove the device on the Russian's hand. 

It took Victor a few minutes to read it over and when he did, the smile on his face as he looked at Yuuri's was golden.

"I hope they make him write your Grand Prix Final gold medal article next year." He was smiling too brightly and Yuuri couldn't figure out why.

"Why are you smiling?" Yuuri managed to ask without hiccuping, trying to wipe his wet cheeks with his sleeves, his glasses already off. "I didn't agree to be coached by you yet."

Victor smiled even wider.

"No but you're going to." 

Yuuri closed his eyes. 

* * *

Yuuri moved differently that night.

There was something about Victor believing so deeply in him, something about how Victor kept forcing him to think that there was so much more left inside him to show, so much more he could give.

His future that previously seemed dark and empty to him now was sparkling with newborn light. A previously devoid night sky now scattered with glistening stars and a big, grinning moon that only gleamed for him. 

It was starting to feel like how he felt when he as a kid noticed he could become a professional skater. 

It was a familiar feeling, a feeling that he thought he lost but now was starting to fill with life again. Standing taller. Gaining colour. Becoming beautiful and prominent.

Determination.  

"What do you think they will say about our picture when everyone realises I'm your coach now." 

"Which picture- Oh that one." Yuuri stopped, skating towards his new coach. It was a title that still felt unreal to him. He hadn't even called his old coach to tell him about it yet. Victor was talking about the picture someone had snapped of them late at night when Yuuri was performing his Eros program. 

"I don't know...I didn't really follow up on it. I think Phichit left a very nasty comment under it though, saying you shouldn't invade people's privacies. Which is pretty ironic." Yuuri laughed softly, running a hand in his hair. 

Victor leaned on the rink wall. "When are you planning on calling your old coach?"

Yuuri bit his bottom lip. "I haven't...really thought about it. When are you planning on telling _your_ old coach?"

Victor smiled as Yuuri bit back. "I can call him right now if it will make you feel any better."

Yuuri widened his eyes. "Victor it's three in the morning. You're going to give him a heart attack."

Victor laughed at that, shrugging. "Just tell me you want it and I will tweet it right now. I will update my Facebook. I will put a picture of us on Instagram and hashtag it with "the new coach and his student". I will find a way to change my Wikipedia page just so I can add "Nikiforov is the current coach of Japanese skater Yuuri Katsuki". You just need to say."

Yuuri could feel his cheeks burning. It was almost as if this was a declaration of love, as if Victor was saying to him, "What is it you want, Yuuri? What do you want? You want the moon? Do you want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Yuuri". Yuuri knew it was just about their new partnership, however. 

"I don't think people are ready for that yet. I should first...tell Phichit. Tell my mom. Call up Celestino."

Victor smiled at him knowingly. "I understand. You want to enjoy..." He gestured between them. "This. It's like a secret right now, right? Something only we know. When we tell people...they aren't going to leave us alone about it. I understand."

Yuuri looked at him, a small smile threatening to curl on his lips but managing to pout. "Stop reading me so well..."

Victor grinned in return. "I need to be able to if I want to be a good coach. I need to learn everything about you, right? What you hate, what makes you angry, what drives you crazy, what you fear, what you dream of, what you can't live without, what you think about before you go to sleep and after you wake up, what you like,...what you _love_."

Yuuri stared at him for the longest time. 

At the back of his mind, he was dimly realising all these question had the same exact answer.

But that answer remained on the tip of his tongue, too afraid to jump off.  

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: GUYS THIS IS IMPORTANT. I decided that I would let the commenters help me with the next chapter! How do you think people would react to Vİctor's post about being Yuuri's coach. Leave a comment below pretending to be a person who saw this news (please specify that it's a comment you want to be included in the next chapter) and I will put it in as one of the comments they read in the next chapter! If you want you can also leave an instagram name, if not I will pick one for you (which could be related to your ao3 name or just straight up be that- unless you don't want it that way)
> 
> ~
> 
> Should I be worried that like a month ago me updating one chapter would get me around 800-900 hits in one day and now its like maybe 100 or less? Ahaaaaa.
> 
> But ooooo guys we hit 10k views! This is a fanfic that doesn't have heavy UST or have sex in every chapter or have a very imaginative AU like a soulmate AU- it's also canon divergence so I know the attention will be less on this so I'm still happy about the attention it got! This is still such a milestone in my life :') Thank you for making it happen, you guys are amazing, your response has been magnificent. This basically the length of a teen novel now and people still come back to read it which is just unreal to me. I know the first chapters don't have the same quality as the last ones because they are less serious but I will make sure to go back and keep fixing them when the fic is over. Thanks for overlooking them and keeping on reading. 
> 
> TL;DR: You guys are wonderful and you mean everything to me. 
> 
> ~
> 
> GUYS HOW DOES CELESTINO TALK I D O N T K N O W. I GUESS THIS IS HOW NOW.
> 
> also
> 
> dudES HAVE YOU REALISED THAT "THE KING AND THE SKATER" IS A MOVIE ABOUT ICE SKATING AND ----TRADING CARDS--- WHA T THE HECKKK??

Yuuri was sitting on the bed for about ten minutes now with his fingers curled around his phone. Celestino had already gone back to Detroit little over a week ago so he would have to call him in a good time. Currently it was 3 PM in Sochi meaning it was 7 AM in Detroit. He was sure Celestino was already awake and even though Yuuri wanted to wait a little longer he couldn't wait for the feeling in his stomach to stop and his heart to go back to it's normal beating rhythm. 

He didn't know how Celestino was going to react to this news but he hoped it wouldn't be too hard to do this. For a moment he thought Celestino would be angry with him- but then he realised he was a twenty three year old grown man who should be able to make his own decisions. If he said he had decided that he didn't want Celestino to coach him anymore, it wasn't like he would force him to do it instead. 

That wasn't the problem, the problem was that Yuuri didn't want to change his mind, not again. He just wanted to go through with it already him so this became real, so he didn't need to think about if it was the right decision or not. Victor had never coached before, not really and just because someone was a good skater didn't mean they were a good coach even though they obviously knew a lot about it. 

Taking a deep breath, he pressed the call button, feeling the tension rise in his body. He felt like he was about to enter an important exam.

It rang about seven times before Celestino picked up and during that time Yuuri played over and over again in his mind what he could say to him. Would he just open up with it? Did he have to ask how he was first? Wait, of course he did. Otherwise it would be rude, right? And even after they talked about it, how would he react? Did he think Victor would be a good coac-

"Hey Yuuri. How is it going?"

"Hi Celestino...Uh, I'm still in Sochi."

"Yeah, I know. I was meaning to call you about that actually but figured I'd let you rest for a bit. Though...it seems like you're having a lot of fun over there, huh? Phichit showed me your picture with Victor. I heard the story behind it as well. Who would have thought, right?"

Yuuri pressed his lips together. Was there anyone on earth who hadn't seen that picture yet? It was still a blessing that no one had found out where they were exactly, more of a blessing that Phichit hadn't exposed it either. "I know...I still have trouble believing it's not a dream. We have been...spending a lot of time together actually." He breathed out. Yuuri needed to do this before his body broke into half from the tension that accumulated through it. 

He swallowed hard, fingers curling around his thumb tightly. _Just get it over with Katsuki._

"...Celestino. I-I think we had a great partnership up until now but I think it's a good idea for both of us if we decided to maybe thought about how it's going and-"

"Yuuri." Celestino sounded so calm and even slightly amused about the whole thing. "Are you breaking up with me?" The Japanese skater heard a loud chuckle that made him have to pull away from the phone for a second. 

"I-...Yes." The Japanese skater blurted out once Celestino was done laughing. It seemed like he was taking it well which was comforting to know.

"So...Is this about what's going on between Mr. Legendary Skater and you? Don't tell me he decided to coach you this season." There was more laughing but it cut shortly right after Yuuri's next words.

"How did you know?" The younger man asked, widening his eyes. Was it that obvious? Did everyone already know? If Yuuri opened his social media was it going to be littered with comments about it? 

" _Wait_ -...Yuuri, are you being _serious?_ "

Yuuri swallowed. Shit, Celestino had been joking and Yuuri had been too nervous to notice it. Well, it wasn't that bad, he figured. He had to learn eventually and if it was going to be like this, it wasn't so bad. "I am actually. He asked me two days ago and we finalised it yesterday." 

Yuuri looked down at his empty hand, tucking it under his upper thigh before he spoke again. "Are you...upset with me? Because I didn't talk with your beforehand or something like that. This all happened so quickly that I still have trouble believing it myself."

Celestino let out a huge chuckle again in a way that was so relaxing to him. "Upset? Yuuri, your childhood idol who happens to be a legend in the skating industry wants to be your coach. Don't let me stand in your way."

Yuuri let out a huge breath, he was silent for a few seconds. This was really happening. He had just broke things off with his old coach. His coach was now officially Victor Nikiforov. "...He says I can win gold in the Grand Prix next season."

Yuuri could hear Celestino's smile easily from his words. "Maybe that's what you needed, huh? You won't believe me when I say that but seems like you're believing him." 

Yuri pushed his glasses back, closing his eyes. Celestino was always adamant about him needing to have more confidence and he had to admit it but he felt more confident than ever right now even though it clearly wasn't in the level Celestino wanted it to be yet. 

"Anything else you wanted to say? I need to be going soon."

"Yes. We haven't announced it officially yet or anything. It'd be nice if you didn't tell anyone before we did. You know, it's going to be a big deal."

Celestino laughed. "You can trust me on that. Believe it or not, I know how this stuff works."

Yuuri winced softly. "Oh, right." Of course he did, Celestino had been coaching for more than ten years. He knew this industry inside and out. His old coach seemed to be understanding however. 

"Anyway, I really have to be going now. Let me see you on that podium next season kid, alright?"

Yuuri felt something swell in his chest and his lips curled into a relaxed but determined smile. The tension in his body was steadily vanishing and leaving its place to something that made Yuuri want to already go back on the ice.

"Alright."

* * *

The conversation between him and his mother was much easier. She seemed happy about but it wasn't as if she actually understood how big this news was, it had taken a few minutes just for her to remember who Victor Nikiforov was. Though of course, she was always happy about anything that made Yuuri happy and didn't hesitate to support him.

Now it was time for the last phone call. 

It took one ring for Phichit to pick up Facetime, which was expected.

It was comforting to see the familiar face of his best friend with a big smile on it as usual. 

"Yuuri! So happy you called. I'm sorry we couldn't talk again. My cousin is getting married and there's _soooo_ much going on right now." He rolled his eyes.   

"That's okay. I've been really busy anyway. These last few days have been..." Yuuri shook his head. "Unbelievable, really."

"I can only imagine. Oh my god Yuuri, please tell me _everything_. How has it been going? Did you call me to thank me again for making this happen?" He laughed.

"Actually...yes." Yuuri replied, smiling. "I have some news for you."

"Oooooooh, quick quick, tell me." Yuuri replied, putting his gossip face on.

"Are you ready for this?" Yuuri teased with a smirk.

Phichit groaned. " _Yuuri_ , just tell me already!"

Yuuri pushed his glasses back and looked away before he nodded. "Okay. Victor decided that he is going to quit skating."

Phichit's face was covered with shock in an instant. " _Oh my god Yuuri._ I'm so sorry. I can't believe this is happening. You must be _so_ upset right now..." Phichit blinked dumbly at his best friend's face, which was supporting a soft smile instead of a look of devastation. " Yuuri...why aren't you upset right now? Your skating idol just quit skating and you are smiling at me. Are you okay? Oh god. Are you in shock? Do you need medical attention because I can call someone in Sochi-"

Yuuri tried his hardest not to beam. "He...decided to be a coach this season instead."

"Coach...?" Phichit looked at him with his jaw on the floor.  "Shut up. _..._ No way....This is _such_ big news." Phichit looked away dreamily. "Wow. I wonder who he's going to pick to coach. They'll mop the ice with everyone else this season _for sure_. Everyone is going to be jumping through hoops to be picked."

Yuuri looked away, trying to seem innocent but a smile remaining on his lips.

Phichit placed his hand over his mouth for a second, realising what actually was happening. "Wait a second. Your face _..."_ Phichit lowered his eyebrows.  "Yuuri _."_  

The Japanese skater couldn't help but widen his smile, it was getting hard to not burst into a grin. 

"Do _not_ tell me he is going to be-" Phichit made a high pitched noise. "... _Yuuri!!!_ "

Yuuri couldn't hold his expression back anymore. "I already broke things off with Celestino."

The squeal that came from Phichit was far from any sound a human could make. He was smiling wider than he had ever seen him smile and the camera was shaking from his erratic movements. His face was steadily becoming red with excitement too and Yuuri couldn't help but feel incredibly glad that his best friend was sharing his happiness.  

" _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god._ If I knew this was going to happen... _Oh my god._ " 

"Phichit, I know you can't exactly keep a secret but please, it's really important that you don't tell this to anyone before we do." 

Phichit opened his mouth wide, having an exaggerated expression of being heavily insulted. "I'm shocked and appalled, Yuuri. _Of course_ I can keep a secret!"

Yuuri looked at him with an expression that clearly showed the Thai skater he didn't believe him. 

Phichit rolled his eyes. "It was _one time._ "

"One time? _One time!?_ Phichit, for a while your Twitter was filled with constant updates about what I was doing on a daily basis. You have _multiple_ vines of me drooling in my sleep. Once you had a picture of me _in a bathtub_ on Instagram."

Phichit looked away. "I already apologised for that one."

Yuuri sighed. He knew this was just how Phichit was and he was still his best friend no matter what. "Whatever, just don't tell anyone okay?" 

Phichit nodded seriously. "I promise on our friendship Yuuri. If I break my promise, let me never be Thailand's future."

That promise was enough. The Japanese knew his best friend valued both of those things very highly. 

Phichit squealed again. "I can't wait to see how you'll do this season. It's going to be so cool. We're going to skate together. I promise, I'm going to beat you in at least one competition! Even though you'll probably end up break a world record later or something."

"Me? No way." Yuuri's lips curled into a smile for a short while before his face changed.  "Phichit." The Japanese skater uttered quietly, finding his friend's eyes on the screen. His face was now covered in an obvious blush with the thought about what he was about to say.

Phichit blinked at him then squinted. "Is there more? I don't think my heart can handle any more but...you know I can't _not_ hear it. Tell me and don't you dare tease me again with it."  

"Okay, okay...But don't freak out please and do _not_ tell anyone. I'm so serious about this." He cleared his throat afterwards, taking a deep breath. "It's nothing really...we haven't talked about it or anything like that either and it wasn't...completely serious...I think." Yuuri bit his bottom lip for a second. "Me and Victor..."

Phichit tilted his head to the side, expecting his friend to go on. He could see how much his friend was on edge. Phichit was going to be the first one apart from them to know this and maybe this wasn't a good idea but Yuuri was absolutely going to  _burst_ if he didn't tell anyone. Besides if anyone deserved to know, it was his best friend. 

"We..." Yuuri swallowed thickly. "We..." Yuuri took in a deep breath, unable to finish his sentence again.

"Yuuri!" Phichit whined, obviously getting impatient. 

"We kissed two days ago."

He was sure the sound that came out of his phone caused permanent damage to its speakers.

* * *

Yuuri skated towards Victor silently, wiping the sweat away from his forehead. He had just skated his Yuri on Ice program five times in a row and was incredibly out of breath because of it. Despite his incredible stamina he could already feel the insistent ache of his leg muscles. Victor definitely wasn't kidding when he had said training would break him- but it was too early to be broken. Yuuri couldn't dream about whining. He needed to keep his shape despite the fact that the new season was going to start in the fall. He was quite infamous for gaining weight between season and this time he couldn't afford to experience something of the sort.

"You went into the spin very cleanly though I think your Quads can still use a lot of work."

Yuuri breathed out, opening the rink door and reaching for his bag. He took out his water bottle and took a few long gulps before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I know." He was very much aware that he need to be able to nail all the jumps if I wanted to win.

"But that's not a problem." Victor smiled widely. "I'm going to work you like you've never been worked before. By the time we are done, you are going to be doing Quads in your sleep."

Yuuri looked at him with a soft smile. "I highly doubt that Victor."

"Nonsense." Victor replied as he walked up to Yuuri. The Japanese skater couldn't see him but he could hear the footsteps approaching from his back. Suddenly he felt a warm set of arms wrap around his middle. A chin placed itself on his shoulder. Yuuri looked forward, trying to hide his expression. It was still weird that Victor was touching him so much and so frequently but now he was sort of getting used to it. 

"You're going to be great. You think I would put my name on something that would make me look bad?" He joked with a smirk, his face now tucked into the crook of Yuuri's neck. It made him look away. Now that the whole coach deal was solved, there was a bigger issue at hand. 

It was so hard to understand what Victor was doing meant since he had no references to compare. For all he knew, Victor could be doing this to everyone. Touching, hugging, kissing, _stroking_ \- Okay. Maybe not. 

With a newfound courage, Yuuri gently placed his arms over Victor's. This gesture earned him a sigh in his ear and the arms around him tightening, pulling The Japanese skater to The Russian skater's chest. For a quick second, he felt something on his neck and if he didn't know any better, he could have sworn it was a soft kiss. 

"Victor..." Yuuri breathed out, looking down at the ground. It was a little hard to keep his balance with his skates still on, though Victor also had his on and he seemed to be doing a remarkable job keeping both of them upright. 

"Hm." The hum against his ear threatened to make him shiver. It felt so warm to be against Victor and it wasn't because of sharing body heat. It was something else entirely that enveloped his entire body and Yuuri was hard-pressed to ignore the only answer why his mind was providing him with even if it was as clear as day to him now. 

He wished. He wished he could have this...just _this_. This feeling. Being here in Victor's arms, street lights in the distance, gentle snow falling on them, the knowledge of the fact that he was going to see Victor everyday for a long time etched in his mind. Just bottle this moment and live it over and over again. For the rest of his life. If this was a show, Yuuri would want it to end here. 

But life didn't work like that. Time never stopped for anyone- and for the first time in his life Yuuri felt like that was okay. Anything else, going forward, going back, going sideways for that matter, they were all intimidating thoughts but Yuuri wasn't _scared_ of it anymore.

For the first time in his twenty three year life, Yuuri _felt_ like he had someone to turn to. He always had people to talk to before like Phichit, Celestino, even his mother, father and sister but he had never really...allowed any of them to help him. His problems were always his problems and he would hear whatever they said through a veil. 

This time however...making those calls in the morning, every word, every motion, every intention went straight into his heart and he was slowly learning that that was okay. He was learning that he could _expect_ support. He didn't have to deal with everything on his own. His happiness, his sadness, his anger, he had shared all his feelings with others this past week and a half. Life didn't quite feel like he was going through a quicksand trying desperately to climb onto the branch of a nearby tree anymore. It was feeling like everything was getting clearer, vivid, more colourful, like the moment you put your glasses on after having the lenses changed. 

He had been so lucky. Mari taking him to the rink. Yuuko never getting tired of watching him practice. His family's patience with no end in sight to their supporting. Phichit not giving up on trying to get to know him despite how shy he had been when they first met. Celestino never giving up on him, not even making him ever feel a drop of disappointment. 

Yuuri hadn't completely made it in the skating world yet but he had made _something-_ and despite remembering that he had done it all alone like before, now he was starting to remember everyone. It was like tiny holes in his mind were starting to fill with delightful memories.

Everyone had been so wonderful to him. His sister. Yuuko. His mother and father. Phichit. Celestino. Victor. 

 _Victor_. 

If Yuuri's heart had hands, they would have never let Victor leave. 

Yuuri tightened his fingers around Victor's hands.

"Let me do the routine one more time."

* * *

"So, what do you think? Facebook, Twitter or Instagram?" Yuuri let out, untying his skates. 

Victor pursed his lips. "I don't think it should be Facebook. Maybe Instagram. It's the best option since we can put a picture as well."  

Yuuri shrugged. "You can do that on Twitter too, right?" 

Victor hummed. "You can, but it's different."

Yuuri lowered his eyebrows, pulling out one of his skates. "How is it different?"

Victor sighed.  "It is. It really is. This is something that's...I feel like it would be more intimate this way. Facebook is for news. Twitter is to share opinions and feelings with one or two sentences. But Instagram is something for you to show your everyday life. I want this to be something that's a part of that, not just some cold piece of news or something I explain quickly in two sentences right under a post about something that is meaningless to me." Victor finished tying his shoes and straightened his back, his fingers finding their way to Yuuri's chin. It's a featherlight touch and yet Yuuri could feel it through his whole body. The sensation does manage to stop him from putting his shoe on and made him face Victor for a moment before he looked away. 

"I don't want to make an official announcement. That will be perceived as me saying " _Look at me, I'm a coach now._ " This isn't about me." His sparkling blue eyes met Yuuri's finally. "This isn't about _my_ new beginning, it's about _yours_. I don't even think I should be in the picture. I don't want the focus to be anywhere but on you."

Yuuri was blushing by the end of Victor's little speech, looking up at him from under his eyelashes. "Are you sure Victor?" He asked silently, his eyes moving up to meet the Russian man's. 

"Yes, I think I already know how I'm going to make the post and-"

"No." Yuuri cut him off, leaning into his touch. "Are you sure about this? All of this." His voice went quiet. "This is the last moment you can back out. I would never forgive myself if I'm dragging you into something you have doubts about. Are you absolutely sure you want to coach me?"

Victor's fingers tightened around his jaw. His face supported a very private and intimate smile and for some reason Yuuri just knew this smile was meant just for him to see. It made his lips tremble slightly. He could feel the heat of the Russian's face now as he was being pulled forward. 

"I've never been so sure in my entire life." Victor whispered to his lips, just shy of making them connect. Yuuri closed his eyes, his hand finding its way on Victor's collar. Right when he was expecting the warmth to drown him as their lips met a gagging noise was heard from somewhere very close. They both looked over at the general direction of where it come from. 

Yuri Plisetsky was looking at them with his arms crossed, an angry expression prominent on his face as always. " _Gross_. What are you two doing?"

Much to Yuuri's dismay and pain, Victor pulled back slowly and smiled over at the shorter Russian as if nothing had been happening. "Oh Yurio! Where did you come from? Isn't it past your bedtime already?" 

Yuri looked at him like he was stupid. "What the fuck did you just call me, old man?"

Victor smiled only wider. "Yurio. We decided that since both of you are called Yuri, we would call you Yurio so things won't get too confusing." 

Yuuri wished that the ground would split open and swallow him whole. It had just been something stupid he said when he was drunk and Yuri definitely looked like he was about to kill them both- as he usually did. 

Yuri's face settled on a disgusted expression. "What the fuck? Why isn't _he_ called Yurio then?"

Victor tilted his head to the side, pushing his fringe away. "Well it was _his_ idea, so of course _he_ isn't going to be called Yurio."

"That's fucking stupid. Don't fucking call me Yurio." Yuri pointed at both of them. 

Victor sighed and looked away for a second. It seemed to Yuuri that even for a moment, Victor had experienced the same disappointment he had when they were interrupted which was a relieving feeling. 

"Whatever." Yuri wasn't shouting now for a change, though his voice still carried an infinitely annoyed tone. "I heard from Yakov that you're coaching this moron now. I came her to say I'm going to kill you if you don't hold your promise."

"And what was that promise again?" Victor asked, the expression on his face showing confusion. 

Yuri clenched his teeth. "That you're going to choreograph my fucking senior debut routine!" He pointed at Victor angrily. "How can you keep fucking forgetting it? It's not that hard to remember."

"Oh right!" Victor laughed, putting a hand behind his head. "Of course. I think I just have just the choreography for you. I can show it to you tomorrow if you like."

Yuri shrugged. "Sure, whatever. Just don't fucking forget it again, okay?"

Victor got up on his feet, clapping his hands together once. "I have a great idea. Why don't we rent a rink tomorrow and I'll show you your routine. Yuuri can come too."

Yuri huffed out. "Why does _he_ have to come?" 

"Because Yurio, your routine is sort of connected to a routine I just taught Yuuri last week. He can perform that one for you. It'll make it easier for you to understand the feeling of your own program. The music of yours is a different arrangement of the music of Yuuri's."

"That's not my goddamn name!" Yuri shouted. "Whatever, just don't do..." He gestured vaguely between them. "That shit instead of teaching me the routine. We won't have all day, you know."

Yuuri could might as well be a beet right now but Victor didn't seem affected at all. "I'll try my best for sure. What about you Yuuri?" He uttered as he stroked the corner of his lips with his thumb. 

"I-.." Yuuri got up, not noticing he doesn't have his shoes on yet- and if he did not caring about it. "We need to clean the ice before we leave, right? I'll get the...stuff."

Victor watched Yuuri walk on the wet floor with his socks on for a few moments before turning his gaze to Yuri once more. 

"Were you watching him skate?"

Yuri turned his gaze away, his expression annoyed. "So what if I was? You don't own this rink. I can look at whatever I want."

Victor smiled, looking back over at the direction Yuuri went. "You see it too, don't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Victor tilted his head to the side as he met Yuri's green eyes, raising his eyebrows unbelievingly. 

Yuri looked into the other Russian's face for a few seconds, his expression going a little softer. He let the silence drag on for a few seconds before he crossed his arms and looked away once more.

"Whatever."

* * *

_** I'm picking you up at 1 PM tomorrow btw. Bring your skates and a change of clothes. ** _

_** -Victor~04:23 AM ** _

 

_** Okay. The post is ready. I just want you to promise me one thing. You won't look at comments or respond to anyone asking you/talking to you about it (since I'm assuming anyone who is worth knowing before finding it out this way already knows at this point) until after practice tomorrow night. We will look at the reactions together. No peeking. ** _

_**-Victor~ 04:26 AM** _

 

_**Here it goes.** _

_**-Victor~04:27 AM** _

 

_**I posted it. Your Instagram is so boring btw. I'm going to make sure to fix that soon. Now that I'm your coach, can I also be your social media manager?** _

_**-Victor~ 04:28 AM** _

 

_**Yuuri did you know you have fan pages on Facebook created by your actual fans? I think it's because it's nearly 5 AM but I liked all of them I could find and I searched for a good fifteen minutes.** _

_** _**-Victor~ 04:48 AM** _ ** _

 

_**Yuuri. The social media manager thing was sort of a joke but now that I've seen your Twitter I'm actually serious.** _

_**-Victor~ 04:52 AM** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You like this? Hate this? Let me know in the comments below!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Y'all ready for this? Dununu du du du du du du du--_
> 
> oh my god guys what have I done ;;;;;;  
>    
> well...
> 
> THE MOMENT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING(?) FOR
> 
> IT IS FINALLY UPON US
> 
> Consider this a little gift for reading this far into my little story and also a little something something for everyone who contributed to this chapter by leaving social media comments to be included in it.
> 
> I'm sorry I made you wait guys, this took a big long to write because apparently I can't not write this super detailed....hope it was worth it though ;)
> 
> I'm actually not sure if this chapter is shit or a masterpiece. It's a monster alright though, it's pretty long aaa--
> 
> ~
> 
> Guys I'm going to England to visit my boyfriend on monday for a week, so the next chapter won't come out for a little while I think. I'm sorry! I'll get right back on writing when I return!

Yuuri felt surprisingly calm as bent his his arm over his head to stretch it, even though he could definitely feel the emerald eyes of the young Russian on him. He was about to perform his Eros routine for Yuri like Victor had asked and it was intimidating for sure, but much less than before- the usual fear had replaced itself with something else. 

He had a second chance now. He had the chance to do even better and get a reaction out of Victor with his Eros that he couldn't exactly get before since Victor at the time had been too preoccupied with other feelings. Yuuri was fuelled by this kiss they shared, he was fuelled by the warm touches of Victor, his flirtatious words, his expressions. If he could make Victor feel half as crazy about him as he felt about Victor with his dancing, it would have been an incredible triumph. 

Maybe it was selfish and wrong for Yuuri to want thing to move along but he undeniably did, even though he found it a bit scary. There was no reason for things to go the way he wanted them to. Victor hadn't exactly talked about what he felt towards him, he hadn't confirmed anything and still Yuuri was unable to ignore what was going between them anymore. Somethings were left unsaid. Somethings were left undone. Somethings were interrupted. And...all those were only partly Victor's fault.

Out of the ice, unless he absolutely couldn't help himself, Yuuri couldn't do anything too drastic. He couldn't touch Victor randomly like he did to him, he couldn't get close to his face and let his lips drip with sweet and velvety words that made the other blush, he couldn't make a detailed speech to Victor about what he meant to him. 

Yuuri knew how to show his feelings. He did. It was just not in the conventional way. Yuuri showed his feelings on the ice, with his body, with his motions, with his face. It was the way he did it best. Perhaps that's why he had felt so angry when Victor hadn't reacted well enough for his first Eros performance. It was him baring his heart and soul, showing how his body wanted Victor even though he had a hard time accepting that at the time and the return he got was...disappointing. Victor had remedied it later but it had been more of a fight than anything. 

Yuuri breathed out as he switched arms. They were in an Olympic sized rink that Victor somehow ended up reserving for them. It made sense that it was empty since it was off season but then again, these rinks would usually also be reserved by hockey teams and so on as well.

It was sort of nice that they could be inside and not out in the cold Russian night while skating for once. Yuuri ran his eyes on the empty seats surrounding the rink and even as his mind flashbacked to the last competition he was in he didn't feel the sickness that he thought he would feel.  

It was always hauntingly beautiful to see an empty rink surrounded by empty seats after a big competition. It really changed your perspective on things. 

As Yuuri reached for his water bottle, he met Yuri's eyes. The blond had his earphones in so there was no use trying to talk to him. He didn't seem to be too happy about Victor's choice of music for him if the expression on his face was any indication. This time though Yuri didn't break the eye contact and kept walking towards him. Half of his face was covered with his hair so Yuuri could only see one of his bright green eyes under his tiger printed hoodie. 

"You're fucking lucky. The music he gave me sucks." Yuri uttered after stopping his music. 

Yuuri frowned, lowering his arm. "...I thought it was quite beautiful actually." 

Yuri rolled his eyes with a huff, as if Yuuri was completely missing the point for the umpteenth time. "Yeah exactly, you moron. _You_ can skate to this because you think it's beautiful. This music doesn't make me feel shit. I would do so much better with the other one. At least I can fucking understand that one."

Yuuri couldn't help but remember how he had felt something similar when he first heard his own piece. It had felt so out of character for him to dance to it at first and yet every time he did the routine it clicked more and more until he could start feeling like the routine was his own.  

"Whatever, what's the connection between my music and yours anyway? Yours is like some spicy Spanish dance music, mine is a little boy singing in Latin. It doesn't make fucking sense." Yuri's annoyance was present as always, making the tone of his voice more cutting.

Yuuri shrugged. "I hadn't even heard the other arrangement before I already performed my routine for Victor. I guess they represent the same thing...but in a different way."

"Oh, let me guess. Love?" Yuri made an irritated expression. "God, that cheesy son a bitch. He just _needs_ to pull something out of his ass every time. I don't where he pulled out these two from. They don't even sound fucking similar."

"You know..." Yuuri began as he approached Yuri. He wasn't as scared of him as before so he didn't hesitate too much to extend his hand for the phone. "I thought the same the first time but...just let me show you." 

Yuri looked at him weird for a few seconds before he rolled his eyes and pushed his phone on Yuuri's palm, the earphones still in his ears. "Just be quick and don't you fucking go on an another app."

Yuuri lowered his face to the phone and nodded once before he spoke softly. "Pay attention to the notes, keep them in your mind." The Japanese played fifteen seconds of Eros followed by fifteen seconds of Agape, watching the expression on the other's face. "Did you realise?...The starting first ten notes or so...they are actually the same." 

Yuri frowned, taking his phone away from Yuuri like he was making it dirty. The blond then went quiet for a few seconds, obviously playing the notes on his head before he looked away. "Yeah whatever. I guess so." He mumbled in his mouth, turning away from him. 

Yuuri was pretty much done with his stretching when Victor entered the rink once more. "I figured out how to use the rink speakers. You won't have to skate with my speakers this time."

Yuri pulled out his earphones and angrily walked to the other Russian.

"Victor this is so unfair. I could skate to his music much better than the stupid church music bullshit you picked for me!"

"I'll explain it after he does his routine, alright?" Victor said, though only barely looking at his direction. 

He moved to Yuuri, who was now tying up his skates. Sitting next to him on the bench, he smiled softly. "Are you ready?"

Yuuri gave him a firm nod as he started trying his other skate. 

"You remember the routine well? Warmed up properly? Are hydrated? Not hungry but not too full to perform?"

Yuuri raised his eyebrows, looking up at Victor with a questioning gaze. "I'm good."

"Alright." Victor said before he pressed his lips together. "Good." 

Yuuri decided to ignore his coach's weird behaviour as he got on his feet. He only saw Victor get up after he had stepped on the ice. Yuuri waited for his coach to approach him, the coldness of the rink under him making him feel a little more awake and aware. 

Victor placed his hands on Yuuri's cheeks before he pulled him a little closer, a playful smile on his face. "Seduce me." He whispered before he pulled back and looked over at the other skater.

"Yurio, can you press the play button on the wall over there?"

"I would rather press my fist on your face if you don't stop calling me that." Even though after he said that, Yuri walked towards the wall. 

_Eros, Eros, Eros._

All he could think about as the music started was the fact that Victor was _his and no one else's._

If Victor wanted to be seduced, if that was what it was going to take for Victor to make another move, then Yuuri was going to do it so well that Victor would lose his mind.

* * *

Before Yuuri was quite aware of what had happened, he had already finished his routine. It hadn't been flawless, his quad Salchow was still not coming off well enough but the weird expression on Victor's face was telling him he had done something terribly wrong or terribly right. 

Right as Yuuri stepped off the ice, Victor gripped his wrist, pulling him along. Yuuri did his best to not fall down, Victor seemed eager about something but he couldn't quite tell what.

"Huh? Where the fuck are you going!?" Yuri shouted as he lowered his eyebrows. "Aren't you going to show me my program now?"

Victor was already pulling Yuuri from his wrist away from the rink at mach speed. "Of course I will. I just need to talk to Yuuri about his program very quickly."

Yuri raised his arms in anger. "And you need to go somewhere else for it? What the fuck, why can't you just do it here?" 

Victor looked over at Yuri. "That would be revealing our secrets, right Yurio? You'll be competing together this season. You haven't warmed up yet anyway, have you? I can't have you on the ice before you stretch."

The annoyed groan quickly disappeared into the background as they got away.

Yuuri felt a little nervous as he was pulled to the locker room- but he felt like he needed to get used to being criticised by Victor now that he was his coach. Victor's fingers tightened around his wrist. "Hang on Victor, slow down. Where are we going?" Yuuri tried his best not to stumble as Victor only quickened his pace once they were inside, heading for the bathroom door. The Japanese was still in his skates and was glad, if not a bit surprised to find the bathroom tiles also covered with a protective rug that prevented slipping along with the locker room.

"Is this about my quadruple Salchow? I think if I work a little more on it I can land it more consisten-"

Yuuri's words were cut off by Victor pulling him forward suddenly, pressing their lips together in a bruising kiss that lacked nothing in passion despite its chasteness. It took a moment for Yuuri to find his balance again, having to put one of his hands on Victor's shoulder. He felt Victor's fingers dig into the palm of his other hand which was still in his grip, feeling the pressure of the Russian's fingernails pressing into his skin. Victor was obviously and desperately trying to hold himself back. He however managed to pull back quite shortly, releasing the grip he had on his hand.  

"I apologise Yuuri." His voice came out a little hoarse. He laughed. 

So it had worked. He had _seduced_ Victor Nikiforov. Even if it had been just a little kiss he wanted.

"I know last night I promised Yuri not to do this here but you really left me no choice. I'm only human. Your Eros...it was enough to impregnate a man."

Right at that moment something inside Yuuri snapped. 

Unable to even realise the action he was about to perform Yuuri backed Victor towards the nearest wall without letting either of them think for too long about what was happening. Even on his skates, Yuuri had managed to do this motion fluidly. When their lips met again it was wet and messy and _god_ , Yuuri's body was pushing back for once instead of being reduced to a slobbering mess and it felt _so_ sinfully good to feel Victor Nikiforov tremble under him even for a short second.   

The Russian was panting when they pulled apart. Their faces still remained incredibly close since their height was about the same now and Yuuri could clearly see the slight redness of Victor's cheeks- a wonderful victory standing out by contrasting with the rest of his skin that was snowy and perfect. Oh god, he had done that, he had pushed Victor to a wall, he had... 

He swallowed thickly, trying to force himself to think. The tension between them was so thick in the air that it was dizzying. "Victor." Yuuri curled his fingers into fists, keeping them on his sides. He wanted more, he wanted so much more but he didn't know where he would stop if he kept going. They needed to get out of here. 

His moment of clarity was quickly lost as he felt a warm hand grabbing his jaw, long fingers extending up to his cheeks. It was as if the touch sucked it out of him instantly. The fingers pushed into the sides of his face near his lips, making Yuuri open his mouth slightly. Victor's eyes were on it, on his mouth and it made Yuuri feel deliciously exposed even if it was just his mouth being open.

There was a soft whisper of words, words that were meant to be spoken loudly. Just the fact that they weren't, the fact that they were so true that the one who spoke them couldn't even gather himself enough to speak them without just a slight tremor to his voice...

"You are driving me crazy."  

Yuuri _ached_ all over. 

Nothing could have readied him for the wet heat of Victor's open mouth meeting his right afterwards, multiplying the sensation by a tenfold. Yuuri met the Russian skater's tongue with so much ease that it hurt to realise how much control he had lost over his own body. Victor's mouth didn't taste like anything special and yet Yuuri was drunk on it in a million ways. Their mouths slid together, connecting like long lost puzzles pieces. 

When Yuuri realised he couldn't not breathe properly anymore without finding himself blacked out on the floor, he pulled away. His lips felt cold and wet and alone even after a second of departure.  In the back of his mind it registered that for one achingly beautiful moment Victor had followed his lips with his own without noticing he was doing so. Yuuri was _so_ gone. Apparently this small gesture of want, this little hint of how lost Victor had been in their kiss, that alone was enough to make Yuuri as hard as diamonds. All he could do was put his forehead on the man that was causing all of this, his eyes clenched shut, his breath refusing to turn back to normal. He could hear his heart beat in so loudly that it made him disoriented.

"Was I your first kiss?" A breathy voice spoke above him. "When we kissed before. Was that your first?"

Yuuri swallowed, running his tongue on his lips that were slick with saliva. "First kiss worth mentioning." 

He didn't have to look to know Victor was smiling. 

"We should really go back outside before Yurio kills us both but I...have a tiny problem." The same breathy voice spoke. Did he mean...? It made Yuuri pull back slightly and look at him in the face and-

_Fuck_. 

The sight of Victor tightened the knot that resided low in his guts. The Russian had his head leaned back to the wall, looking at him through half lidded eyes and impossibly long lashes. His face was the definition of the word _lewd_ , lips looking undeniably reddened by kisses. _His_ kisses. 

With all the courage he could muster, Yuuri looked down, marvelling at the tent in Victor's grey sweatpants. At the glorious moment his hesitant fingers started to stroke down along Victor's clothed but swollen length, he heard a Victor who hadn't expected Yuuri to do that in the slightest let out an unguarded moan. The sound went straight to Yuuri's balls, letting him now be slightly aware of the fact that the tip of his own length was now brushing teasingly against a wet spot it had created on his underwear. He knew that whether he liked it or not, the sound he just heard was going to be etched in his mind until the day he died. 

When his fingers reached the end of Victor's cock, Yuuri realised the problem actually wasn't _tiny_ at all. 

"I thought about what I did to you so many times. That first night on the ice." Victor uttered while taking in a breath. "I wasn't going to do it. I really was not. I just meant to come close to your face with my own and let you feel like you wanted to kiss me, just so you could put the feeling to your program but then you made a face..." 

Victor's nimble fingers had found their way between Yuuri's thighs, cupping his entire length before Yuuri could think to protest. Upon feeling the press of the end of Victor's palm on the tip of his length, he absolutely whimpered, almost losing his balance. The sound he had made was so embarrassing to him that he quickly slapped his mouth over his hand.

"Yes." Victor smirked. "It was that face exactly." 

Yuuri looked away, feeling the burn on his cheeks. Even though Victor had done this before he had touched him, it still felt as exciting as the first time. The last time had felt like a dream, like a fantasy. This was more real, it was mutual, it wasn't something that was just happening to him, he was doing it also. 

Yuuri watched Victor's gaze, which was on his own had currently residing right between the Japanese skater's legs.

The fingers on Victor's other hand hooked on the waistband of his sweatpants.

"Yuuri...Tell me to stop." He spoke as he leaned in, brushing his lips on a spot right behind the other male's ear. "I know I didn't give you much of a choice before and I've been feeling bad about it. Did I force myself onto you?" 

Yuuri breathed out shakily. "But I-...I finished so quickly. Why do you think..."

"That doesn't mean anything Yuuri. It was wrong of me to do that. I was selfish. I only learned about your boundary issues later and I know you didn't push me away but that still doesn't mean I wasn't out of line." Victor pulled back to look deep into his eyes. In the midst of arousal, Yuuri could spot the seriousness of his voice. "How long you lasted, the fact that you didn't explicitly tell me to stop....that doesn't mean you wanted me to touch you in the middle of a very public rink when we barely knew each other. Please..." Victor pressed his lips together for a long moment. "Please, tell me if you want this or not. I promise if you don't, I will leave. If you do...I'm going to touch you again."

Yuuri's chest felt tight. He couldn't believe Victor was here, looking like that, begging him to just tell him if he wanted him or not. Even though his desire towards Victor had been blurry then, it wasn't now. His body obviously desired the tall Russian man with every molecule it was made out of and his mind had finally accepted that as well.

"I want this." 

Victor looked relieved and yet wound up even tighter- perhaps letting himself feel arousal once more. The fingers hooked on his sweatpants were tugging down now, making Yuuri's breathing go short. It wasn't long before his sweatpants were around his thighs and his black boxers perfectly hugging his hips were exposed. Right in the middle, Yuuri's length was tenting forward with a very noticeable wet spot right on top, like the cherry on a sundae. Victor didn't hesitate a moment before he pressed his finger right on it, making Yuuri release a shaky breath. 

Victor held onto his shoulders as he made them switch positions, making Yuuri's back hitting the wall with a soft thud. Their eyes met and Yuuri could only watch as a smirk formed on the Russian's lips. It made him think Victor was up to no good.

And when a moment later he found his coach on his knees in front of him, he _knew_  Victor was up to no good. 

Victor didn't seem shy at all about this. He didn't hesitate once before he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his tip before he ran his warm tongue over the wet spot. Yuuri had to bite one of his hands to not make a sound as the other settled itself on the silver locks, trying not to pull too hard. 

Even in his wildest fantasies, he never could have imagined this happening. Yuuri, standing half naked in his skates, in a public bathroom, Victor Nikiforov's tongue-

" _Ah-_  Victor...s-stop...I'm sweaty. You don't have to..." Yuuri clenched his eyes and threw his head back as Victor's mouth covered his tip, giving much needed attention to the tip of his weeping cock. His other hand had also fell on Victor's head, his fingers tangling with his silky hair. There was something attractive about messing up Victor Nikiforov's hair- it was always so prim and proper. 

"I don't mind." Victor smiled in a way that made Yuuri clench his teeth to hold back. "Also please don't hold back the noises you make. I like them. They make me quite hard." Hearing something so lewd said so casually was a hidden talent of Victor Nikiforov apparently and it made Yuuri squirm. 

A twist of the Russian's tongue again, Yuuri barely stopped himself from thrusting his hips forward. He needed to be polite, Victor was doing this for him.

It seemed like Victor noticed this as he spoke softly.

"You're being so good, Yuuri."

At the sound his student made at that, Victor looked up at him as if he realised something. His cock gave a hearty throb at the sight of Victor's wet and red lips right between his legs. His face was still half red as well.

"You like praise, don't you?" Victor said before he returned to give attention to Yuuri's clothed length.

" _Please_ , Victor, I-...I'm not going to last very long." Yuuri swallowed thickly right in the middle of his sentence.

"You won't?" Victor asked innocently, right before he pulled the waistband of the Japanese skater's underwear just enough for the head of his cock to be exposed. He gave the sensitive spot right under his head a tiny lick and the sensation sent an absolute shockwave through Yuuri's body. He quickly had to grab his balls and the root of his length tightly just not to come there and then. 

"You're being mean." Yuuri whined when the wave of pleasure that threatened to be too much for him to push back started to subside. 

Victor pouted, though his smile still showed through it. 

"I don't want to..." Yuuri shook his head softly. "Not yet. I think I...I'd like to touch you as well. If that's okay." 

"It's more than okay." Victor rose to his feet again, running his tongue over his top lip as if savouring the flavour- something that embarrassed Yuuri. Suddenly he couldn't bring himself to move his hand forward again, despite having done so before. 

It took Victor a few seconds of watching Yuuri to understand what he had to do. Gently, he wrapped his fingers around Yuuri's wrist, pulling his hand slowly to in between his thighs. Yuuri let his coach settle his hand on his clothed length. He heard Victor's breathing falter as he pressed his palm against it, then squeezed it with as much of a grip as he could get. 

Yuuri let out a long breath as his hands settled on Victor's hips before he started to lower his sweatpants as well until they were around his thighs. Victor's boxer shorts were red, because of course it were.

It seemed as if Yuuri admired the curve of the clothed length of his coach and how it pressed to the fabric for too long along with a familiar wet patch of his own because Victor spoke again.

"You can put your hand inside if you want. You don't have to do what I did. I don't expect it." His voice was calm but still somehow dripping with arousal. Yuuri could tell this wasn't Victor's first time but he could also tell that Victor was nevertheless excited.

"I-..." Yuuri began before he cut himself short. "Can I lower it? Your underwear."

Victor gave him a stead nod and it was all Yuuri needed before he slowly did so, watching with fascination as Victor's cock sprung free with a fresh bead of pre-come right on top. Yuuri let the waistband stay right under Victor's balls, quietly watching the small hairs that were covering the area. They weren't offending by any means and it only made Yuuri feel like this was more real and not some scripted porno movie.  

"Ah...sorry I didn't shave. I didn't know this was going to be happening so soon." 

Yuuri swallowed thickly at the implications of that and looked up at Victor's face. "You...you knew this was going to happen?"

Victor shrugged softly and looked away for a moment. "Well...Let's say I was _hoping_ it would."

"You thought about this before?"

Victor met Yuuri's gaze. "Of course."

That was all it took for Yuuri to wrap his fingers around the hard length in front of him. The angle was awkward at first but as he started to move his hand up and down it got slightly better. He didn't care about it at all however, all he cared about now was the fact that he could feel Victor's body reacting under his touch. 

After a few strokes Victor made a helpless expression as a huffed out a breath. He pushed Yuuri's underwear down unceremoniously before he stuck four of his fingers between Yuuri's thighs, running them on his perineum while his thumb stroked the base of his length. Yuuri nearly choked at the sensation, tightening his hand around Victor who only returned the gesture. Was he trying to reach all the way back? Did he want to...Did Victor want to _fuck_ him? The thought could easily make him start trembling. 

"You want...You want to go that far?" Yuuri managed to ask before he bit his bottom lip.

Victor took in a deep, steadying breath. "I don't want to scare you with it."

"I'm not a child, you know. I won't be scared."

"Of course not but...this isn't some fantastical universe where you'll be ready with no preparation and everything will go incredibly smoothly on the first try. That's not how real sex is at all. It's a lot of trying and failing. It's about learning about the other's body gradually, with every touch."

Yuuri licked his lips, his gaze going down to watch Victor push his fingers deeper between his thighs, watching them disappear more to somewhere he had never touched.

"I...I guess we don't have to have sex right now."

"Yuuri, we are having sex right now. Just not the penetrative kind." Victor said sweetly, placing a wet kiss on the corner of his mouth as he pressed curled his thumb around his base. 

Yuuri swallowed and breathed out. "I...well...not that kind then."

Victor moved his face to the side of Yuuri's, first kissing then nibbling on his ear as they both touched each other for a little while. The room was filled with nothing but the sounds of them breathing heavily and occasionally making small noises they tried their best to suppress- especially Yuuri.

His heart started beating so fast once he decided to ask something. It was as if he was about to speak up in class or make a speech in front of a lot of people.

"Do you...do you want to put it between my thighs?"

"Hm?" Victor asked, pulling back to meet his gaze.

Yuuri inhaled deeply. "Do you want to put your...your dick between my thighs? We are about the same height because you didn't let me take off my skates so you won't have to bend down. It won't completely be like the real thing but..." 

Victor parted his lips, the expression on his face changing to a slightly shocked one. Yuuri felt a little panic at that. Was he the one to cross a line now?

"I...I'm sorry, I just assumed you wanted to...you know..."

" _Fuck you?_ "

Yuuri went redder somehow. He could watch those lips say those words over and over again and it would be enough material for him to bring himself to a shaking orgasm.

"Yes."

Victor clenched his eyes for a moment to compose himself, when he opened them once more they were so much darker than Yuuri remembered.  

"You'd be _very_ correct in assuming that." His voice was much lower than before.

Yuuri had to hold the base of his cock very tightly again just so he could be able to think clearly once more.

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" Victor asked, removing his hand from between Yuuri's thighs. 

Yuuri could only nod in return.

"Well then. It was a little annoying how wet I got but now I'm glad. I don't exactly carry lubricant with me." 

Yuuri watched Victor's hand cover his own which was still wrapped around Victor's hardness. He made Yuuri move his hands up and down slowly a few times, making sure to cover it with his pre-come as much as it was possible. 

"I think you should turn around for this, so I can touch you as well. Come."

Yuuri let Victor lead him to the sinks, making Yuuri face the mirrors. It was odd seeing them both like this, red and sweaty, their underwear around their thighs. Victor's head was right next to his, looking at them both as well. The awkward lighting was only making it more obvious how red the head of their cocks were. 

"Okay, spread your legs a bit for me." 

Yuuri did as he was told, trying to ignore how his knees were trembling from excitement. After a moment he felt Victor spread his cheeks apart slightly -something that made Yuuri incredibly embarrassed but also quite aroused- and start pushing the head of his cock between them, letting it slowly slide forward between his legs. Yuuri grabbed his balls and lifted them to get a better view and once the head poked out from the front, Victor let out a small but delicious noise, pushing onto the outer sides of Yuuri's thighs so he would tighten them around him. 

After putting his hands on Yuuri's hips, Victor experimentally pulled back a little before he thrusted forward- much harder than Yuuri expected he would. The way his fingers were digging onto his skin was implying how hard Victor was trying to control himself however and Yuuri trusted him to keep it that way.

"Do you like it?" Yuuri managed to speak, still fascinated by the view he got on the mirror and seeing the pink head of his coach's cock disappear between his legs, then appear again.  

Victor laughed a little nervously. "I'm actually really close. I'm trying to last longer for you but you just keep surprising me."

It gave him confidence, to hear that Victor, who obviously had sex quite a lot of times before, was close just by doing what they did. 

"That's okay, I nearly came two times." Yuuri said, looking down at his own hardness. He watched as Victor's long and elegant wrapped themselves around Yuuri's length and squeezed.

"You know, I think this is the first time I heard you say that word." Victor said as he withdrew again. Yuuri made sure to keep his thighs together tightly, it was sort of like exercising which was quite funny to him. 

"What word?" Yuuri asked as he pushed forward to Victor's firm grip, trying to get some attention on himself.

"Came." Victor said as he harshly thrust forward again, making Yuuri have to brace himself by holding onto the counter with his hand.

" _Victor_." Yuuri whined. He couldn't get as much out of this as Victor was but the hand around his length was still providing him with a lot of pleasure and just the thought alone and view alone of what Victor was doing made him feel an ache in his balls. 

Without realising, Yuuri pushed his hips forward and backward for a few times, trying to get some friction from Victor's hand which covered his entire length. He could feel the slide of Victor between his thighs as he kept doing it and it seemed like Victor was enjoying this quite a bit because he stopped thrusting and placed his forehead on the back of Yuuri's shoulder. Yuuri hear the steady and short breathing of him and it only made him try to go faster. 

" _Yuuri_." Victor let out once he couldn't take it anymore. Before Yuuri knew it, he started to thrust with abandon while moving his hand on Yuuri with the same pace. Yuuri could only watch in awe as he saw Victor lose more and more control, eventually stopping the faltering grip on his cock and grasping his hips firmly. He felt his coach thrust harshly just a few more fast times before he heard the most beautiful moan in existence. Victor's release had been beautiful, most of it going into the sink.

Yuuri's heart was going so fast. If that was anything close to what actual penetrative sex was like, if he could get to feel Victor's balls slapping against him, if he could feel him grip him so tightly and go absolutely out of control, he would love to try it out. 

Yuuri's own length however was still lonely and it actually ached quite badly now since he had also been close when Victor stopped. Without much thought, Yuuri wrapped his fingers around himself to bring himself off quickly though his hand was quickly pulled away by longer fingers that replaced his own.

"I didn't forget about you."

Victor didn't show any mercy. The strokes started out quick and tight. It made Yuuri bend forward, both hands on the counter to support himself. It took an embarrassingly short time for him to reach a messy release right on Victor's hand. Victor gave him a final squeeze that made his entire body shiver after he rode him through it and then pulled it back.

He saw Victor moving to the sink next to him, then looking him through the mirror. 

"What are you doing to me Yuuri Katsuki? I want to absolutely ruin you."

Yuuri looked at himself. His face red, sweatpants and underwear around his thighs, he was still wearing his skates and this wasn't even the first damn time Victor had gotten him off in a public area. 

"You already have."

* * *

"My phone has been buzzing all day." Yuuri said as he sat down on the bench, untying his skates. Finally he was done skating for the day. The time was nearing four in the morning. "That never happens."

"Mine too, though I can't say the same about that never happening." Victor replied. He was sitting next to the wooden table next to the rink, his elbow on it, his hand supporting his chin. "Are you ready to check the responses?"

Yuuri nodded quietly, not bothering to finish taking off his skates. He just wanted to get this over with now. 

Yuuri knew more or less all the comments were going to about Victor. They were going to be about how sad they were that he left the ice and for a no good low-end skater at that. And the comments about him...They were going to call him horrible. They were going to tell him to retire. They were going to try to convince Victor to go back to skating. 

It didn't matter, right? He didn't think that he owed anything to anyone anymore. He didn't think that he had to share Victor anymore. Victor was his...and Yuuri would brace himself for the absolute worst if he had to.

He could do this. He could face these comments. It was not like he had never seen bad comments about himself. He could do this. He could do this. _He could do this._

And yet he felt wound up like he never had before.

The first comment they saw puzzled them both.

  * **bowlofVICTUURI:** oH MY GOD 



"Well they seem excited." Victor said with laughter in his voice. "That's a good start, right? It sounds pretty neutral. They aren't happy or sad, just excited."

"Vic...tuuri?" Yuuri spoke as he lowered his eyebrows, reading over the username once more. "Is that just our names mashed up together? That's..."

"Cute!" Victor exclaimed. "Why haven't I thought of that before!? I'm going to tag out pictures with that from now on. That's brilliant."

Yuuri goodheartedly rolled his eyes even as his nerves were getting the best of him before they scrolled down to another comment. 

  * **BitchforICEsk8ing** : Ugggh, this is like the worst news ever. Isn't Yuri that skater that failed the Grand Prix? What's Victor Nikiforov doing wasting his time with a nobody like that? I mean am I the only one who sees this?!?!?!!?



There it was. The first negative comment. Yuuri clenched himself. What they said didn't _mean_ anything. All that mattered was what he felt. What Victor felt. 

"Well, at least their username is fitting." Victor spoke, running a hand on Yuuri's back. "I'm sure they are already the top ranking skater in their division."

Yuuri couldn't laugh at that even though he found it funny.

  * **Kingofaxels** : Lame



Yuuri breathed in steadily as he heard Victor huff. "Maybe you really have the right idea about never using social media. You know I get a lot of bad comments too, I actually never sat down to read them seriously like this. Maybe this doesn't seem like such a good idea now but I wanted you to see there is going to be negativity all the time. I'd rather let you realise this now than during the season."

  * **Ariana123** : well we'll at least see Victor failing at something in his life for once



Yuuri looked over at Victor who was laughing at the comment instead of being upset by it. "Well that was a backhanded compliment, don't you think?" Yuuri admired Victor's positivity. "Maybe I should read the comments sometimes, some of these are rather creative."

  * **Hiei098:** Whhaaat! Victor's not skating next season! D: But I'm so happy for Katsuki! My little sister has been a huge fan of his since his debut! I wish them both luck for the upcoming season, so excited X~D



_What?_

"See Yuuri? You have fans." Victor gave him a big smile. "I knew all those Facebook groups I joined were genuine." He added, jabbing at him playfully.

Something inside Yuuri started to unravel as he read the comment again.

  * **Poodles4Lyfe:** OMG! I am so happy for Yuuri! He worked really hard for this! With Viktor as his coach he is going to win gold in the next GPF! #SOPROUD #NextGPFWinner



"I..." Yuuri began. He kept unravelling, bit by bit. 

What was this?

People actually...knew him? 

  * **SkatezforDayz** : GUYS! It's Viktor's choice and we have to respect it! If he's happy then who are we to tell him what to do? Also stop being mean to Yuuri! He worked really hard to get this far! He deserves the best coach in the world! #YuuriKatsukiProtectionSquad 



Yuuri pressed his lips together tightly. 

People knew...how much he had worked?

 

  * **MyDogDoesQuads** : ohhhh my y goD im so happy for yuuri i could cryy



Yuuri trembled, unable to let his eyes fall onto the next comment each time.

  * **Ice_Princess42** : wHAT?! i knew it! they've been spending way too much time together. i'm so excited for this season!!



"Yuuri?"

  * **carrot_bunny:** @hoshina_shin I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T MAKE IT UP



Yuuri felt a tight knot in his throat. 

  * **Quadintomyheart** : Yuuri and Victor!!!! That amazing footwork with the legendary work of Nikiforov is going going to make a dynamic team this season!! I'm glad someone else noticed the genius of Katsuki Yuri! #figureskating #katsukiyurigold #gpf2016 #tbhtheyrebothamazing #tooearlytosay #powercouple




His eyes stung with tears.

  * **IceIceVictor:** ahhhh my two favorite skaters as a dynamic duo!! Can't wait for the new season!!! 



"Yuuri..." Victor breathed out with a smile, as if he had just seen a child fall and was finding it cute how the child thought that was the biggest pain in the world while it had been just a little scratch.

  * **DontH8Sk8ers:** Has everyone seen the announcement, holy shit, so pumped for coach!victor! Yuuri is gonna Slay! I can't even! #yaaaaass #Viktorious #YuuriKastsukilling-it! #soshook



Yuuri sniffled, locking the phone and pushing it to Victor's hand. It was like he had a volcano inside him that he had covered for too long and now everything was spilling out without control.

He couldn't lie.

What they said meant everything...and it mattered. 

He had been trying to ready himself for negative comments so hard that he had forgotten to ready himself for positive ones. It was hitting him like a train. Yuuri didn't know how to handle being at the top after being on the bottom for so long that he knew it like the back of his hand. 

He pressed the heels of his palms on his eyes and clenched his teeth. A few seconds later he felt Victor's comforting hand in his hair. His voice was so sweet Yuuri felt his heart swell even further.

"So...how does it feel to realise you are liked, Yuuri Katsuki?"

Yuuri couldn't tell exactly but he knew exactly how it felt to let them down. Something that wasn't going to happen again. Not if Yuuri could help it. With Victor by his side, he was invincible. With Victor by his side...he didn't need anything else.

Yuuri suddenly turned to him after those words, his eyes slightly red. The Russian looked at him, obviously a little startled from the movement. 

"Make me win, Victor. Make me win gold." He did his best to keep his voice from trembling. He had never felt so much desire to win and that was saying something. 

Victor seemed at a loss for words for a moment. He parted his lips but right when he was about to speak Yuuri spoke again. 

"I trust you...Please make me win Victor...I will give you _everything_ I have."

Yuuri knew that was an empty promise.

Everything he had was already his. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> It was time for me to own up to the rating of this fic anyway........... 
> 
> YAY FOR CONSENT DISCUSSION ヽ༼ຈqຈ༽ﾉ ヽ༼ຈqຈ༽ﾉ ヽ༼ຈqຈ༽ﾉ ヽ༼ຈqຈ༽ﾉ
> 
> BTW IM SORRY THE ENDING SUCKS ITS 2 AM I NEED TO WAKE UP IN 5 HOURS I SPENT SO LONG WRITING PORN AHFBDAS IM SORRY PLS DONT KILL ME PLS IF A LOT OF PEOPLE DONT LIKE IT I'LL GO BACK TO IT I PROMISE I JUST WANT TO POST THIS RIGHT NOW BEFORE I DIE
> 
> Anyway you like this? You don't? Let me know in the comments below~ Let's a have a chat. I reply to every comment!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The inner machinations of Yuuri's mind are an enigma.
> 
> Also this chapter SUCKS?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> myshka: little mouse  
> lapochka: sweetie pie  
> Special thanks to the person who wrote the instagram comment I used in this chapter :') 
> 
> ~
> 
> I'm sorry this is so late, I got too caught up with reading Killing Stalking because SANGWOO YOU HOT PIECE OF SHIT why do I have a thing for psychos aaaa a a a a a a aaaaaa
> 
> ANYWAY
> 
> Hello and welcome to chapter 16. The next chapter will be the last :') It's been a ride and a pleasure to write for you guys. 
> 
> Sooo... I would very much like for you to read all the notes because there's some stuff I would very much like you to help me with!
> 
> Firstly, SHOULD THE SMUT PART OF CHAPTER 5 BE REMOVED? (Victor jerking Yuuri off on the rink)
> 
> It was brought into my attention by more than one person that it's out of place and now that I think about it, I have to agree even though there are reasons that particular thing happened. 
> 
> Please let me know with yes/no and if a lot of people say yes, I will remove it and all mentions of it from the fic. Keep in mind that part was put in to show how much Yuuri wants to win and how much he is willing to sacrifice/forget/not notice about himself to allow it to happen, so in this case he believes that it's completely necessary for him to let Victor do this so he can win despite him not liking people to be close to him/touch him. In the anime he has an entire year to solve this on his own so he doesn't let Victor advance with him becaue he isn't in the same state of mind as before- keep in mind he just came out of a big loss and is very vulnerable and desperate to win. 
> 
> Secondly, I want to start planning on a new fic now that this one is about to be done! (You think I'm leaving you guys alone? No way.) I made a facebook post in a YOI facebook group letting people vote on the first three ideas and so far the 1st is the most voted on...but I kind of sort of have my heart on the second one ?? a bit... I mean I want to write that one but am a bit scared it will go OOC. Anyway........
> 
> YOUR OPTIONS:
> 
> 1 for: Yuuri and Victor, both in crime families of their own, meet in public not knowing who the other is. Victor, an important person in his crime family, then tracks Yuuri down and upon learning he is part of the Yakuza, offers to do business with them just to get to Yuuri. 
> 
> ~
> 
> 2 for: Yuuri, an Omega, is an adopted child of a crime family and is sent to Russia to track down Victor, an Alpha, who is also a part of a very strong Russian Mafia family. The plan Yuuri's father creates for him is for him to expose himself to Victor as a civilian while he is in heat and try to get him to bond him, so the crime families will have to have a connection and do business together. This is basically Yuuri paying off his debt to his adopted father for adopting him as a child and rescuing him from poverty. This may get a little angsty.
> 
> ~
> 
> 3 for: Yuuri and Victor, both part of very strong crime families, grow up with stories of why they are in war with one another. Yuuri's family tells him Victor's great-great (I'll decide how old later) grandfather killed his great-great(?) grandfather. Victor hears it backwards. They set out on a search to find out what really happened. This will be sort of fluff i guess?
> 
> ~
> 
> 4 for: A Killing Stalking fic, I haven't determined the plot yet but it's gonna be filled with gore. Guys I read American Pyscho twice. I'm hopefully ready to write this. For those of you who don't know, spoilers, it includes a guy who puts his _whole arm_ up a woman's privates. Ahem.

Yuuri woke up with a start, taking full two seconds to actually come to his senses. When he remembered where he was, he quickly noticed that he fell asleep with his phone in his hand while watching some of Victor's old performances on YouTube for inspiration. It had been a rough night on the ice even after reading social media comments with Victor. After returning to his hotel, Yuuri came to the striking realisation that he only had one day of practice left before he was going to perform again and he had such a burning desire inside him to make it flawless that he could barely contain it. 

Dropping his phone on his side, Yuuri sat up and ran a tired hand in his hair, trying to shake the sleepiness off. Now that he thought about it, yesterday was just a rough day all around. The whole thing with Victor...thinking about it made him feel nauseous. This was the longest amount of time he had kissed anyone and remembering the sensation of their open mouths together was now making him a tiny bit sick. It wasn't that he thought it was disgusting to kiss Victor, it was just that kissing itself felt a little disgusting now that he wasn't in that haze. He wasn't used to kissing obviously and this feeling would have worried him further had he couldn't recall Phichit once telling him something about it.

_"Yeah, after I had my first kiss with tongue I couldn't eat for the whole day. I just felt kind of sick to my stomach. It goes away eventually. It's just kind of icky at first. Maybe it's like psychological or something."_

It made sense. Yuri had first experienced Victor breaching him with emotions, and now right after, without even having time to process it he was being breached physically. Yuuri was used to feeling things towards people, even if it was just anger or being afraid of them. He wasn't unfamiliar with things like admiration either but love... Love was something he ignored until it caught up to him. Love was something Yuuri was too afraid to give because he didn't know how to accept it. 

What he had done with Victor hadn't been one sided this time, he had given back. He didn't just feel like a bystander, he was in it and this was something so incredibly new to him that it was scary. 

He had half a mind to text his best friend about the whole thing right now and ask for advice but he was afraid of the conversation that it would spark. Phichit would definitely ask about what was happening between them, it was a miracle that he hadn't been spamming him in the first place- perhaps because he hadn't thought they would go so far so quickly. None of them had in the end, it had just happened naturally. Yuuri was a bit too shy to give the exact details of what he did with his famous Russian skating coach, let alone give that kind of information to someone who had live-streamed Yuuri talking in his sleep once on Twitter. 

Phichit would have given some advice maybe at least maybe. Perhaps help him figure out what's going on between him and Victor but...Yuuri didn't know if he really wanted a solid answer to that right now. It felt like if he knew for sure, he would somehow start pushing Victor away. Commitment like this was something unusual and terrifying for him, he didn't know if he was ready to accept such deep emotions from someone in an 'official' basis. It was fine like this, not knowing, he had no boundaries, he had no obligations, he could _love_ Victor in his own way and it wouldn't be a problem. Maybe if they were _together_  together he would feel like he owed him something. 

He didn't even know if Victor wanted something like that. If Victor wanted to pursue a relationship with him. All the signs pointed to yes, but would it negatively impact their relationship as a coach and a student? Would he be expecting something more from Yuuri in that case? Something Yuuri doesn't know, something he can't give him. Would Victor want Yuuri to act differently when he is seen with him? Yuuri was a grown man and he knew he wouldn't change for anyone, not even for Victor. He knew he wanted Victor to not change, but did Victor want the same from him?

He sighed deeply. Now he was just sounding ungrateful. He was living something off of a fairytale. His idol was there, giving him everything was too afraid to want all these years. Things he couldn't even fantasise about just because he didn't want to give himself false hope that would inevitably end with disappointment and pain. It was all at his feet, everything he could ask for, this was the highest point in his life right now and here _he_ was, having a goddamn breakdown because he was  _too happy_ or something and his mind just needed things to go wrong again. He couldn't just accept it and be happy, no, that would just be too _easy_ right?

It wasn't news. Nothing in Yuuri's life had ever been easy, even though it looked so easy from the outside sometimes. His mind, his emotions, they just had to complicate things every time. No matter how many times things turned out just fine after he lost hours of sleep over them, it didn't matter. The worst part was that he realised that he was being unreasonable and yet that did nothing to make him feel better. It made him feel even worse in most cases, realising he can't get out of feeling like that. 

 _You're doing it again_ , he thought to himself. _You're at the Grand Prix Finale and you know you can win and you're tying your skates but you are tying your laces together._

He couldn't deal with more of this right now.

To distract himself, he picked his phone up once more and unlocked it, noticing the message notification he got from Victor. Oh, so that was what had woken him up. 

**Found this, thought you'd appreciate it ;)**

_**-Victor~ 02:23 PM**_  

Attached to the message was a screenshot of an Instagram comment that read;

* * *

@Skyxpiratex:

Yuuri is literally me with all the anxiety and constant self doubt plus the ballet background as well, so he is a great inspiration to me. I Loved figure skating and ballet as a child but i never pursued it because i didn't feel like i was good enough and i got busy with school.

Watching how great he can be despite everything really inspired me to get back into it. If its just classes here and there, but its such a great first step. ☆

Yuuri doesnt need to win gold, because im sure he has won gold in everyone's hearts already. So even if he does or does not he certainly has support. ♡

ALSO IF ANYONE HATES ON THIS PRECIOUS ROLL MY 5'2 ASS WILL FIGHT YOU IM SMALL BUT FLEXIBLE AND STRONG FIGHT ME,

* * *

Yuuri read the comment about four times before he could peel his eyes away from the screen, a familiar knot forming in his throat once more. 

His skating career. When Yuuri first thought about what his routine would be for Yuri on Ice he half expected to just lie on the ice until the piece ended because that had been his skating career. 

He hadn't always been like this. There was a feeling he felt before, a fire. Something he felt so heavily right before his very first competition, before he felt any kind of anxiety about anything. The fire got gradually doused by losses and learning his weaknesses, learning that he _has_ weaknesses. 

Young Yuuri skated more than he slept, young Yuuri could feel it in his bones that one day he was going to be _better_ than Victor Nikiforov. At the time he was too afraid to say it, was too afraid people wouldn't believe him, call him mad, make fun of him... He couldn't even tell Yuko about it. He had been so afraid that...he started not believing it himself as the years passed on.

While everyone thought Yuuri's skating abilities were limited to what he did so far, the reason why he couldn't do better was not physical at all. Just like the person who commented on Instagram, he simply started feeling like he wasn't good enough. For him nothing but gold was _winning_ and that was why he kept failing, why he started feeling worse and worse after every bronze or silver medal, every missed point. Every mistake just made him dig his own grave deeper.

His skating career.

Afraid of making mistakes, afraid of changing things up. Playing it safe. Do what you know. Hope you are enough.  _That_ had been Yuuri's skating career. Nothing surprising, nothing you won't expect. Yuuri was just one of those filler skaters you watched while Victor Nikiforov got ready. That was what he was, a dime a dozen. Trying anything drastic was dangerous, it was risky. 

But his time with Victor...he didn't know what it was. Was it because he had hit bottom? Was it because he felt like it was all just a dream? He had finally let himself try something new, something that people haven't already seen from him a thousand times. And now instead of being afraid, he had just bared his heart on the ice. Instead of feeling the overwhelming anxiety he felt before he was about to do a program with the same spins and step sequences and type of music he always used, Yuuri was easily putting his heart and soul in his dance while doing something new and foreign to him.

Hang on. That was what was it, right?

Victor of course hadn't been too impressed with his performances in competitions, but right after he skated Victor's routine for him, he had cooked up this entire plan of training him in two seconds. Victor had told him a few days ago how watching that had "sealed the deal in his head". His Eros program had made him spark something in Victor that Yuuri could never imagine even in his wild dreams that he could do. And now with Yuri on Ice...without Victor's impact, without him showing Yuuri the comments and talking to him about how he can succeed, it made him look at the future of his skating career in such a different way than before. 

These three programs, Stay Close To Me, Eros, Yuri on Ice...they all had one thing in common.  

While Yuuri was doing them, he wasn't skating for a medal...he was skating for a _person_ _._  A person that covered so much space in his life. This was making all the difference. They all had so much emotion attached to them, they all had their own story. They weren't some discardable routines he learned for one season, they all touched his life deeply in some way.  

And that was how he knew what he had to do tomorrow. He was going to show Victor he was ready to rise from his ashes. He was going to do it for him, he was going to dance for Victor and it was going to be beautiful. 

* * *

Seeing Victor that night made Yuuri feel a little uneasy. This morning he had felt like he had resolved everything but then he realised the things he had resolved weren't about his relationship with Victor at all, they were about his career and how he was going to be dancing.

The piano music of Yuri on Ice that played from the little stereo Victor placed his phone on was almost mocking him. The piece was so peaceful and inspired while his insides were anything but. He was feeling like someone had tied ropes to all his limbs and was pulling him down. 

It was maddening. Now that they had reached a certain amount of physical intimacy, it felt like he didn't know where to put his hands. Was he allowed to casually touch Victor? Did Victor expect it? Now that they had sort of settled their feelings a bit, did he want to put boundaries between them during practice? 

There he went again. Thinking so much, trying to decide what to do for so long that he ended up doing nothing, he ended up being the quiet and shy guy in the corner again. If he could just stop blocking himself...if only he had something that would make him let go of his inhibitions... Yuuri swallowed. Well, he guessed maybe that was why people told him he was so  _fun_ when he was drunk.

Sometimes he wished he could be like his drunk self all the time if it left that kind of impression on people but then again, he couldn't spend his whole life drunk. It wasn't even that Yuuri hated himself like this but maybe people liked him more that way. He couldn't help but feel a little hurt every time someone said something of the sort to him, even if they meant it well. _"You're more fun when you are drunk, you should do it more often."_

He had thought that he could keep loving Victor in his own way but now, he wasn't so sure. He kept thinking back to how he was yesterday and how if he could keep being like that. Compared to how bold he had been with pulling Victor back for a kiss yesterday or when he had kissed him on the ice before, today here he remained the same old Yuuri Katsuki that couldn't even estimate when it was socially acceptable to hug someone.

His boldness, it was something that wasn't always there. He couldn't rely on something that came and went on it's own. Would Victor eventually get tired of how shy he was? And if he remained bold...would he miss his shyness? 

He guessed that what he was trying to say was, he didn't know if Victor would like how Yuuri was when he was involved with someone, because he himself had no idea about it.

Seeing Victor had opened up a black hole in his mind. 

Yuuri's head was swimming with questions he thought he wouldn't even need to deal with until Victor explicitly told him they were in a relationship. 

Wait. Was Victor ever even going to _say_ they were in a relationship even if they were? 

Wait. Maybe they already _were_  in one. Maybe there were some social cues about it that Yuuri didn't know that indicated this already. 

But what if they weren't? What if Victor wasn't looking for anything serious right now? What if he got everything wrong and he just embarrassed himself and- no, he couldn't have gotten things _that_ wrong. Victor had his _mouth_ on Yuuri's  _dick_ yesterday, you didn't just do that to anyone you only sort of liked, did you?

Did you?

Yuuri felt sick as he met Victor's eyes. In fact, the Russian was looking at him quite worried. Since you know...he had fallen for the fifth time while trying to do the same jump. He really shouldn't be this clumsy right before he had to perform. Today was the last day he could practice and he still felt that the program was so unfinished in his mind. 

"Are you feeling quite alright, Yuuri?"

Yuuri breathed out slowly and gave Victor half a nod, pressing his glove covered palms on the ice to feel something different for a moment. Maybe if he took them off and touched the ice again the bite of the coldness on his skin would temporarily make him stop thinking. He didn't look up at Victor even when he skated towards him. 

Being in a relationship would mean Yuuri would have to plan for two people, feel for two people, live for two people. He would have to keep track of the other person, care for them, be there for them. He had to be back in Detroit in three weeks for his last semester of school. Oh god, this was going to be _long distance._ Yuuri didn't know if he could be a good boyfriend to someone he saw everyday, how was he going to be a good boyfriend to someone he couldn't even see? How was he going to keep Victor entertained for that long?

He saw on his peripheral vision that Victor crouched next to him and when he felt Victor's hand touch his chin, Yuuri flinched, pulling away quicker than he could think. He watched his coach withdraw his hand quickly, widening his eyes as if he hadn't been expecting that. Their eyes met and the emotion in the Russian's gaze was strangling him. 

Meeting someone he had idolised, getting to know them, kissing them, _having sex_ , knowing they will be a big part of your life for a whole year, and all of this just under two weeks...

Yuuri couldn't even understand if he wanted to have this relationship with Victor, but the thought of not having it blossomed white hot pain in his chest that threatened to consume him. It made him panic so much that he felt paralyzed. 

"Too fast...it's..." Yuuri choked up. He couldn't hold Victor's gaze. It was like looking into the sun. 

"Fast? Do you think the transition to the jump is too fast? You were doing it fine yesterday, I'm sure if you try it with a little more concentration-"

Victor fell on his knees with a thud when Yuuri pulled him down roughly, pressing their lips together in a short but bruising kiss. Maybe if he could feel it again, maybe if he could have him that close to his face again, things would get resolved on their own. Maybe his mind would clear up.

It didn't.

The Russian looked down at him when he was allowed to pull up again. As Victor pushed his fringe back, Yuuri realised his facial expression could only be explained as confused. 

"Maybe all the lack of sleep is getting to you finally."

Yuuri pulled his legs to his chest, feeling the warmness on his lips fly away as they met the icy weather once more. If they had been on a lake, he would sort of just want the ice under him to crack and take him down with it. "Is this what you want me to do?" He asked, finally meeting his eyes again. 

"Well, I do enjoy kissing you quite a bit..."

Yuuri sighed, even as what Victor said clenched his heart. "No, well- I mean, kiss you when you don't expect. Surprise you. You want me to keep surprising you, right?" 

Victor's smile was gentle and soft as if he didn't want to make too big of an expression. "What's going on in that little head of yours again? I like to pride myself on being a thinker but I swear, your thoughts go twice as fast as mine." 

Yuuri looked away, he wasn't sure if that was a compliment.

Victor sat on the ice across him. They were close enough for their knees to only almost touch. "Yuuri. I'm going to be in your life quite a lot now. I'm responsible for you. I need to know what you are thinking. Not just as your coach but..."

This got Yuuri's attention, he met Victor's gaze once more.

Victor seemed hesitant, but half a second later Yuuri felt his hand on his cheek and he didn't pull away this time. The Russian seemed relieved by that. 

"As your Victor." He finished, giving him a big and knowing smile. 

Yuuri blinked dumbly. 

_ "What do you want me to be to you Yuuri? A father figure?" _

_ "No." Yuuri breathed out. _

_ "A brother? Maybe a friend?" _

_Yuuri made a non-committal sound and buried his head deeper between his legs._

_ "Well. Then your boyfriend, I guess." Victor said casually. _

_ Yuuri widened his eyes, nearly jumping off the bed.  _

_ "I can try my best." Victor said dramatically. _

_ "No, no, no, no, no!" Yuuri started, looked over at him with his hands up. Victor met his eyes. _

_ "I just..." Yuuri breathed out and shook his head, his cheeks a light shade of pink. _

_ "I want you to be Victor."   _

Yuuri parted his lips. "I'm just getting over my head again." He said quietly. "I do this quite often if you haven't already realised." 

Victor ran his thumb under over Yuuri's cheekbone, making the Japanese skater close his eyes. "That's alright." He heard, spoken gently. "Greatness comes with a price." 

Yuuri shot him a questioning look, which made his coach smile in return. "I noticed that you feel things a bit deeper than other people and this sort of cripples you. Am I right?" 

His answer was just a slight nod but this seemed to satisfy Victor. 

"It's not necessarily a bad thing, it makes you skate incredibly well when you channel it correctly. You just need to stop having a conversation inside your head sometimes and have that conversation with me." 

Yuuri was afraid to voice his thoughts so openly. He usually thought over them about five or six times before he could even think about letting them out. 

"This isn't about you not thinking you aren't a worthy skater for me still, is it? I think we resolved that issue." Victor had laughter in his voice even though the things he said were quite serious. He hummed after a moment. "You're worried I'm going get tired of you overthinking, is that it?"

Yuuri swallowed thickly, pulling slightly away from Victor's hand still on his cheek. That was correct but...

"Ah. You're afraid of the level of intimacy we have reached and you think I'm expecting things from you now?" Victor continued, lowering his hand. 

Yuuri made a non-committal sound. "I don't know what I'm feeling." He concluded because it was everything Victor was saying and yet none of them. "There are a lot of thoughts in my head about...us. About...how I'm meant to act around you...about my feelings towards you....about kissing, about...sex." Yuuri swallowed thickly. "I don't know why I'm thinking so much about these things  _now._ We already...did things."

"Well, sometimes it takes a while for things to catch up, right?" Victor shrugged. 

Yuuri looked at him, feeling stupid. "You're so casual about this." He huffed. "This is an actual problem."

Victor smirked. "And what exactly is this problem?"

Yuuri's stomach dropped. "W-what if I never want to have actual sex?" He blurted out as if he couldn't come up with a better excuse in that short amount of time.

Victor didn't seem fazed by the question at all. "Then we won't have sex." He replied as if it was obvious already.

Yuuri felt his chest tighten, it was so hard to talk about this without knowing the relationship between them. He didn't owe Victor anything, sure, but that also meant Victor didn't owe him anything.

He heard Victor laugh gently at his silence. 

"Do you even know what the problem is, Yuuri?"

Yuuri cringed. He had definitely been secretly dreading this particular question. He had been dreading it because Victor was _right._ He fucking didn't. Yuuri kept switching from topic to topic about what was wrong and his thoughts clashed and his feelings refused to stay the same. Half of the time, he didn't even know what was going on inside him, let alone him trying to explain it all to Victor. Sometimes he felt like he was creating a problem just to have a problem, just because he couldn't have things going well for once. 

When Victor didn't get a reply, he scooted next to Yuuri and hesitantly put an arm around his waist. Yuuri's head fell on Victor's shoulder after a few moments, and Victor placed his on top of his student's carefully. He obviously didn't want Yuuri to flinch back again.

After a few seconds of silence, Victor spoke.

"You know...when I was younger I really liked someone I knew." The Russian started speaking, settling more comfortably on the ice. "And the moment they told me they liked me as well, I started to avoid them like the plague. I didn't know what it was, I just couldn't bear to see them even though I still liked them."

"Really?" Yuuri looked up slightly, his gaze hopeful. Maybe this was what he was experiencing as well. So Victor maybe had an idea about how he was feeling? "How old were you?"

"I was ten." Victor stated casually.

Yuuri sighed heavily, hiding his face with his hands. "I'm _twenty-three,_ Victor _._ "

"Hmm." Victor agreed, pressing a small kiss in Yuuri's hair. "You just got a little scared, Yuuri. You never made a commitment like this before in your life, have you?"

Yuuri shook his head silently. 

"I understand. It's actually my fault. I didn't even ask you to make a commitment to me personally, just professionally. You're confused because you don't know what is going on between us, right? And you aren't confident enough in yourself to just let it go with the flow for longer. I think I should have stopped us yesterday but I couldn't notice you weren't ready and I apologise for that....I shouldn't have let this drag on for so long without having a good talk with you about it and ask you about your boundaries when we were both thinking clearly."

Yuuri chewed on his bottom lip, not speaking. He really didn't know how to respond to that but the fact that Victor understood that he had a problem instead of ignoring it or making fun of it like some other people he knew made him feel better. As illogical as his feelings were, they were still there and they didn't go away despite Yuuri being aware of that. It was refreshing to see someone...understand that. Victor seemed like a patient man, and he didn't make Yuuri feel like he was a burden, not once. He felt like he could completely rely on someone for the very first time. 

"It must be...quite a deal for you, having maybe your first proper flirting session with someone you quite liked but never thought you would meet. You have no practice on it and maybe things are going a bit too fast for you but in your mind you are like 'wow I really shouldn't fuck this up' so you can't really talk about it either. You don't know if this will affect the whole me being your coach deal too. It must be hard."

Yuuri pulled his legs to his chest tightly, head bent down. It was so incredibly unfair that Victor could read him so easily when he himself couldn't. "Yeah." He mumbled. 

"I can see you feel a little constricted. I'll let you make the final decision about how you feel of course and I will completely respect it. It also won't change the fact that I'm your coach.....but I want you to know how I feel like too so you can think about that as well. I'm going to try to put this in a way that won't be...too threatening for you. Sounds good?"

Yuuri nodded, though not raising his gaze. It wasn't something he knew of before, the amount of guesswork that had to be done during flirting. Maybe that was why he hadn't really been good at it. Maybe he had never cared enough before to even notice the things he had to guess. Maybe he had never felt like he never ever wanted to let a person go before. 

"Good. I'll tell you this....I want to see you change Yuuri."

Yuuri's heart clenched as he looked slightly at him.

"I don't mean forcing you to be different of course." Victor chuckled, making Yuuri be slightly relieved. "I mean naturally. Day by day I want to see you get and feel better. I want to see you grow as a person and come out your shell and somehow still be the Yuuri I came to know. I want to see you make a bad hair decision and have to stick with it for a few months. I want to see you change your clothing style bit by bit because you start liking different stuff. I want to see you go crazy one day and think about getting a tattoo but then decide against it at the last moment. I want to see what it would look like curled up with your phone in sweatpants with bed hair on a lazy day. I want to see what it would look like if you didn't shave for a long time. What would genuinely be surprising to me would be if you stopped surprising me one day. I really th-" 

Yuuri blinked a few times when he noticed that Victor wasn't going to continue. He looked up, trying to understanding why Victor stopped so abruptly. His heart had been racing at his chest at the implication of what Victor had been getting at.

Victor hummed. "Someone is watching us." He said, looking at somewhere in the distance before he raised his arm and started waving enthusiastically. "Hello! Are you a fan?" He shouted, making Yuuri wince at how loud he was. When Yuuri followed his gaze though, he also noticed the shadow of someone larger and older than him making a motion for him come closer. They had something in their hand...a flask? Oh god. _Oh god._

"Stay here." Yuuri scrambled and miraculously managed to get up without falling on his ass. He started going towards the side of the rink as fast as he can, confirming his suspicion on the identity of the person the more he skated.

Oh no. What was he going to say to her? _Sorry I've been using your rink for my personal enjoyment for the past two weeks in the middle of the night?_

 _Oh no._ What if this meant Phichit wouldn't get his pay?

He swallowed when he met the hard gaze of his boss. "...I don't know what to say Veronika. I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't be here this late."

Veronika laughed softly in return, her features softening instantly. "Come on  _myshka_ , I know this has been going on. I own this rink, yes? I know what goes on it."

"O-oh..." Yuuri replied. 

Veronika smiled knowingly while making a vague gesture over at his coach who was still in the middle of the rink still, carefully watching them. "You did not tell me you know Victor Nikiforov, hm?"

Yuuri looked back at the Russian before looking back at his boss, putting his hand on the back of his head. "Yeah...I mean, I haven't known him for very long. He just kind of showed up about two weeks ago and...yeah." He coughed. "He is my coach now."

Veronika's smile grew as he looked over at the confused Russian. "Hmm. He is much more handsome in real life."

Yuuri blushed, remembering that he thought the exact same thing before.

When Veronika noticed that, she smirked. "You like him?" She said casually, clapping her hand on Yuuri's shoulder a bit roughly as usual. Yuuri managed to stay on his feet. 

He cleared his throat. "Well, yes. He is my coach, he's very nice-"

"Don't play dumb with me  _lapochka_. I mean do you  _like_ him." She laughed. "Is this why you didn't like my Dominika? Because you are...you know." She winked. 

Yuuri spluttered but Veronika seemed to ignore it.

"Well  _he_ likes you. I can see." She added, while looking over at his shoulder to his coach.

The Japanese skater bit his lip for a moment. "I just...I've never done anything like this before. I just feel so..." He rubbed his face with his hands as he sighed. "I don't know what to do around him."

"Why do you have to do something?" She replied, taking a swig from her flask. 

Yuuri half shrugged while looking down, rubbing the small hairs at the back of his neck. "...So he keeps liking me?"

"Then just keep doing what you have been doing. It seems to me it has been working, hm?" She replied in a laid-back voice. "Problem solved."

Yuuri bit the inside of his cheek. "No! Wait." He breathed out. "But...I haven't really been doing anything."

Veronika grinned shortly.

"Oh." Yuuri murmured, putting his hand over his mouth as he came to understand what she had been getting at.

When she extended her flask, this time Yuuri did take a sip. As the burning liquid went down his throat, he made a face that made his boss chuckle lowly. "Just don't forget to wipe the ice before you leave." She said as she took the flask back and pocketed it. 

Yuuri pressed his lips together in a tight smile before he returned his gaze at his coach. Victor looked like a kid waiting for his parent to finish a phone call so he would be allowed to talk again and ask for a cookie.

Yuuri felt something in his chest melt and clear up. He was sort of feeling like he could breathe again.  

"I won't." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY NOTHING HAPPENED THIS CHAPTER.
> 
> Guysssss I apologise but I kinda sorta hate when people throw around "i love you" in fics easily because it's like not realistic??? I want them to come to the realisation and explain how they feel so when they do say it it actually carries a meaning and you already know that they do feel this way.


End file.
